Edward's Eclipse
by vixen1836
Summary: For True Edward Fans. An in-depth, accurate portrayal of the heart, mind, and soul of the beloved Edward Cullen as he deals with the complex themes and events taking place during Eclipse. RATED T FOR INTIMACY THEMES/LANGUAGE. CANON. EPOV.
1. Chapter 1 Ultimatum

**Eclipse: Edward's Story**

**I do not own Twilight, nor do I own any of Twilight's characters. All characters and themes referenced in Eclipse: Edward's Story belong to Stephenie Meyer. Any quotations from Eclipse are purely for reference and are in no way an attempt at any copyright infringement.**

**For me, Edward Cullen is one of the most fascinating fictional characters in postmodern literature. I know, I know, that could be blasphemous, but to each their own. In my imagination, Edward's existence is a constant**** existential crisis. The elements of conflict, duality, and desperation embodied by his character are all so fascinating. I hope I've done him justice. ****Feedback is appreciated. ****I love critics. Enjoy.**

* * *

Thick droplets of heavy rain littered my windshield, partially diminishing my ability to focus visually on the little house, but I could still hear everything. Casting another quick glance around the dark, wet street I chuckled to myself.

I probably looked like a stalker of some sort sitting in the complete darkness, immobile and watching. _Still._ Being observed in such a manner by any human would be unwise, so I focused again on the low hum of thoughts in the vicinity, the steady heartbeats, and the light discussions emanating from the other houses on the street, looking for any indication that my presence had been detected. I found nothing that deserved my attention.

Except Bella. Not her thoughts, of course, but her footsteps and her strong little heart. Closing my eyes, I leaned the back of my head against the headrest and focused on the soothing rhythm. Often, I felt as if it was the only sound in the world. At least the only sound that mattered. _Thump-Thump…Thump-Thump…_

_Bella Swan…_

Automatically, I turned my head in the direction of the words. A few yards from Bella's home sat the small home of her neighbor Mrs. Dawes. I listened closely as Mrs. Dawes continued her conversation with her daughter, providing her with names of young ladies in close proximity. Apparently, Bella was a consideration for baby-sitting duties for Mrs. Dawes' visiting daughter. I pictured Bella, bouncing a plump toddler on her knee and smiled. The image was fantastic…

But, it faded much too soon for reasons far too frustrating. And it would do no good to focus on those reasons now; my warring morality and pervasive sadness were the last emotions that should have my current attentions.

I held my hand up to myself, gesturing needlessly, demanding that my mind stop the onslaught. No, I could not agonize about that now. There would be plenty of time later. _An eternity_, I thought darkly.

_…Edward…it's about time someone said something and it might as well be me. I won't have it anymore. If she gets angry I'll remind her she's living in my house with my rules…no, I can't police her…reason with her…_

Charlie's thoughts broke through mine and I was grateful, but even that appreciation was short lived. I listened with chagrin again as I observed the varying degrees of contempt he held for me in his thoughts. He despised me, as he should. Perhaps it was his instinct as a father truly surfacing; did he sense that I was dangerous? He must on some level. Of course, the inexplicable truth was that I did unequivocally deserve his distrust. Beyond mere suspicion. I'd earned it.

Despite his love for Bella, Charlie was not blind; he'd seen her devotion to our relationship and her commitment to me very early on. Before I'd even left Forks, he constantly worried about the intensity of our connection. And, ultimately, as he frequently pointed out in his own mind, I had proven that his concerns were valid. I'd destroyed her life, I'd abandoned her, I'd left her in the woods. The woods…

And yet, despite the contempt he felt for me, and my sadness at the realization that I would probably never regain his trust, I'd still developed a very sincere admiration for Charlie. In truth, our aspirations for Bella were identical. His concerns for Bella, her future, and her happiness were for both of us, a longing. Although he'd said little to her about his true feelings, he worried constantly, just the same as I did. Only the difference between us rested in the reality of my relationship with Bella.

Unlike Charlie, I was aware of the particularly impossible variables at work, such as the fact that my involvement in Bella's life was tragically ironic. We could not be apart, nor could we remain stationary and to pursue either course would equal the destruction of our lives, or in my case, my existence. And it was my involvement in her life that placed all of our dreams at risk. Everyday.

But, it was also very true that since Italy, things between Bella and I had changed. I knew all too well that the future was not set in stone. Somehow, it felt now as if our lives were directed towards some irreversible course. I couldn't quite pinpoint the source of that feeling or premonition, but it was true that we were inseparable now.

Yet, the essential question was: would our course be ruinous and lead to inevitable destruction? Of that, I wasn't certain. I'd tried to rationalize that we'd been on that course of inevitable destruction once and survived; Italy truly had changed everything in many ways. _Yes, we had survived..._

It was a feeble consolation and yet _reassuring _because I wanted it to be. Bouncing that thought around again, I struggled to make sense of the feelings of satisfaction encouraged by our escape from Volterra. I wasn't certain why I felt this way, but it was too strong to ignore. It seemed so ridiculous to find satisfied from the notion that surviving the Volturi meant we were past some kind of obstacle. If we were passing obstacles, what was truly the end result? I knew the answer to that. But, I was too cowardly to face it.

_The end result was the death of Bella's soul. _Of course, Bella would hear none of it. I'd stopped trying since my return, anyhow. Even though I did not broach the subject with her again, I still couldn't wrap my mind around the intensity she dedicated to the pursuit of her goal.

I was convinced that she simply _did not_ understand the ramifications of her request; so naturally, the entire issue was beyond her comprehension. And she was fiercely stubborn, completely intent on taking matters into her own hands. Her intensity terrified me. What would Charlie think if Bella were to suddenly 'disappear' by way of obtaining her immortality? The loss of his daughter would devastate him. He would never recover.

I sighed deeply, angry with myself for ruminating over these issues yet again at such a time. It always left me with such a profound sense of hopelessness. The only consolation I found in our situation was the reminder of my willingness to employ all methods necessary to delay her. I would not resign her to the fate she so willingly marches toward.

I would fight for her, even if she rebelled against my attempts.

It was a fact that Bella wanted me to change her, so I had refused, utilizing my trump card: she would have to marry me first. Despite Alice's visions, I knew Bella's aversion to marriage would force her to wait much longer. I was a little smug, but I couldn't help myself. Quite simply, through my clever manipulation, I'd placed one very successful obstacle in her path. The impossible situation was at least delayed. And, even though he would never know of my efforts, I'd bought Charlie time, too.

Yes, admittedly, it was an excellent plan. And, it was the least I could do for Charlie.

-

Her voice broke through my thoughts. "Did I miss something," she asked. "Since when do you make dinner…or…try to make dinner, I should say?"

"There's no law that says I can't cook in my own house," Charlie said. He was testy. He was nervous.

"You would know," she teased.

I closed my eyes and settled against my cool leather seat. I pictured her little, mischievous grin in my mind and her bright, deep eyes. I knew she was wearing that grin. Her tone was light and playful. How long would that last once Charlie began his discussion? Surely this was the time…

Could he be more prepared?

"Ha! Good one," he replied. He was anxious now, but only I heard it. Human ears could never have detected the minute strain.

_She seems like she's in a good mood…probably because he's coming over soon…I won't wait too long, just in case…this might actually be a good point…_

I leaned my head forward again, tightening my hands into a closer grip around the steering wheel. All of my faculties trained on the house in the hope that he would finally begin. The sooner the better. My morbid curiosity was not going to ebb.

_No, I will wait…let her eat first and then we'll have a little more time. He's not allowed in until seven anyhow…it's only six-thirty…_

I let out a begrudging growl. Beyond tedious! Charlie's thoughts were usually so direct, although he rarely verbalized what he was actually thinking...

He reminded me of Emmett, only Charlie was capable of keeping his mouth shut. To my astonishment, I'd never imagined he could be such master of procrastination. He was intentionally taking an exorbitant amount of time to run through the motions of finishing preparations for their dinner. He was stalling, vacillating, and prolonging this inevitable conversation for what seemed like a dreadfully unnecessary amount of time. I heard the clanging of a kitchen utensil and the continual murmur of his thoughts, but nothing else.

I rolled my eyes and briefly contemplated starting my car, driving to the curb, getting out, walking up the drive, and timing my arrival so that he would lose this opportunity. Patience, Edward, I told myself.

If I acted now, I would be too early. The rules were clear. I was not to enter the house until seven o'clock. Besides, stopping Charlie this evening would probably resolve nothing. He was intent on having this discussion about Jacob Black…

Almost as if he'd read my mind, Charlie began to run through his reasons for supporting Jacob Black, as if he were ticking off a list. Jacob Black. I grimaced at his name and sighed at my own resignation. I settled comfortably again in my seat, waiting. Still.

The list continued…

_...practically family...such a good kid...he was only worried about her..._

This would have been amusing if it weren't infuriating.

Charlie was unaware of a critical detail. His list was completely unnecessary. I was not blind. I knew that she cared for him and she trusted him unwaveringly. Her eyes lit when she said his name, she murmured it in her sleep, and even in my arms, with his betrayal fresh, she'd reached for his hand, his touch, and his embrace. Of course, she'd still been wild with anger about the bike, but anger is merely a secondary emotion. She was deeply hurt by Jacob Black.

Charlie was aware, however, of the tension in their relationship. He'd sensed the affection Jacob held for Bella, of course, but he was unaware of the depth and the intensity. And, so, tonight, Charlie was intent on broaching the subject of Jacob and Bella's strained situation with her tonight.

Although - he did not intend to verbalize his views explicitly, he was planning to present his point of view in some way this evening. Was this were the list would come in? He kept changing his mind, so I wasn't sure. His thoughts were scattered and uncertain. He'd been planning this discussion for quite some time, which is the only reason I was even aware of his intentions. But, did I really need to be here? Shouldn't I be more secure in the depth of our connection.

I should have, but I wasn't. It wasn't that I distrusted Bella. But, despite the secrets of her mind, I knew her nature well.

Bella was too kind, too loving, and too good. She could have room for us both in her heart. And, I hated the very thought of it. I had no right to, but I couldn't escape it.

The hatred was irrational and beneath my dignity, but it was also very powerful. It drew its strength from so many other intense emotions: _regret, jealousy, resent…_

In fact, before I could stop myself tonight, I'd found myself driving here much too early, ready to hear the truth – anxious to listen. Curiosity, or desperation, had forced me to park and wait, hoping to discover her true feelings. Even now, I was unsure as to what I would actually do with this information; I only hoped it would help me prepare and strategize.

It wasn't entirely scandalous…

Italy had changed everything. I knew now that Bella was essential to my existence.

_...Jacob does not want to talk to her… could have called him over and let them talk it out…_Charlie was rambling_...Jacob and Billy could both…_

I blocked him. Jacob Black. Jacob Black. Jacob Black. Was it truly necessary to continually repeat his name? This brutal trigger for my feelings of inadequacy.

Inadequacy. Yes, that's exactly what it was. Hatred rooted in inadequacy as well…

I considered my adversary. Essentially, he was a good person and I knew that. His thoughts were irritating, juvenile, and hormonal, but he was a very genuine young man.

And yet, sincerity aside, it was also true that he was irrevocably in love with Bella. The mixture of emotions that fact stirred was frightening. This was not entirely my fault. His thoughts had revealed too much of his desperate love.

The evening he'd betrayed her trust, he'd been in a highly emotional state. Images, many of the most intimate nature, flew from his mind in a near constant stream of agony, jealousy, pain, frustration, longing, and sadness. Of course, he'd gotten them under control long enough to torment me with the image of her in the woods..._the woods..._the image was unbearably painful. Whether intentional or not, he'd left me with the distinct knowledge that we shared one common desire and love: Bella.

And yet, the essential question was not whether he loved Bella. This was certain.

The essential question was whether she loved him.

Was my presence in her life the only force that stood in the way of her true happiness, distracting her from her true feelings for him? The words rang false in my own ears even as I thought them, but I still could not shake the feeling that I was an obstruction, an unnatural hindrance, one that should not otherwise exist. _Stop it..._

I'd been through this thought process before. It ultimately lead to Volterra.

I sighed. I needed a distraction.

My eyes opened the moment I considered my new need. In an attempt to distract myself, I focused once more on determining the security of my present station. I assessed the hums and sounds in the vicinity. Remarkably, I was still undetected.

I leaned my head back against the cool leather, closed my eyes, and began to visit Bella in my mind. She was the only distraction from the tedium of the tedious.

I entered into a wonderful vision. I imagined her response when I would eventually arrive at seven o'clock. In my imagination, I focused on her warm, calming eyes that always smiled at me in their own way. Her lovely mouth curved into a shy, yet radiant smile that felt as if it was meant just for me. The warmth of her sensually delicate frame…

The image was beautiful.

And strong.

So strong, in fact that I could almost feel her palpable temperature…

Although wonderful, that contrived vision awoke in me a renewed irritation. I wanted her. I wanted to see her. I needed to touch her…

I opened my right eye and looked at the clock on my dashboard. Six twenty-seven.

He still had time.

So, with a resigned grimace, I resumed my Bella fantasy, only this time I tried to focus on the memories I had of visiting her in her room.

Her window was open for me. Through the space, open air carried her soft, inviting scent through the invisible, tiny air particles, bringing her to me long before she's aware of my arrival. I entered her room and her scent still hit me with a resounding cloud of her tantalizing aroma. I gained control as it teased my senses and pulled me, and my venom-coated mouth toward her…

The venom pooled and I forcefully wash it down.

Even in my memory, my technique is efficient and impressively refined. The moment the venom sinks to my throat, I immediately swallow again. One down, one thousand to go...

Suddenly, Charlie's thoughts broke me from my memory as new thoughts began to enter his mind.

_…the poor kid won't forgive me if I don't at least warn her…one day she'll understand…maybe I will just read the paper until she's done eating…yes, that's a good idea…wonderful, more murders. "Chief of Police for the City of Seattle, John Davis released a comment on Thursday…_

_Excellent._ This could take all night. Well, at least another twenty-eight minutes. After all, I knew that my cue was seven o'clock. I did not want to be late.

I needed another distraction.

I quickly turned over the key still hanging from my ignition. I needed something soothing and distracting. A little Chopin might just do the trick.

I clicked the appropriate button, anxiously waiting as the CD player whirred to life. I laid my head back again and tried to concentrate on the notes. In the distance, I could hear with perfect clarity the one reliable sound that I could have isolated even if I were miles away. Her heartbeat, again. _Thump-Thump...Thump-Thump...Thump-Thump..._

Steady, constant, beautiful, magnificent…reliable. Chopin's finest compositions could not compare…nothing could…

_Rustle…thump-thump..._

"I don't know why, you read the news, Dad. It only ticks you off."

_I'll tell you what ticks me off…all that man power and no one to help those people….you're damn right it ticks me off…this is…_

"This is why everyone wants to live in a small town! It is just… Ridiculous!"

Oh, Charlie. If you only knew the depths of ridiculousness, I mused. Your daughter's one hundred and eight year old vampire boyfriend is waiting outside your house dreading a confession that could possibly indicate that she is secretly in love with her post-pubescent werewolf friend…

I chuckled at my liberal cynicism.

"What have the big cities done wrong now?" Bella asked.

It did not sound like genuine inquiry in her voice. Was she mocking him? Did she know he was stalling? Did she know he was somehow preparing this dinner to set the tone for some proposition? What was she thinking? Perhaps I have underestimated her again, it certainly would not be the first, or last time I would probably make such a mistake.

"Seattle's making a run for murder capital of the country. Five unsolved homicides in the last two weeks. Can you imagine living like that?" Charlie asked.

I truly anticipated the answer to his question. I wanted to take her to Alaska or New Hampshire. In premature excitement, my head spun a little at the thought of Bella attending Dartmouth with me. In my wildest dreams, I'd entertained the thought that she would come with me and become my wife. I hoped to show her that, in time, a semi-normal life was possible for us. Of course, New Hampshire was beautiful and I was certain that she would enjoy it, but I knew we would not be near a big city…

"I think Phoenix is actually higher up the homicide list, Dad. I have lived like that," Bella remarked.

"Well, you couldn't pay me enough," Charlie said.

I listened to her defense. Who would have ever thought she would be in more danger here in Forks, Washington, population 3000? I shuddered at the obvious distinction in the circumstances.

_...Now is the time. This shouldn't be so difficult. She will listen, and that's all I need from her. She's smart and she can make her own decisions. When he leaves again, she will see… if she can't understand now…_

He was preparing again. Hopefully, he would leap this time. I opened my eyes and glanced at the clock again. He had approximately twenty-four more minutes...

I heard Bella's light walk from the kitchen to the little table accompanied by a scraping noise. It was the sound created by her depositing onto a plate the contents of the pot I'd smelled boiling as I approached the block.

_...I owe this to Jacob, anyhow. He is a good kid and he's done nothing wrong. I doubt _He would have ever told me about…well, maybe, but still…

He was ready. No…he was still thinking. Where was Bella? Was she eating? We had spent too much time apart. I could not bear to be away from her gaze, her warmth, her touch. Unfortunately, that included lunchtime. I had to remind her to eat during our hour lunch periods and today had been no exception.

_Here goes nothing_…"Hem-hem…" Charlie started.

I tensed. I turned the music off and positioned my hands on the steering wheel, bracing myself against the steering column. I felt ridiculous as I considered the silly gesture. The column could snap so easily.

"You're right. I did have a reason for doing this. I wanted to talk to you." Charlie began.

Anxiety washed over me. I'd known this was coming, but I suddenly felt as unprepared as Charlie. How could he possibly phrase the words he was thinking in a way that would elicit a response from her? She would never bare her soul to Charlie, of course, but I wanted..._no, needed_...to listen. Her unguarded heartbeats, her breath, and her feet and any other compulsory responses to his words would be my only source of confirmation, or...denial. Bella moved and set something down. Was it her plate? I was sure she had not taken more than a bite or two. I felt a sudden surge of irritation at her willful disregard for her health.

"You could have just asked," she said.

"Yeah. I'll remember that next time. I thought taking dinner off your hands would soften you up."

His feet shuffled and I could hear the unprecedented silence of his thoughts. It was deafening. Was he going to wing it after all of this preparation? Bella laughed. It sounded more like a giggle, only...it was unsteady. I replayed the slight vibrations, listening intently. She was nervous.

Would she speak freely if she were this nervous? Of course, she would...that could work out well. Her human nerves gave her away more times than not. Rarely did they cease to expose her deepest feelings. They made her cheeks blush whenever I kissed her soft, pink lips. Her nerves were the force behind the quickening thumps of her heart in sensual anticipation. Because of her nerves, I was certain she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

"It worked, your cooking skills have me soft as a marshmallow. What do you need, Dad?" she asked.

"Well, it's about Jacob…"

I shuddered at the actual verbalization of Charlie's thoughts, even though I was aware of what was coming. Her feet shifted. Petite and soft on the floor, but I practically felt the tension in her movement.

"What about him?" she asked tersely, too quickly.

Perhaps this would not bode too terribly for me after all…

Maybe, just maybe, if she indicated at some point that his suggestion was unwelcome, I could spare her the pleading from Charlie and time my arrival a little early!

No, I wanted to be sure. _Patience..._

"Easy, Bells. I know you're still upset that he told on you, but it was the right thing. He was being responsible."

"Responsible…right," her tone was promising. "So, what about Jacob?"

_...she's still angry…won't go well….She will …shut down, just like her mother…_

"Don't get mad at me, okay?" he asked, almost with a plea in his tone.

"Mad?" she asked.

Something creaked under the stress of movement. It sounded as if one of them was shifting uncomfortably in their chair. Her heart continued its pace, which had only quickened once. She did not seem angry, only mildly irritated.

"Well, it's about _Edward_, too."

I stiffened, again, waiting. Her heart began speeding up just the tiniest bit again. Did she scowl just then? I caught myself stifling a small grin at the vivid image of her pout and the small crease between her brows when she scowled.

"I let him in the house, don't I?" Charlie said.

_...She's lucky I don't shoot him and bury him the woods for leaving her the way he did out there, all alone..._

I automatically frowned as Charlie remembered the image of Bella leaving the woods with assistance. I unsuccessfully struggled to push it away, but the image hit me despite my attempt to shut it down. It felt no stronger than my current version from Jacob's mind, but it was different. It was clouded with feelings of anger. Anger for me…

Then, suddenly, something snapped. Somehow, I'd missed a detail before…

In the vision from Charlie, a minute smudge of dirt was caked above her right cheek as she stumbled from the woods. I couldn't believe I'd missed that before. What had she done then to get that smudge in such an unlikely position? She looked so cold, so white, and so broken. I shuddered again, trying to block him out of defense. I was partially successful then as my attentions diverted to the sound of Bella's voice.

"You do, for brief periods. Of course, you might let me out of the house for brief periods now and then, too. I've been pretty good lately," she said.

Little liar. I chortled and quickly remembered our fiasco from just last night. The sensational memory of our touching and breathing was soaked into my mind. She'd laid against my chest as I'd cradled her warmth towards me. My hands were relentlessly tangled into her thick hair as she'd rested. She was fighting sleep at first, but she began to lose the battle as soon as I'd began to hum her lullaby.

And then, I'd heard Charlie's thoughts. In a split second, he'd decided to check on Bella.

Before he'd turned the handle to her door, I had found myself hidden in her closet. I'd stifled my breath and she pretended to sleep, throwing in a light toss and turn for the effect. We'd waited carefully until Charlie was satisfied enough to shut the door and trudge off to his room. In three swift steps, I'd been snuggled up against her again. I had noticed then that her cheeks were a beautiful high color. Eventually, she'd admitted she'd been scared and we'd quietly laughed together until I'd resumed the humming of her lullaby and she drifted off to sleep…

Even now, I was surprised at how strong the memory was. As I recalled the warmth of her body next to mine, I selfishly let the remembered sensations fill my head. I indulged completely until her remembered scent became too uncomfortable to ignore. Just the memory of her spurred a fresh wash of venom. I disposed of it down the back of my throat of in a fraction of a second, ignoring the searing pain. Two down, one thousand to go.

My focus shifted to the human conversation.

"Well, that's kind of where I was heading with this…" Charlie said.

"I'm confused, Dad. Are we talking about Jacob, Edward, or me being grounded?" she asked.

"Sort of all three?"

"And how do they relate?" her voice was unsteady, wary even.

"Okay!" he sighed. "So, I'm thinking maybe you deserve a parole for good behavior. For a teenage you're amazingly non-whiney"

"Seriously? I am free?" she was cautious, yet just as surprised I was...

_Yes!_ A thousand possibilities sprang forward. I wanted to take her to our meadow, again. We could have at least three hours alone there. Was she thinking the same thing? I felt some magnificent, strange sensation flowing through me a that thought. Was it joy? Joy at the prospect of having her with me, in the sunshine, alone, watching the clouds pass and speaking freely with no interruptions…did she feel the same way? I felt warm for once as the sensation passed through me. I hoped it was joy and I hoped she felt it too. I wished I could see her face, but…_wait_…I didn't see this coming...

_This must be his ploy…_I thought quickly about Charlie's new offer. The reasons he'd provided for his leniency were shaky at best. Surely, he would set in place some provision?

_Ah_. In a stroke of inspiration, I understood. Ever the angler, Charlie was using this leniency as bait. It was simple, yet effective. I was impressed.

"Conditionally…I…well, I am hoping you will use some of that freedom…judiciously," he said.

"What does that mean?" she asked.

Bella, it means conditionally and judiciously, as in, unequivocally with Jacob Black…

"I know you're satisfied to spend all of your time with _Edward_…" he started.

I heard his feet move. His thoughts sounded harsher with the very mention of my name. I grimaced at the reminder that I would probably never convince him that I love her.

"I spend a lot of time with Alice too…"

"That's true, but you have other friends besides the _Cullen's_, Bella. Or, you used to. When was the last time you spoke with Angela Weber?" he accused.

"_Cullen's_" had now taken on a new tone simply by its association with me. Of course, Alice was probably excluded from this, and perhaps my father Carlisle.

"Friday at lunch!" she answered, too quickly.

"Outside of school?" he probed.

"I haven't seen anyone outside of school, Dad. I've been grounded, remember? Angela has a boyfriend, too. She's always with Ben. If I am really free maybe we could double," Bella added.

"Okay. But then you and Jake used to be joined at the hip, and now…" Charlie said.

Her heart stammered a bit at that. Was it in response to his name? I felt my frown forming.

"Can you get to the point, Dad? What's your condition, exactly?"

"I don't think you should dump all your other friends for your boyfriend, Bella. It's not nice, and I think your life would be better balanced if you kept some other people in it. What happened last September…" he trailed off.

I flinched. I heard her feet shift again and a small sigh escaped from her probably carefully masked expression. Did it hurt her as much as it hurt me? No, perhaps even more. She was the victim. I was the perpetrator in that situation. In every situation.

"Well, if you'd had more of a life outside of _Edward Cullen_, it might not have been like that," he defended.

_Edward Cullen_. The image of her stumbling from the woods floated from his thoughts again, branches in her hair, her eyes, and the smudge. I successfully blocked him this time and felt a wave of relief.

"It would have been exactly like that," she mumbled.

"Maybe, maybe not," Charlie admitted.

"The point?" she asked.

"Use your new freedom to see your other friends, too. Keep it balanced."

"Balance is good. Do I have specific time quotas to fill, though?"

"Particularly Jacob…" Charlie added.

I listened. Her heart made one leap that was out of its routine, but nothing else. No quick breathing. No shifting. What did that mean?

"Jacob might be difficult…" she trailed off.

_Difficult._ This was torture. What did that mean? Bella and Charlie were both silent for longer than appropriate. And then I understood…

Here it comes, Charlie. She'll take the bait. She's too good natured, just like you. _Easy prey._

"The Blacks are practically family, Bella. And, Jacob has been a very, very good friend to you. Don't you miss him at all?"

What? Why was he being so forward? Where was the list? Where was he really going with this? What would she say?

Suddenly, I regretted this. I regretted my choice, my lack of trust, my insolence. Charlie was now asking the question I'd desperately wanted answers to, or at least I'd thought I did.

Did I really? What had I been thinking then? This eavesdropping was desperate and dishonorable…

I shook my head in disgust at my audacity. Hearing thoughts with no effort of my own was one thing; intentionally stalking the woman I loved was another.

She was going to answer. I took one quick, sharp intake of breath and held it, bracing myself, cautious of my hold on my steering wheel. My body tightened further in anticipation of her answer.

"Yes, I do miss him. I miss him a lot," she responded.

My mind went blank for a fraction of a second until it begun its inevitable tailspin. Was it longing, sadness, or despair in her voice? I rapidly assessed her words distinguishing between the small tone inflections human ears would never detect; it was a combination of all three. I turned my head sharply to the street, rejecting her words, focusing on nothing in particular. Brutal images of her holding out for his hand flashed in front of my eyes, the sound of her voice mumbling his name in her sleep flooded my mind…'_my Jacob'_…

I winced in pain as that_ hollow,_the dreaded hollow I hadn't felt since Volterra, returned with an ache in the middle of my chest. I focused my mind on overcoming it.

I needed to think. I needed to leave. I needed to compose myself and prepare. She was expecting me in less than twelve minutes.

I watched my own movements as if from a distance as I started my vehicle. I did not fail to notice the unnatural pallor of my glowing white hands as they clutched my steering wheel.

They radiated a sickening white light that was intensified further by my dark leather. My personal reminders of an accidental existence.

I needed another distraction. I pulled away from the curb and opened my mind to the thoughts around the neighborhood, letting the inanities of humanity fill my mind.

I did not want to look in or hear the house as I passed it. I tried to chastise myself as I considered what I'd heard. Not only had my behavior been beyond disgraceful, but I'd blatantly violated an implied trust. Trust that would have been respected by any honest gentleman…

The moment I'd cleared her street, the shame invaded. Her admission was ringing around in my head, dizzying me with desperate realization. Although I had suspected as much, the confirmation still seemed surreal. She'd said that she missed him.

My face fell. That was very strong evidence. Could it be that despite her love for me...despite our connection...Bella _loved_ Jacob Black? _My Bella...My Bella loved Jacob Black…_

The despair was suffocating. If it was the case, then it was my fault. My mistake would jeopardize everything. The prospect of losing her was all the more painful as potential became possibility.

As if intent on making their case, my eyes drifted back to my bright white hands yet again. I sneered a little at their peculiar, monstrous glow. I'd always considered the unnatural tone to my skin in relation to humans, but for some reason now they were more curious.

I watched them with interest, but eventually, morbid curiosity morphed into disgust.

I looked away toward the road.

Of course, she loved him. Whether her conscious, human mind understood it or not, her instincts could compel her to seek him. Life has a strange way of mutating variables to suit its needs. Was there a primal instinct that he was triggering?

If Charlie were susceptible to his triggered instincts in response to me, could the same situation happen with Bella? Did Bella's life crave Jacob because he could create it? All I could do is take it away. By choosing Jacob, she would choose a future. I would not stop her for my own happiness. This realization pushed defeat through me…

I knew it was impossible to know for sure.

As if right on cue, Alice's vision that was lingering in the back of my mind since I'd seen his thoughts that day in the woods flashed forward:

_A smiling, radiant, slightly pregnant Bella sitting on a sandy beach. She was still pale, but with a perfect blush on her cheeks, her long dark hair swinging as she bent down to pick up something. In the vision, she smiled sweetly, her eyes tired from the strain of pregnancy._

When I'd seen the vision for the first time, it had hit me so hard I nearly stumbled. The possibility of her choosing Jacob Black and life was legitimate, possible. Of course, very quickly, the vision had disappeared. Alice had immediately resumed her recitation of the first twelve tenets of Hammurabi's Code, but I had still seen it.

I tried to push the memory away now. That was hardly what I needed at the moment if I hoped to retain any shred of sanity. If I were to show up flustered, she would know. How could I face her? How could I explain myself? No, it was too shameful. I took a left turn down the main street. The driving helped as I considered my options.

I knew that I was still prepared to love her for the remainder of her human life. I would eventually lose her to death, disease or old age, but if she chose Jacob Black, I knew she would live _fully_. If she chose Jacob, I could still fulfill that plan. I could always be here, waiting, perhaps watching her life through Alice's mind. This solution didn't feel like rationalization thought, it felt like acceptance.

Jacob's image of the two of them sharing a smile in his garage flew into my mind. I winced as grief and unfathomable frustration began to swarm in.

I passed the first set of buildings, which preceded the town square, and felt my mind buzz with the overwhelming pull of my emotions. I pulled over. Sliding onto the shoulder, I parked and focused on the large, green, moss-covered rock that was directly in front of my headlights.

I took a deep breath and quickly cleared my thoughts.

The hollow returned.

I was momentarily dazed beyond comprehension.

I needed control. _Stop. Control yourself._ _Starting over with this thought process would be best. Too much emotion, these are not decisions to be made too hastily. Rational thought is fundamental. Utilize the last remaining nine minutes wisely…_

I rolled down my window to let the fresh, rainy air permeate the interior of my car. The air was clarifying, but I still thought of her. I couldn't resist. A floodgate of images sprang forth, bombarding my senses with all things Bella. Her face, her eyes, her skin, her laugh, her scent, her bravery. Specific memories crowded the images as if a floodgate had been opened. I saw it all again, Bella gliding on my back through the forest, her eyes as I held her cheek in my hand and kissed her warm lips for the first time, the image of her body pressed against mine as she slept.

The strength of the images was startling. I reeled again as another strong memory rushed back to me:

Bella and I on her bed. Me, pleading with her, explaining my abandonment, begging for forgiveness. She was beautiful, capable, understanding.

_"Is it because I am too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because you have moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be quite…fair. I won't contest your decision. So, don't try to spare my feelings, please – just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?"_

_"The way I feel about you can never change, Edward. Of course I love you - and there's nothing you can do about it!"_

_"There is nothing you can do about it."…_

I exhaled and opened my eyes, training my eyes back to the mossy green rock, my new, temporary life support. I felt forced to consider the images, which showed me the instances in which she'd conveyed to me the depths of her affection, her love, and her dedication. As they whirred into my mind, I noticed a string of similarities. Bella, in her own way, had frequently sensed my conflict. She'd tried to reassure me in every way she knew how that her feelings for me were absolute, unyielding, and eternal. She wanted to sell her soul for me.

I sucked in a long breath, forced my eyes shut, leaned over my steering wheel, and tried to clear my thoughts. I must be stronger. My ability to think through this and not overreact was essential. _Control your emotions and your mind._

With shaky self-possession and clarity, I tried to process several things at once.

I knew that Bella expected me to trust her love for me; particularly after all we had been through. She had even pursued circuitous measures to secure an eternity with me, and although she had not necessarily agreed to marry me, she had agreed to give me more time, a year of college or two, time that I intended to press along much further. I also knew that Bella did not possess a talent for self-preservation, this was obvious, and thereby any promises of..._life_...that Jacob held might not be tempting.

It would be logical to conclude that if she were to choose Jacob Black, it would mean that she loved him more, desired him more, and felt the need for him more than she did for me. If this were the case, then the feelings she'd expressed for me would have been disingenuous on some level.

Impossible. I was absolutely certain that Bella did truly have a firm will. She was honest. She did not always truly grasp her decisions until they were made, but once she made them, she was unshakably loyal to her cause.

I was also forced to consider the other evidence lingering around in my mind: "miss" did not equate "love". Alice's visions were open to interpretation…

Alice had also seen Bella gazing at my eyes as she took in the rich scent of a bouquet of roses, wedding roses to be precise.

Alice had seen Bella awaking to immortality, Bella in Alaska, Bella hunting with me with her eyes a red glow. Those visions could change, yes.

But for now, I allowed myself to be invigorated by hope. As soon as I'd reached my conclusion, I felt ashamed to have been so easily discouraged.

_"The way I feel about you can never change, Edward. Of course I love you - and there's nothing you can do about it!"_

I took another deep breath and steadied myself.

So many emotions still invaded my mind; relief, uncertainty, shame, and understanding. How could I have been so incredibly weak? Italy changed everything. _Italy._ The remembrance of her warmth as she slammed into me appeared in a rush of conflicting feelings. Her scent as it swirled in the air, her frantic words fraught with fear, determination, and concern. Concern for me. Concern for us, _our future_.

She had not given up on me, even after I'd abandoned her.

My eyes shot open as I processed the enormity of the image.

Bella had never given up on us, my life, our love, or our existence together. Was it even right to consider this? To doubt her? No, it was not. It was ridiculous even. I could fight. I could not give her up so easily, either. If I had never left her, Jacob Black would be a friend and nothing more. The future was still undetermined. I had a place in her heart. One that I would not vacate easily. She'd chosen to love me by her own volition. I would fight for her and for my survival. Italy changed everything. She'd chosen me…

I felt suddenly affirmed. I sighed in resigned annoyance as I did my best to ignore my already blooming regret.

Instead, I intently concentrated on my strategy.

I wanted to be strong for her now. I could not fail her, again. I continued to reason with myself, feeling a wash of reassurance move through me as I considered my various options.

The feeling was so profound; I turned my head to search for Jasper. I felt almost giddy now.

I took another deep breath again and rolled up my window. I chuckled to myself, shaking my head at the thought of how any human could keep up with my or any vampire's, vast ranging, frequently changing moods and emotions. It was ludicrous. Rarely, if ever, had a human had the opportunity to try before now, before Bella. Bella! I glanced at the clock. It was six fifty-seven. Three minutes.

Observing my surroundings, I whipped off the shoulder onto the dark road heading back to her home. It was raining again and the wet grass spattered thick mud against my bumper. I would have to clean that later...

Thankfully, I had not traveled too far. Pulling down her road, one minute to spare, I slowed my speed carefully. I didn't want to drive too recklessly on Chief Swan's street.

I stopped at her house with a sense of new energy.

I loved her now and I would always love her as much as I could. I had a strategy. We would make plans. We would leave this place and start a life together.

If she came with me, I could win her heart forever.

I parked carefully and cut the ignition. It was time. Quickly, I snatched the manila envelope of Bella's college applications from my storage compartment. As I held it and felt the thickness of the envelope, I grinned.

She would probably whine about the applications - and I would love every minute of it.

It didn't mean she didn't want to go, it was just a reminder of her humble college fund. There was so much she still didn't understand…

I opened the door, shut it quietly, and breathed deeply to prepare for her the force of her scent. I listened for the stutter in her heartbeat that always accompanied the realization of my arrival, but I got nothing right away. Her heart was just steady, reliable, and beautiful.

I caught the end of their conversation as I approached.

"Nothing. I was just wondering what…Edward's plans are for next year?" Charlie asked cautiously. He was probing.

"Oh," Bella said.

"Well?" he prodded.

I'd had enough of Charlie, but I still felt that nagging guilt. I renewed my vow to myself to show Charlie the man that I truly was, the man that was madly in love with his daughter, the man that would never hurt her again. In two quick movements, I was at her door, knocking. I heard it then. _Thum-thum-Thump_…

I closed my eyes for a split second to appreciate the beauty of even her most automatic features. And, just as I had experienced so many times, as she made her way from her chair in the kitchen, the floral scent of her blood and her body preceded her. The air was still cool and damp. Her scent was heavier in the air. I had a full second to both enjoy it and fight the urges it provoked in me before she cheerfully sang in response to my knock. I forcefully swallowed back a fresh coating of venom that washed through my mouth. It was worth the pain. _She_ was worth the pain. Three down, one thousand to go.

_...Of course…perfect timing...at least I got her to admit she needed others in her life…not healthy…ridiculous…_

I caught the last fragments of Charlie's thoughts before he let out an audible grumble informing me to "go away". _Not yet, Charlie._

In another second, the door flew open and she was there, her eyes alight with their sparkle and her mouth slowly carving itself into that beautiful, wistful smile meant only for me…

She was glorious. If I could have blushed, I would have. I felt even more embarrassed for reacting the way I did.

I smiled back at her as she stood there before me. She had not changed from her soft yellow shirt since this afternoon, but somehow, standing there in the light of her dining room, she beamed an elegant beauty that left me yearning to touch her, hold her, kiss her, and feel her. Fight for her.

Our eyes locked on each other and I could not look away again. I noticed her heart speeding up. She was not breathing, again!

I was about to say something to remind her, despite how that might have sounded to Charlie, but she immediately grabbed my hands and held them in her warm fingers. It was pure joy, just touching her. There was an incredible sensation in the warmth and feel of her hands that was unbelievably comforting. She exhaled a sweet, relaxing breath when our hands were fully enveloped into one another, swirling her scent.

I ignored it and the venom that I quickly discarded down the back of my throat. Four down, one thousand to go.

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**I hope you enjoyed my take on Edward's situation in Eclipse. His thoughts move faster than a human mind, so I hope I conveyed that quicker thinking while not interrupting the dialogue he was observing. I realize also that Charlie's thoughts were never that clear to Edward in Midnight Sun, but I chose to highlight his mind in this moment for the sake of the chapter! :) I will continue with Chapter 6: Switzerland. **


	2. Chapter 6 Switzerland Part One

**Eclipse: Edward's Story**

**I do not own Twilight, nor do I own any of Twilight's characters. All characters and themes referenced in Eclipse: Edward's Story belong to Stephenie Meyer. Any quotations from Eclipse are purely for reference and are in no way an attempt at any copyright you to Muggle1983 for the suggestion for this Chapter. This ****is a little darker for Edward. I love this chapter. It's so wonderful to see Edward's love for Bella, his "humanity", and the triumph of his will conquer his instincts. His victory is so much sweeter because of the intensity of the struggle.**

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There was provocation behind my choice; I would not give in so easily this time. Disturbed and anxious, I sat as quietly as possible in my car, completely aware that my left tires sat exactly one eight of an inch from the boundary. I was in no mood for diplomacy.

I could have waited anywhere, really. In the trees, on the road; anywhere. But I didn't want to wait anywhere but right _here_. Right on the line. Besides, more than anything, I wanted him to bring her to the edge of the reservation so that I could look into his eyes, so that I could warn him. If I was honest with myself, I wanted her to see me too. This need, this desire, to show them both that I would not be fooled was overwhelming and irrational. This was the cost of being too thirsty. The cost of leaving the hunt. The cost of Bella's rash and confusing decision. My fists clenched and my breath quickened, but I gained control...

I was aware of how strong my impulses were, but I was unable to take any decisive course of action to prevent them from having the _strength_ they now possessed. The only exception to their complete and absolute dominance of my will was my desire for Bella's safe return. So, I'd promised myself that at all costs, no matter what happened, I would do my best to remain in my car, which would serve as the solitary boundary between myself and Jacob Black, _yet again_. I told myself that once I had her secured, I could then decide my next course of action.

Plans and strategies had no place in this situation. I refused to think of what I would, or _could_ do to him if he were responsible for this, if he'd hurt her, or lured her away somehow. Until I knew the circumstances of the situation, I resolved to plan nothing. To do so would be irresponsible and very dangerous.

But, I was still uncertain. I'd never pushed my boundaries this far before. And, I didn't enjoy the physical and emotional unease which came along with this dreadful uncertainty. I wasn't sure that any forced calming, rationalization, or logic could dissuade my raging instincts. Instead, I could only hope to keep them at bay.

And, I was very close to losing control. I could find no worthy distractions, only the images of Bella's face from Alice's mind could seem to breakthrough and they did more harm than good. I remembered them again, as Alice had seen them and flinched at the reminder of why I was here, waiting, furious and anxious, with my tires a fourth of an inch from the boundary line. A fourth of an inch from violating a treaty that would surely mean death and destruction.

But, had I really ever had a choice?

I'd left the park after Alice called to inform me that she'd had the vision of Bella, speeding down a slick highway, eyes alight with something Alice could not decipher. Of course, Alice was concerned because the vision was so brief. Shortly after it began, Bella disappeared. So, the only conclusion that Alice could draw then was that Bella had gone to La Push urgently, as if she were reacting to an emergency, or a last minute call for help. Alice was alone with Esme and could not act on her own to travel to the reservation. Besides, even if I'd sent Carlisle, the circumstances were unknown. We had no way to contact them. The werewolves would surely see their arrival without warning as a threat. This would not have mattered to me, but I could not risk Bella, Esme, Rosalie, or Alice.

Within seconds, I'd taken off without explaining anything to Jasper or Emmett. Alice would call.

I had run for sixty miles, across the mountains until I was out of the national forest. I'd stolen the first car available, setting immediately off for La Push, intent on finding her. Treaty be damned. As I drove, I had convinced myself that Bella was in danger. Why else would she leave the way that she had? I had just_ known_ that Jacob had manipulated her, _again_. Using their friendship for his gain. The intensity of my fear for her was magnified by my alert instincts, which were pulled from their forced slumber by my starved state. I'd not hunted in nearly three weeks, but at this point it didn't matter. I didn't have time for that now. Bella was in danger. I had sped down the highway at nearly one hundred and seventy miles per hour.

As I'd left California, my strategy was planned, my mind set, my course decided. I would find her and I would destroy him. And, Alice. I knew she would call when my decision was set, and she did no disappoint. I ignored her first dozen calls, but eventually answered. We had argued until she finally began to beg. She wanted me to come home first before making any more decisions. She wanted me to see the vision for myself. I had told her that I trusted her instincts, that I couldn't afford the time, that I didn't need to come there for something we already knew had happened. And then, she disclosed the real reason.

Alice then explained that after she had reviewed the vision repeatedly she was convinced that it wasn't fear in Bella's eyes. It was _excitement_. She'd hesitated to tell me that final detail; she knew me too well. I'd let out a roar of anger then, crumpling the left side of the stolen car's steering column in frustration, and thereby rendering the car virtually un-navigable. I'd had no choice then, I had to go home first. I had to see the vision for myself. I had to get my own car; my refuge, my boundary.

A half hour later, the car was completely unmanageable. It was slowing me down. So, I ran for the remaining miles, arriving at the house quicker than I had expected. Alice met me in the drive, handed me my keys to my car, and shared the image with me. She'd been right. It was partial excitement, for sure. But, I understood Alice's confusion then; there was something else in Bella's eyes that I'd never seen before. It was almost a _mischievous_ look. That was my theory then, but even now I still was not sure. Bitterly, I'd considered that that look was in response to her successful departure from the safety of Forks, her departure from the protection of my family, and her impending arrival into the company of Jacob Black. The image was all I had needed. I'd taken off in a fury, arriving quickly at the boundary. And now, I was waiting.

And - now - _once again_, I was in limbo; agonized by my own worries, completely helpless to resolve them. Worse, I had no distractions powerful enough to divert my attention. My mind and body were equally consumed with concerns for Bella, resentments for Jacob Black, and the understanding that I was starving. To make matters worse, I was becoming more aware than ever of the monster within.

I struggled for distractions worthy of diversion. But, the image of Bella's eyes taunted me, provoked me, and stirred my emotions and concerns into a whirlwind of chaotic, erratic, and uncontrollable impulses.

I growled to myself impatiently as this image of Bella came forward again with vigor. My heightened senses allowed me to see every detail of the image; I could practically smell her. I seethed, hissed and struggled to gain control of the image, of the emotions it stirred, and of my physical reactions.

Then, for a brief moment, my anger subsided a little, but only a minuscule amount, as it had done the last few times the image had bombarded me. I wasn't sure how I'd managed it. Was it possible for one to frighten _themselves_? Anything was possible. It just seemed so convenient that I should receive brief reprieves from my sources of irritation, just enough to manage myself. Nevertheless, I was grateful. I sighed in relief as the image receded.

My revelry was short lived.

With the distraction of the image gone, the reality that was my uncontrollable thirst became more overwhelmingly powerful.

With this, I was helpless. I could not push it away. I was starving. The thirst was more powerful than I'd ever remembered or known with one exception; the first time I'd smelled Bella's blood. And that had been out of desire, not _need_. This was different. In all of my years, I'd never had such a strong urge to hunt from absolute necessity. Repeatedly, I caught my body as it attempted to slip into hunting mode. I could not let that happen. That transition might doom the last of my ability to hold my instincts back. I succeeded, but, I was sure that if I were standing, my muscles would force my form into a crouch. Another reason for staying within the confines of my car.

Oh, and the _venom_; the catalyst that was chipping away at my sanity and my control. Stronger, sweeter, more potent than I'd ever thought possible.

Each time it began to pool in my mouth, I would try to discard it down the back of my throat quickly, as I'd done so many times before. The difference now was that my Vampiric instincts were seizing control, dictating everything I was feeling, and rebelling against my attempts at subjugation. Each time I had tried to wash it down, the venom rebelled by inspiring excruciatingly painful and erratic reactions throughout my entire being. That pain was only the beginning.

As soon as the venom seared my scorched throat, a new wave of torturous, scalding fire would accompany the venom, leaving a second wave of blistering pain in its wake. As if it were following some established pattern of destruction, the fire would then spread to my core sending my stomach clenching into waves of gnarled stabs. In concert, the muscles in my back, my chest, my arms, and my legs would respond to the call for survival by sending my sinew into flexed, tightly contracted positions, pushing my hard veins into agonizing, unnatural expansion. My body was screaming for blood and survival. It was mind-numbingly painful.

And, I was frightened by my lack of dominance over these urges. I could do nothing to control them but to breathe, search for distractions, and try to restrain myself from acting on any impulses. I'd never pushed myself this far before. I wondered how long I could actually go without succumbing completely to the animalistic need. Was it safe to be around Bella?

I told myself that I could never lose control around her and that to do so would challenge the warring instincts that served as the contradictory foundation for my survival; Bella's life vs. Bella's blood. Being around her might be much more difficult than usual. And surely it would be hard to concentrate on controlling myself when every part of me screamed and raged against the self-inflicted injustice I now attempted to impose. I knew from Carlisle that my instincts would eventually act of their own volition, overruling my rational mind in an attempt to prevent starvation. At all costs, my body would _survive._

And, that is what it truly boiled down to; that survival instinct was so powerful on its own when just faced with the prospect of mere starvation. But, for me, other circumstances were at play; circumstances such as _Jacob Black_. My instincts understood more clearly than my mind that the threat of starvation was nothing compared to the threat that Jacob Black posed. I could rationalize, argue, and convince my mind of anything, but my body knew that in order to survive I would need to eventually, in one way or another, eradicate the threat of Jacob Black. For this reason, the waiting, the watching, and the hoping I was engaged in now was just as against my nature as resisting blood.

My only consolation was that I'd proven that my mind could overrule my instincts in relation to my love for Bella. She was my only hope and I clung to the fact that her life was a reminder that my ability to defeat the darkest parts of my will and desire had truly made me _better _and_ complete_. I should have never left her. I hissed to myself as a mixture of anger, regret, sorrow, and frustration nagged at my sanity, having their way with me. _It was selfish to travel so far away when she needed me. I didn't need to hunt mountain lion, why did I leave like this when she was so vulnerable...I drove her to the company of Jacob Black. It was my fault…_

The anger, regret, and sorrow were strong with me. Of course, they weren't strong enough to distract me for too long from my thirst, but they did offer a reference point for my sanity, which was all I could realistically ask for.

So, I forced myself to wait. And, then wait some more.

To avoid the silence, the haunting images, and the thirst, I busied my mind with reciting the facts: I wasn't sure what she was doing, but I knew she would leave eventually. She would not stay the night, of course. She knew that Alice would see her eventually and worry. Bella usually had more concern for the cares of others than for her own safety, this example included, so she would not keep Alice waiting too long, surely. And, once she was with me, I could keep her safe. I just needed her back.

If he indeed lured her there, I would challenge him, ending this situation once and for all. It would be the only honorable course of action. I would win, he would lose, and I could finally have peace. No more Jacob Black.

I smiled ruefully at the prospect. _Jacob Black…_Those two words sent fresh currents of revulsion and anger through me and I smiled at them too. I was now riding senselessly on pure _emotions;_ wild and willful. I found myself struggling to rationalize again what had driven her to see him. Surely it wasn't company! She had Alice, Angela, and Charlie. What was it then? It had to be something. Something I was missing. I searched the vision for clues for the hundredth time, but I could see nothing that I hadn't already seen before in vivid clarity.

Just Bella - jumping into her messier than usual truck, starting her engine, and trying to speed toward the highway, driving almost recklessly with…anticipation? Mischievous Delight? What was it on her face that I couldn't pinpoint? What had she been thinking? Had he told her something was wrong? That he needed her help?

I could find no answer in the silence of my car, in the loud screams of my thoughts, or in the darkness of the road before me. The uncertainty was impossible. The emotions were too much with me. I was going to explode.

--

Too many minutes later, I saw her truck pull from the reservation road. And she was alone. I stared at her for a moment. Where was Jacob Black? Perhaps I'd misread or misinterpreted something? She did not seem to be in distress. In fact, the expression on her face was... _peaceful_. Peaceful!

Almost…_happy_! What?

Shock pervaded, but retreated to make way for confusion. I watched her take a right, entering the highway at a relaxed speed. Confusion retreated wildly as the anger sprang forth, forcing me to question things I didn't want to question. I couldn't ignore my feelings, though. My body and my mind screamed at this new image of happy Bella. I'd sat for hours in torment while she looked _dazed_ with peace. Did she not wonder what my family must have thought? What Alice must have thought? If there was no danger, what brought her here? Did she even care for her safety at all? She hadn't even seen me, she didn't even look! _Ah!_ She wasn't _expecting_ me. I struggled to grasp these new realizations, but I could make sense of none of it.

I was still too confused and angry to move as I watched her drive down the highway. It would be best to wait for a moment. I would surely snap _my_ steering wheel. Two in one day would be disastrous. Naturally, the venom started its process. I bunched over at the pain, but after a moment I bit it back. I tried to clear my mind, but it was no use, I could think of nothing but that peaceful look, that look that was in such stark contrast what my own face must look like. I wanted to look in the mirror, but I resisted. I would surely not be pleased.

Distracted by my frustrations, I acted on impulse, whipping off the hidden path, and stepping on the gas before I even processed the mechanics of my actions. I slid on the wet pavement slightly as I left the grove, angling sharp and rough on the road. But, I was right behind her in a matter of seconds. I watched her eyes, her peaceful, carefree gaze and instead of feeling a bit of peace myself, as I normally would at the sight of her exquisite face, I felt even angrier.

I knew it was my heightened instincts creating the stronger reaction, and I knew that if I were not starving I would be calmer, but again, my mind was unable to control my physical and emotional urges. I had no choice but to let them fester. Perhaps I would grow desensitized? That was foolish. It was only when I had the irrational, dangerous impulse to jettison myself from my car, run to her door, and pull it off its hinges in an attempt to force her to answer my questions, that I was finally able to reel in my deranged instincts.

So, I would just follow her until she saw me and pulled over. Then, I would speak with her in a calm, rational manner. It _was_ Bella. She _would_ have an explanation that made sense. Once I heard it and knew she was safe, all would be well. I could escort her safely home. I would hunt immediately, satiate my hunger, and then return to her.

And, I _would_ set boundaries. This could _not_ happen again.

I narrowed my eyes to her rear-view mirror, watching her, but she still did not see me. It wasn't surprising, I thought sarcastically, she was_ frequently_ oblivious to threats to her existence. Nevertheless, she would have to look eventually. And, just as I thought that, her eyes flashed to her rear-view mirror, but they did not meet mine. Her human vision only saw my car.

"Aw, crap," she muttered.

'_Aw, crap'_ doesn't cover it, Bella.

I slowed, preparing for her to stop. But, she kept driving. She did not veer, nor pull over, nor did she look back again. Instead, she looked forward diligently, willing herself to not look back into the mirror. Was she going to pretend that she didn't see me? I watched her expression then change from peaceful to nervous as she processed her situation, _our_ situation, or what she _knew_ of it. Her beautiful eyes then adjusted from crinkled joy to painful anxiety.

It hurt to watch this transition, knowing it was due to my presence. Particularly since the dog had obviously been the primary force behind her seemingly jovial disposition. This realization unleashed a slew of doubts that I pushed away immediately. The sadness seeped through a little anyway, but it was no match for my angst. I growled it away quickly. My petulance was too ripe.

As she continued to drive, I watched her, but she didn't change her expression. We came to the road that she should have chosen to get home, but instead she drove straight. Was she going to avoid me forever? She couldn't. She would run out of gas eventually. Then, she took a left turn and I realized she had no intention of seeing me and no intention of going home.

Bella was going to _Angela's house_.

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**I have issues with Bella in this series and she's at her worst in Eclipse. Edward should have hunted, but it's Stephenie Meyer's world, I just play in it.**


	3. Chapter 6 Switzerland Part Two

**I do not own Twilight, nor do I own any of the characters. The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any references to dialogue from Eclipse are purely for reference. This story is in no way an attempt at copyright infringement. ****Thank you to Muggle1983 for the suggestion for this chapter. **

**This is a darker Edward. I love this chapter. It's great to see Edward's love for Bella, his "humanity", and the triumph of his will conquer his instincts. His victory is so much sweeter because of the intensity of his struggle.**

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**

In less than six seconds, I exited my parked car, in broad daylight, and settled myself in the tree next to Angela's house. After situating myself behind the largest branch, I finally allowed myself to slip carefully into a deep crouch on the limb. And I immediately regretted it. Of course, I wasn't sure I could have fought it if I had wanted to; but my muscles were too tight, too painfully wound and now I wasn't sure I could remove myself from the position without very careful concentration. I was in a desperately dangerous position. I was so very, very _thirsty_.

But perhaps even worse - my inability to _move anywhere_ beyond this singular place, beyond this crouching position, for however long I might need to be here, threatened to do serious damage to my waning control. Pacing, running, anything would have at least offered a distraction, but those were not viable options. I had no choice but this one. Truly, what else could I do? Where else could I go? The thought of sitting idly somewhere _away from her_ until she decided to drive home was impossibly frustrating.

Suddenly, I heard Bella, Ben, and Angela speaking, but I could not focus on them. My thoughts were consuming me.

The fact of the entire matter was that I needed to know what happened. Leaving now would only provoke my relentless, insatiable, irrational curiosity. That would be a living hell. Listening and waiting would be better than that option, even if that meant that I would have to exercise even more patience listening to a human conversation at human speed when I was already so thoroughly annoyed and agitated. Even if that meant that I might hear something that I would rather not. They were risks I would have to take because, quite simply, they were better options than leaving now and knowing nothing at all until Bella left. It could be hours!

The whole charade was entirely, utterly pointless!

I couldn't help but grind my teeth in frustration. If I could just _understand_ the situation, I wouldn't have had to waste my time here, waiting to hear second hand what I deserved to hear from Bella directly. If she'd just pulled over, I could have already understood everything entirely, been on the hunt, and back to myself again. Right now.

And, I would also know now if Jacob Black was responsible for her departure from safety. I would know if he'd lured her, or if he'd done anything to provoke her to leave so rashly. I bristled at the thought, but forced my annoyance and seething resent to settle nicely into the back of my mind. I consoled myself. If he _were_ responsible, I would no longer have to sit idly by and let him disrupt our lives, or place her in future danger. I could, and would, take matters into my own hands. And I would be justified.

But, the second sad fact of the situation was that – I was _here._ Because, Bella had – _avoided me. _

_Me._

A pang of complex emotions made me flinch at the reminder. Bella had refused to pull over and instead of facing me, speaking to me, explaining the situation; instead she'd sought refuge in Angela's home. She had denied me my confirmation of the circumstances. It was all so bizarre. Had something changed? Was there something she was fearful to tell me? I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that Bella had run from me. And it was not just on the road. As I'd passed her, she'd not even looked in my direction.

_Bella had ignored me_.

I wrenched internally as I listened to chatter from the house. I could not deny that the distance she'd placed between us with that action was heartbreakingly painful. In my sensitive condition, my emotions were even more intense, more erratic. And I was feeling the full force of the image her avoidance conjured - and it _hurt_: _Bella, driving ahead, never looking back again_.

It wasn't just the hurt now, though. I'd had time to ruminate over her behavior and now her remembered actions unnerved me further, sending sensations of peculiar unease through me, fueling my doubt and my uncertainty, which in turn fueled my relentless questions. Questions I could not answer.

How could Bella have been so reckless – and so _desperate_ to see Jacob Black that she would leave on a whim, to place herself and my family at risk? What had she been thinking? Why hadn't she pulled over? Why go to Angela's after I was obviously here, having returned in concern to save her from Jacob's manipulations? Had he done something to persuade her? To change her feelings for me?

It was all so much. I balled my fists into tight clenches and took deep breaths, hoping to dispel some of the tension, the sadness, and yes…the _anger_ that was still forcing my body into the various stages of tight sinewy constrictions.

I needed another distraction. Something other than focusing on controlling my need for sustenance, my instinctual urges to snap and drink, and the torturous venom, which arrived of its own will and design. The burning, clawing, and incineration of my insides. And of course, my heartbreaking confusion over Bella's actions. A distraction. I focused intently on Angela's thoughts. She was so good. It would be most helpful.

I concentrated hard, turning my diligent attention to Angela's thoughts, while also focusing on keeping track of Bella's heartbeat. Yes, it would be best to find a _dual _distraction. I heard Angela speaking and thinking quite clearly, which kept me listening and crouching.

…_Bella looks worried about something, I cannot believe she's so nice to help me…_Angela thought.

"Thank you for doing this, Bella," she said. "From the bottom of my heart. Not only are you saving my hands from permanent injury, you also just spared me two long hours of a plot-less, badly dubbed martial arts film." She laughed, sighing in resignation_…Ben would surely have much more fun with Austin, although I would have gone if he wanted me too…_she thought.

"Happy to be of service." Bella countered, genuinely. I noticed it then. There was something off in her tone. I wished for Angela to just take one look at her so that I could see her face. Just one look. I waited. Nothing. Just a slightly untidy home, some toys, family pictures along walls, and a staircase.

I growled to myself, fighting to suppress the frustration yet again. And as soon as the growl escaped, I acknowledged to myself that it was a ridiculous and a completely disproportionate emotion for this situation. _Just remain calm and focus_, I told myself.

Breathing carefully and intentionally, I listened as Angela began to obsess over how she could secretly repay Bella for this service.

"Where's your family?" Bella asked, conversationally.

"My parents took the twins to a birthday party in Port Angeles. I can't believe you're really going to help me with this. Ben's pretending to have tendonitis." She said. _…I don't blame him though, there are so many…_

"I don't mind at all," Bella responded again with sincerity. Then, she gasped. And I nearly flew off of the tree until I heard Angela's kind, worried thoughts quickly explain_…oh man, I tried to tell her…_

"I thought you were exaggerating."

…_I should have told her an estimate or something…_ "I wish. Are you sure you want to do this?" Angela asked, completely serious.

"Put me to work. I've got all day." Bella lied, also completely serious.

I felt instantly saddened by her dishonesty and my mood soured further, fixing a permanent scowl on my face. She didn't have _all day_. I struggled to reason around her words. How could someone so absorbed in the welfare of others, to her own detriment, care little for how this entire fiasco made me feel? What did she think I would do when I'd left? Go home to Alice, wait for her at her home, or listen right now as I was doing? Would her words be for my benefit? I growled in annoyance, wishing again, for the millionth time that I could for once just hear her thoughts.

Why? Could some rift have developed? Some space between us that I had missed? _No..._

Had alienated herself from me on purpose? Did she not _want_ to see me? The thought crushed me and I winced both from the pain of that possibility and from the new venom that began its indiscriminate, systematic progress down my burning throat. I closed my eyes again from the pain, which was so intense that I unconsciously grasped my abdomen as it blazed its way through me. The fire was becoming more intense. I struggled for once to listen as my head buzzed with thirst.

I realized then that Angela had looked at Bella, but I'd missed it.

…_Edward is doing..._ I froze, listening intently to the sound of my name in Angela's thoughts. "What is Edward doing tonight?" Angela finished verbally. What would Bella say?_ "Following me from Jacob Black's home. Stalking me outside your window. Writhing with agonizing emotions and insufferable thirst because I felt the need to see Jacob Black. Again."_

"Emmett's home for the weekend. They're_ supposed_ to be hiking."

…_why does she sound so uncertain_…"You say that like you're not sure?"

Bella didn't answer; instead I got a brief glimpse of her shrugging. What did that mean?And…"_Supposed"_. Did she know? I wasn't sure, but I wished that Angela would look at her face again. I would surely be able to detect something. But Angela focused on the invitations.

"You're lucky Edward has his brothers for all the hiking and camping. I don't know what I'd do if Ben didn't have Austin for the guy stuff." Angela said.

"Yeah, the outdoors thing is not really for me. And, there's no way I'd ever be able to keep up." Angela laughed at that, unaware how truly accurate Bella was. "I prefer the indoors myself."

Angela continued to focus her attention to the pile intently as she remembered camping once with her family. The memory for her was unpleasant – and very tedious. I found myself secretly _willing_ her to look at Bella. I almost began mumbling the incantations.

My spirits plummeted to a new low as my wishes were granted. Angela snuck a glance at Bella's face and I could see a serious, deep frown had formed. I could not help that her face in combination with her extraordinarily unorthodox behavior forced doubt to creep in further. My doubts about us, doubts about her feelings for me, and doubts about her commitment to our chaotic relationship.

Oh no. How happy could she be with me? From blissful to saddened in a half hour? The change in her spirit was either the result of the loss of Jacob's company or my arrival. I didn't like either option.

And Angela was confused. "Is something wrong?" She asked, whispering. "You seem…anxious."

"Is it that obvious?" Bella replied, her voice embarrassed.

"Not really." _…but she does seem so quiet, I wonder if something is wrong…_ "You don't have to talk about it unless you want to," Angela said. "I'll listen if you think it will help."

I watched her again through Angela's mind, waiting for her response, but Bella didn't answer. I could nearly feel her palpable indecision. I caught myself leaning forward towards nothing as I waited in confusion. In human time, she'd waited for nearly four long seconds to answer. A long time for polite conversation. Angela grew concerned.

"I'll mind my own business," she promised. _…she looks so unsure…_

"No…" she said. "You're right. I am anxious. It's…it's - Edward."

Oh. My foot gave a little as I stood there, leaning against the large branch of the tree_. _I hadn't expected that._ "It's Edward."_ As soon as the words left her lips, I felt trapped by her admission and the heavy uncertainty it carried with it. I couldn't move past the feeling that something had changed now. Was she going to reveal her true feelings and let me find out through circuitous measures such as these? No, surely not! I felt ridiculous for even thinking it. But, she sounded so - _forlorn_.

Angela's thoughts were silent in confusion. "What's wrong?" she asked. Her voice was full of genuine feeling …_Oh no, poor Bella and Edward…_

"Oh, he's mad at me." Bella replied, sounding so sad again.

…_goodness, what in the world would Bella do to make him mad…_

"That's hard to imagine, what is he mad about?"_…the way he looks at her I would have thought she could do no wrong, I hope it's not ser-…_

Bella let out a quiet sigh. "Do you remember Jacob Black?"

Images of Jacob Black filled Angela's thoughts as she considered Bella's mentioning of his name, causing my aggressive muscles to even tense further. It was so very uncomfortable. I was further tortured by the sound of Jacob's name on Bella's lips as it was repeated in Angela's mind while she struggled to make the connection. Angela then understood as she recalled a conversation that she and Ben had regarding Jacob's visit to the high school. She remembered the details as Ben had relayed them, and to him, it had appeared that we were fighting over Bella. And, we were.

"Ah," she said.

"Yeah."

Her words and thoughts were immediate, "He's jealous." She concluded.

My eyes fluttered and I struggled to take a deep breath, bracing myself. _Jealous_ didn't quite cover it.

But I cared little for Angela's perception considering that she knew very little of the situation. I was more concerned with Bella's reaction to such an accusation. This new Bella was unpredictable. Did she think I was jealous? I was, of course. Any man or individual would be, but had she never thought of that before? I couldn't decipher her quiet defensiveness.

"No, not _jealous_…" Bella murmured, sounding as if she was torn between contemplating the concept herself and defending me. "Edward thinks Jacob is…a bad influence, I guess. Sort of…dangerous. You know how much trouble I got in a few months back…It's all ridiculous, though."

I scoffed, huffing loudly. So, I was ridiculous now? Fury brimmed again as my curiosity receded in its powerful wake, intensified by my heightened irritation. That was her defense? Her explanation? My mind spun as I realized that instead of stating that she'd gone to visit Jacob because of an emergency, which would surely be mentioned in some capacity, she'd pointed at my distrust of him. And with that, she'd told me what I needed to know.

Bella had gone to see Jacob because I was gone. Not because he'd lured her.

…_how is he dangerous, he always seemed nice to me, instead it looks like he's in love with her…_Angela thought….

And, that was enough. I didn't want to hear any more this way, sneaking, listening, and _crouching_. I needed to talk to Bella directly. I blocked them both and sprang from the tree. I flipped my phone and spoke in flurry of words to Alice demanding she focus every ounce of her attention on Bella and Angela. She agreed that she would watch them both, and the house, to ensure their safety. And with that, I took off for the woods behind Angela's home, running, thinking, and struggling to push back the painful thirst that I knew would threaten my ability to remain calm around Bella when I waited for her tonight. Waited to speak to her directly...in her room...alone.

Which was exactly what I intended to do.

...

I ascended her house in one clean jump, too agitated for graceful scaling. Perhaps I could jump on her tree and snap the branch, leaving a constant reminder of her actions right outside her window?

My mood was so sour and my anger so intense that I had actually let out a bark of laughter as I'd entertained the thought of watching her explain the broken branch to Charlie. My dark humor was a short reprieve from my frustrations. My distraction left me foolishly unprepared. Unprepared for what would have normally been on the forefront of my mind. Her scent.

The moment I breathed carelessly, absorbed in my own thoughts, it hit me completely that I nearly stumbled backwards into her wall. Which would have surely crumbled under my unusually restrained agility.

I shrugged, gaining control, tightening my fist, and steadied for the fight, cursing myself for being so careless and consumed. The war with my venom and my instincts began and I retreated to the corner of her room like a wounded animal, anchoring myself against her wall. Very carefully.

It began then...the systematic self-torture. I breathed and burned and seethed. Frankly, the outrageous situation was so wholly irresponsible and absolutely unfair. I was angry. Fear struck me at one point as I'd remembered the image from Carlisle's mind of himself, starved and delusional stalking the deer in the clearing. The similarities were frightening. I felt irrational fear again seize me as I contemplated the risk she'd placed us both in. I knew it made my eyes wild and dark, but I was nearly helpless. Nearly.

With every ounce of determination, I used these emotions. And, I felt reassured as they ebbed and flowed at my will. It was as if I was cycling them through, allowing them to take me over so that I could eventually control them. Control them here, alone. It worked and I felt relieved as they slowly became my useful tools for fueling my ritual of discarding the venom and enduring its painful cycle in preparation for her arrival.

So, in this way I breathed to desensitize. I felt to conquer. I suffered to make myself safe for her. And I brooded and wallowed in my shallow pool of questions and regrets.

_...I'll be back so soon you won't have time to miss me. Look after my heart – I've left it with you..._And her words: "Go Have fun."

Had she truly been _waiting_for me to leave?

Why else go to Jacob when I was gone?

Was she taking advantage of my patience?

Patience that I'd struggled to perfect with every fiber of my being?

And yet, apparently, she felt it was given.

Excellent. Sneak off, keep secrets, insist on a friendship with my mortal enemy, demand that I respect the fact that he's in love with you. Whichever you prefer…or all of the above. Assumedly, my _patience was_ _perfect_. And why? WHY? Truly, I was capable of exerting considerable effort to withstand considerable stress or hardship on her behalf. But, what was she thinking to recklessly endanger herself in such a way? To endanger herself for what? The dog?

I needed to speak to Bella. I needed to declare my intentions, to make myself clear regarding her departure, and to draw my boundaries regarding her relationship with the dangerous dog. Yes. I would make her understand.

After moments had passed, my control became slightly more secure and eventually, one part of my mind counted the seconds while the other continued to brood. And I spent one and a half human hours waiting in her room, breathing, seething, and stifling my irrational need to break something out of sheer frustration for the situation that I was in. Most importantly, the tree branch.

...

My eyes snapped open as I heard her truck. Out of habit, a deep, animalistic breathing overtook me and I struggled to control it. My lips curled back as my body, irrationally began calling relentlessly for me to follow her scent. The vampire inside could not smell her yet, but a part of my mind knew she was there, that her delicious blood sang to me, stoking the flames of my instinctual need. I heard her talking to Charlie and I focused all of my concentration on her heartbeat. It kept me strong.

"I am going to go study," I heard her mumble to Charlie.

"See you later," Charlie grumbled.

Then, I could feel the vibrations of her little steps as she ascended the case toward the door. I braced myself as I strained to focus on her heartbeat more completely, more diligently than I'd ever focused on anything. I breathed in steadied anticipation.

For the first time, I wondered if she would expect me here? My mind raced at the question. What if she asked me to leave? What if my presence was unwanted? What if her ignoring of me was her way of avoiding me? My eyes closed and my fists clenched as I considered what she might say, that she might not want me to be near her. I began to feel that mixture of deep sadness and anger well within me. I was breathing harder.

And the pain was excruciating, beyond any pain I'd ever recalled. Starvation was even more painful than the denial of my thirst for Bella's blood that fateful day. Because, again, today, it was pure, unadulterated need that called for her now, not just wanton desire. I resolved to myself that regardless of what she said, I would say my peace. I would tell her what her actions had nearly done to us all. Ultimately, I would abide by her wishes, but first she needed to understand the severity of the situation.

I waited as she turned the doorknob.

And then. I smelled her.

The vicious venom scorched down the back of my throat in a new wave of torture, unparalleled in its intensity. I realized with shock and terror that I hadn't foreseen a critical detail.

It wasn't just her delicious scent that conjured the scorching venom this time, it was the mixture of her lovely, delicious scent with the smell of my enemy.

The smell of Jacob Black.

The two potent, provocative challenges for my instincts left me immobile. The doorknob turned fully and her scent preceded her in a charge against me, wafting in strong waves through the door and through the small vent above the frame of the entrance to her room with such intensity that it another torrent of venom through my body. I winced a little, but composed my face, but keeping my eyes closed in concentration. Instead, I breathed slowly and surely to control my response to the pain.

Finally, she began to open the door. My knees struggled to pull themselves downward into my hunting crouch, ready for her blood. But I fought them with all of my waning strength, forcing them to remain stationary. Forcing me to maintain a hold on that part of my humanity. The part of the man in me that didn't retreat to an animalistic crouch in the face of adversity, but stood on two feet. Ready and proud.

With this focus, I succeeded, leaning with dedication against her wall, but standing nonetheless.

She slid through and closed the door quietly. I snapped my eyes and watched her, first confirming that she was truly unharmed in case she'd put on a show for Angela of some sort, and secondly, judging her reaction to my presence. She seemed to be unharmed and more reluctant to approach me than angered by my presence. A wave of relief pushed through me, and a small part of me was grateful, but I still couldn't move. Some thought crossed her face and she cringed, but I could not focus on comforting her, either. I had to stay in control. My mind struggled to abate my instincts, which demanded her blood while my body struggled to control my mind.

And I was helpless to do anything about the waves of scorching, venomous fire.

Bella took a step toward me, but I didn't move. Torn, I half-hoped my withdrawn demeanor kept her back, while I half-hoped I could touch her. _Selfish! Please do not move forward, Bella._

I wanted to move backwards, not trusting myself, but I could not move. And there was no where to go. I had cornered myself. _Unwise, Edward, unwise._

"Hi," she said, taking another step toward me. Such a simple greeting.

_Bella._

Somehow, the sound of her voice seemed to hit me hard in a strange, new way. It stirred within me a foreign, conflicting whirlwind of emotions: gratitude that she was here now, sadness that she'd left me to begin with, sorrow that she'd felt the need to resort to such measures, and of course, frustration that she'd not understood the situation. Lest I not forget the anxiety that if I didn't do something to make her understand the seriousness, the violence of this situation, that she would only do it again.

I watched her, thinking hard. I did not trust myself to speak as her scent continued to whirl around me, challenging me, forcing me to struggle to control _so much_. I just needed time. Something in my expression must have showed her that I was dangerous. Her already wide yes grew even wider and her mouth parted slightly as she assessed me.

So, I glared at her sad, angry, frightened, and frustrated. Blinking furiously, she continued to watch me. I couldn't help but observe that she looked frightened for once. As she should be. I was beginning to calm. I could feel the receding emotions as I adjusted the affect she was having on my presence. Until she spoke again.

"So, I am alive." She offered.

I wanted to roar in frustration. I was less successful in suppressing the disturbing anger her comment generated, nor could I fight the growl that rose in my chest. _ALIVE?_ As if that was my minimal consolation! The thought of her riding on the damn motorcycle flashed forward to the forefront of my mind. I wasn't sure why, but then and now, _again_, she'd placed her livelihood at risk with him. And for that, this was to be my consolation?

"No harm done," She said again, shrugging.

And that was the final straw. My mind went blank with fury. I moved towards her and then instantly regretted it. My muscles were clenched so tightly and the disturbance of the air around her fluffed her scent towards me again. In a vain attempt to comfort myself, I closed my eyes and pinched my nose, willing my senses to calm, desperately reaching within myself to abandon my calming method by stopping my breathing, for the first time, as the smell of her and the dog continued to attack my mind and my body. I removed the image of her on the bike and resolved to start calmly.

"Bella," I whispered. The words teetered on my tongue. _Control. Yourself._ I tightened my stomach and began.

"Do you have any idea how close I came to crossing the line today?"…T_O DESTROYING YOUR "FRIEND" WITH MY BARE HANDS_… "to breaking the treaty and coming after you? Do you know what that would have meant?"_…DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME?...DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW INCONCEIVABLY FRUSTRATING THIS SITUATION IS FOR ME?..._

_Yes, Bella…this is the monster you love_. I wanted to shout. But I couldn't. I wouldn't.

She gasped, processing my spoken words. Understanding, hopefully, what her actions meant for her, for me, and for my entire family. I listened to her heart race, hoping she would finally understand. She said nothing at first. And I felt anguished at her lack of response. I didn't want to scare her and I knew my expression was hard.

"You can't!" she shouted, her eyes wide with fear. She reached her hands out from her body in an odd gesture as if in a panic, as if I was going to run to La Push now and she would be the one to stop me. I searched her eyes diligently, unable to touch her yet. She stared back at me, unflinching under my intensity.

"Edward, they'd use any excuse for a fight. They'd love that. You can't ever break the rules!"

They? Ha! She obviously failed to understand the satisfaction it would bring the darkest parts of my heart to tear that mongrel from limb to limb, destroying his threatening existence completely. I couldn't tell her that though, I could see in her eyes that she was already frightened. I flexed my jaw once before speaking lowly. "Maybe they aren't the only ones who would enjoy a fight."

"Don't you start," she snapped at me, pointing her finger towards me in accusation. Her gesture surprised one part of my mind that hadn't expected her own form of aggression. "You made a treaty - you stick to it."

I seethed at her words. I made a treaty, I stick to it? Regardless of the threat? Intolerable! I wanted to shout again, I wanted to rage, I wanted to storm, but I flexed my jaw and my clenched hands again. I was in control and I would stay in control. I'd come this far. I'd faced much worse preparing for her arrival. I could do this. She just needed to understand that although the treaty was in effect, it would be broken if anything happened to her. "If he'd hurt you –" I began, realizing my voice was shaken with emotion at the very thought of him losing control with her.

"Enough!" she spat. "There's nothing to worry about. Jacob isn't dangerous." She finished, holding her ground.

I watched her; unable to understand what evidence she could possible use to support this. Maybe she didn't have anything to support such a claim, she frequently put herself in danger - _…Yes, that was it._ She had no idea what was safe or not. I felt the anger push aside as my concern for her drew itself out. She was so trusting, so good. "Bella, you aren't exactly the best judge of what is or isn't dangerous."

"I know I don't have to worry about Jake. And neither do you."_ Jake. Jake. Jake. _The familiarity spurned on the dying, weakened frustration again like blowing against kindling of a fire. I struggled for a moment, grounding my teeth together in an effort to compose myself to speak. She watched me, concerned or saddened, undoubtedly by my inability to control myself.

Then, she moved towards me, taking a deep breath, which blew across the space between us. I stiffened, cornered. Her heart sped up as she came closer.

And I knew I was done for as she came so close I could feel the heat of her delicate body come closer, soothing and easing my tension. Comforting Bella.

Just as quickly as my erratic, wild emotions had consumed me, I felt my anger recede as I saw her sad, agonized face. She was attempting to apologize in her own way. My resolve crumbled further as we touched. I closed my eyes as she came to rest against my chest. The heat and the resonating thud of her heart enveloped my angry, complicated world. It was the purest distraction from the war within myself, the war against the venomous monster I didn't want to be, and the war against _Jacob Black_.

It was then that I completely lost it. In genuine tenderness, her little hands came to a rest at the small of my back, pulling me towards her. I wanted to breathe in her scent as she laid her head against my chest, but I didn't trust myself just yet. Oh. I wanted to touch her badly, to hold her, to feel her comforting warmth even more, but I didn't. Selfish I was, reckless I was not. And I knew with certaintly that my hands wouldn't crumble from their comfortable clench as easily as my resolve had.

"I'm sorry I made you anxious," she whispered, tightening her hold against me as she spoke. The gesture was so sincere. The kindness in her voice and in her hold told me what she'd probably never say. I'd been such a fool. She didn't want me to suffer. Would I ever make her understand how much she meant to me? Was there a way to explain this in a way she would understand? I hadn't been _anxious and helpless! _I'd been frightened. Frightened of losing her, of losing us, of losing _this_. Her scent, her comfort, her love, her closeness. Diligently, fresh venom washed through me, but it was of no consequence. I was in control still.

I sighed at her loving embrace and its immediate affect on me. "Anxious is a bit of an understatement," I whispered, thinking of my intense anxiety, my muscles, which were still so tightly wound, and my erratic emotions which I'd wrestled with all day. "It was a very long day." I admitted.

I wanted to tangle my fingers in her hair.

"You weren't supposed to know about it," she said. What? I flinched at her words. She pulled away from me slightly in response and I watched her wide, exquisite eyes in strange curiosity. She blinked innocently at me, growing concerned over something, perhaps my face? "I thought you'd be hunting longer." She added quietly.

"When Alice saw you disappear, I came back." I explained, thinking of that agonizing trip.

"You shouldn't have done that," she pleaded. "Now you'll have to go away again."

I looked down at her soft, beautiful face. She was frowning again, her heartbreaking expression contorted into a sad mask of anxiety and despair. I couldn't handle it. I didn't want to go. I wished I didn't have to. Technically, I could find a way around it, surely. It would be frustrating for a while, but I could hunt small game. My thirst was under control now and I was practically _starving_. I could. I could do anything for her. It was as if my need for her on all levels had superseded instinct under the most extreme circumstances…if I could handle _this_...a quick trip twice a day would be sufficient…

"I can wait." I resolved, hoping she would find comfort in my words. In my sacrifice. But, she frowned again.

"That's ridiculous. I mean, I know she couldn't see me with Jacob, but you should have known-" She trailed off, speaking mostly to herself.

"But I didn't," I interrupted her, thinking of my wildest imaginings as I'd sat in my car, listlessly agonizing over her safety. It seemed so far away from now, from this moment with her. I never wanted to feel that helpless again. "And you can't expect me to let you – "

"Oh, yes, I can!" She erupted shockingly. "That's exactly what I expect – "

I spoke slowly. "This won't happen again." I hardened my expression, narrowing my eyes into hers, desperately hoping to clearly show her how desperate this situation had been for me. She was unmoved.

"That's right! Because you're not going to overreact next time!" She cried, throwing her hands in the air, moving back away from me. Instantly, I wanted her back. I longed for her, but I didn't reach out. This wasn't the time for pining. She needed to understand.

"Because there isn't going to be a next time." I warned.

"I understand when you have to leave, even if I don't like it –"

"That's not the same. I am not risking my life." I explained, fixing my expression.

"Neither am I."

"Werewolves constitute a risk." I whispered waspishly, leaning towards her, hoping it would click for her somehow. It was in vain. Her expression hardened at my harsh tone.

"I disagree," she said, shaking her head in petulant disagreement. She could disagree all day long, but I would not let her endanger herself again. "I'm not negotiating this, Bella."

"Neither am I" she said, provoking me with an arrogant head tilt. I tightened my fists, as the decaying frustration welled again and I felt legitimate annoyance at her lack of understanding, her lack of concern for herself, and her blind, willful trust in dangerous things, including myself. I struggled to think of something to say to convince her, but before I could say something, she spoke.

"Is this really just about my safety?" she asked suspiciously.

I looked down at her in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"You aren't…" she started, losing her words. And then, it clicked. Angela. It seemed so far away now, too. Angela's theory came forward and I remembered their conversation in explicit detail. I needed to end this right now, but she hadn't been aware that I was listening. "I mean, you know better than to be jealous, right?" She continued, rephrasing carefully. I noticed.

"Do I?" I searched her eyes for the answers, but found nothing but hesitant curiosity. My silence concerned her; she lifted her head to mine, searching my eyes in return. I peered back, hoping she would be furious at my question. Her anger would demonstrate the outrageousness of the entire idea. But...she wasn't.

"Be serious." She sounded uncertain.

"Easily – there's nothing remotely humorous about this." I didn't want _uncertainty_, I wanted insulted outrage. I wanted reassurance that my feelings were needless. Reassurance that he was nothing more than a friend, and nothing more than a friend that would eventually cease to be involved in our lives. The sooner the better. And, desperately, I wanted reassurance that her feelings had not changed.

She narrowed her eyes and I tightened mine in response. "Or…is this something else altogether?" She ventured carefully. "Some vampires –and-werewolves-are-always-enemies-nonsense? Is this just a testosterone fueled –"

My barely lit frustration wasn't powerful enough to provoke me this time, so I stared at her in condescension for her ridiculous accusation. She flinched at the new intensity in my eyes and pulled back slightly, but I couldn't focus on holding my face together. I _was_ jealous, of course. But, my insecurities over their relationship paled in comparison to my concerns over his erratic temper, his dangerous habits, and his ridiculously unpredictable behavior. He did not possess the control, the discipline, or the will to hold anything back.

"This is only about you. All I care is that you're safe." I explained, hoping she sensed _my_ sincerity as I'd sensed hers. Her eyes softened and she blinked a few times before sighing, moving her warmth even closer to me. I nearly sighed in relief. She dropped her head back on my chest and I wanted her to know how good it felt to have her close. I couldn't relax yet, though.

"Okay," she whispered into my shirt, angling her head inward to snuggle slightly against my collarbone. I closed my eyes as I thought about how close her lips were to mine and how badly I wanted to touch them.

"I believe that. But I want you to know something – when it comes to all this 'enemies' nonsense, I am out. I am a neutral country. I am Switzerland. I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures. Jacob is family. You are…well, not exactly the love of my life, because I expect to love you for much longer than that. The love of my existence. I don't care who's a werewolf and who's a vampire. If Angela turns out to be a witch, she can join the party, too." She said, serious and concerned.

I almost shook my head in incredulous wonder. Did she truly believe I would buy into that? Her naïve words spun tiny webs of confusion, compassion, and comfort in my head. But, I chose to focus on her reassurances. _"The love of my existence." _

Consumed with relief, I took a careless, deep breath first time and immediately regretted that, too. Jacob's overpowering, vile scent tainted her so completely, and now that my anger was subsiding, it was even stronger. The scent had moved from a strong provocative smell to a colorful, powerful odor that sent the hairs of my neck to attention. I cringed a little, but she looked at me unwittingly.

"Switzerland," she repeated, brows raised, encouraging me to agree. But, I didn't. I wouldn't. Not now. Not _ever._

Without that anger and frustration to keep them company, my senses were on a higher alert. Distracted, I struggled for something to say that would indicate that I didn't agree to her ridiculous assertion, but the disgusting smell of the dog would not subside and the venom was becoming unbearable. It was tainting my mind, lingering on the back of my tongue, in my nose, and in my mouth. I sighed, trying to expel it from my body, but out of habit, and without thinking I took in another breath. It was so strong. I cringed from both the pain and the disgust.

"What now?" she asked.

"Well…don't be offended. But - you smell like a dog." I admitted, smirking at her. And then Bella smiled back. But, it wasn't just her usual radiant smile, it was the smile that destroyed every ounce of anger and frustration that I'd felt. It was the smile that conquered my demons for me, slaying them, beating them back in one clean stroke. It was the smile that I wanted to see for as long as I was afforded the privilege.

And, it was the smile of a truce. At least for now.

* * *

**Again, I think that the character Stephenie Meyer built would have hunted in the woods quickly, knowing it likely that Bella wouldn't return immediately, but this is canon! I hope you liked it!**


	4. Chapter 8 Temper

**I do not own Twilight, nor do I own any of the characters. All characters and themes referenced in Eclipse belong to Stephenie Meyer. Any quotations from Eclipse are purely for reference and are in no way an attempt at any copyright infringement.**

**I had fun with this one. I love my Emmett.**

* * *

Emmett's jovial, booming laughter was completely filling the night air. His joy felt infectious. Running from the woods, I saw him approach and as if a bolt of energy shocked him, he charged at me for a high five. I rolled my eyes, but relented and raised my hand to his. He smacked it with unnecessary, exuberant force. I grinned at him and wrenched the handle to the Jeep open, sliding into the back seat. Carlisle arrived next to me, Jasper took the front seat, and Emmett slid behind the wheel.

Emmett was positively beaming. He had successfully brought down an entire herd of deer, completely destroying his previous record of the "Seven Minute Slaughter", as he liked to call it. I suppressed another smirk as I remembered the massive smile that adorned his face as Jasper called out the defeat of his previous personal record. The new record was established at seven deer in six minutes and twenty-nine seconds. I heard him repeatedly congratulate himself in his thoughts, marveling at his own prowess and strength. Carlisle smiled at his adopted son, musing at his fervor for competition, even with himself.

"Yes!" he squealed, slapping the back of Jasper's seat with his right hand, leaving a hand imprint on the fine leather.

He turned to beam at me from behind the wheel and cast a quick gloating look at Jasper. Jasper sighed in the front seat and turned his thoughts to his memories of hunting as a human young man. There were others with him in the image and I briefly wondered if they were his human family. I blocked him intentionally. His thoughts were fascinating, but it felt inappropriate to intrude. Emmett exhaled loudly again in self-satisfaction and turned to face the dirt road, switching the key over in the ignition and shaking his head at himself in pure delight.

"I will never tell you my secret, guys. But I can tell you that it's all about pacing yourself…" he said.

He had addressed all of us, but he was talking to me. His eyes trained on mine in the rear-view mirror.

"Emmett…I stalk and you charge. I know more about pacing than you could _possibly imagine_," I pointed out.

I added emphasis on those last few words with a slightly raised brow. I wore an intentionally smug look on my face. I truly was the more graceful and efficient hunter and he knew it.

"_Really_…" he challenged.

He blocked his thoughts from me and turned his head, arching his torso at an extreme angle in an effort to imitate a very careful back-up of the vehicle. He was grinning. As he completed his back-up he did not readjust, instead he leaned further across the middle console of the front seat and placed his hand on the back of Jasper's seat.

"Well...why don't we put your money where your mouth is, bro? Next time, we switch styles. You use my technique and I'll use yours, if that's what you call it. Jasper will time us and we'll see who can meet the challenge in less than six minutes and twenty-nine seconds!" He stared from the front seat and raised one eyebrow. He was goading me. I tried to read his thoughts, but he kept his mind closed by humming his favorite rock tune.

I met his eyes and resisted the urge to taunt him with a response that would only be rooted in conceit. Deer was one thing; mountain lion was another. I had a fleeting image of Emmett attempting to "stalk" a female mountain lion.

He let out a low growl. I sighed and rolled my eyes at him, averting his gaze completely. Nothing annoyed Emmett more than being ignored. He read that my reaction was an attempt to convey that the thought of his challenge was not worthy of my attention. He still hadn't moved, though. His determination intensifying.

I continued to show my indifference, pretending to not notice. I propped my elbow on the window frame and placed my closed fist under my right cheek as if to continue to express my boredom. He let out another growl. I glanced from the trees to his face, pretending to be confused by his frustration. "Are you going to drive on?" I inquired, releasing my fist from under my cheek, waving him forward with my hand as if to encourage him.

He knew me better than that. He peered at me suspiciously with a devilishly wide smile forming at the corner of his mouth. "Nope, not until I get an answer, Edward! You can't avoid me. _Come_...on! Don't be a coward…" he whined.

At this Jasper turned his torso in his seat in front of me to provide me with a sympathetic glance. Carlisle looked amused. I cast annoyed glances at them both before I conceded. "Fine, Emmett." I sighed again.

He moved his arm from Jasper's seat and pushed out a fist towards me. I met it with a resigned smile. He turned forward in total satisfaction. "Power fists seal the deal, Edward," he said. Nodding his head back and forth as if my commitment was irrevocable.

_Yes! It will be soooo awesome. We'll make it a series of challenges with diff.._

" But…" I interrupted him. I held up one finger as he tightened his eyes in the rear-view mirror waiting for the condition. His mental rejoicing ceased immediately.

"It should be noted that I cannot promise to imitate your technique properly. Brutish, irrational charges simply may not be possible for me…" I murmured casually, struggling to appear certain that the very prospect was utterly impossible.

"HA, HA! We'll see, little bro, we'll see!" he boomed loudly.

Jasper chuckled and turned to face the road. Carlisle let out hearty laugh. With a new song in his thoughts, Emmett finally slid out of the woods, put his foot on the gas, and began our journey home. We began to drive and I closed my eyes, feeling relaxed. I rested my head against the window and gazed at magnificent beauty of the forest.

I enjoyed these drives, but it did take significant concentration to maintain their privacy in the quiet car. As I tuned them out, I could not escape the verbal conversation taking place between Emmett and Jasper regarding the subject of hunting cold-blooded reptiles this coming summer. Carlisle was peaceful and at ease, as usual. His thoughts were of his patients and Esme. After a while, Emmett and Jasper's words, and Carlisle's thoughts ranged from a low hum to a comfortable silence. I barely noticed.

My excitement overcame my rational mind and I began to anxiously count the minutes until we would enter the town of Forks. It wouldn't be long now, particularly with Emmett's desire for speed intensified by his high mood and fresh victory. I was not just excited. I felt absolutely elated.

I closed my eyes tighter and shifted my head to rest against the cool leather seat, letting my mind wander. She was there, at my house, sleeping on the exquisite, antique bed I'd purchased for her. By now, she could be curled into a ball, hopefully wishing I were there with her. I smiled in remembrance of the vision I'd intercepted from Alice's mind of Bella laying in an elegant position on the far side of the giant bed, dreaming.

All I could think of was Bella. I felt a twinge of guilt as I remembered why I was so excited. She was at my house because I'd tricked her, leaving her in Alice's care under extreme circumstances. Although I loath to appear the tyrant, I had no choice. I could not concentrate on any aspect of the hunt with my mind constantly drifting to her safety. It was intolerable.

I suddenly realized that Emmett's cheer might be because, for the first time in a very long time, we had all hunted together. Was his challenge was not just for sport, but also a ploy to plan a repeat of this weekend's adventures? I winced; my ill mood frequently disrupted the lives of those I loved.

But, in truth, with Bella safe in Alice's capable hands, I'd actually been able to enjoy myself this weekend. Jasper had felt like himself without my depression and anxiety rolling toward him in incessant waves of anguish. Emmett had been able to do what he does best, enjoy our lifestyle in any way possible. Carlisle frequently looked at us all in bright-eyed wonder, sincerely thanking his God for the very fact that we were all together.

His sincerity was humbling.

In fact, not only had I been free from worry of Bella's safety, but I had also received a delightful surprise halfway through the trip, brightening my mood even more. I grinned to myself as I remembered the voice message she'd left on my phone. Flustered and pouty, she'd called to scold me for deceiving her. It was ridiculously adorable. I had listened to the message six times before saving it.

I caught myself on the verge of laughter as I recalled another vision I'd caught from Alice's mind prior to our departure. It was exquisite. In the vision, Bella was sitting on our white couch; Alice at her feet, painting Bella's delicate toes a shocking shade of red. I truly struggled to stifle my laughter as I remembered the scowl I was sure I'd seen on Bella's beautiful face. Her lips were always so full and soft. They were always so inviting…

I was impatient. Where were we? I had drifted into my thoughts so completely I'd nearly lost track of time. In my sudden awareness, I lowered my mental block on my family's minds too prematurely. Instantly, I caught an image in Emmett's mind of Rosalie sauntering towards him, lips bright red, and hair wild. Jasper was thinking about taking Alice horseback riding. Carlisle was reciting his favorite poems by Rudyard Kipling. I cringed at the intensity of Emmett's memories and immediately blocked them again. It was late and we were at least an hour from Forks.

I sighed, closing my eyes again, lowering myself further into my seat. Time taunted me when I was away from her. In my new comfortable position, I activated the part of my mind's eye that held my most cherished experiences with her. I could find peace there when we were apart. Since I'd fallen in love with Bella, I had developed a new appreciation for my detailed vampire senses, which allowed me to preserve even the most inane details as carefully protected memories. I sifted through my best, most cherished memories selecting one of my favorites. I walked through it with perfect clarity, reliving the details with extraordinary pleasure, allowing it to absorb me completely.

--

Her bed was too small for the both of us, but we managed. She was wide-awake, her face turned to mine, her eyes clear and deep, her scent delicate and powerful. We laid there in the darkness nearly nose to nose, but otherwise separated as if an invisible barrier were placed between our bodies. My invisible barrier. Despite my insistence, she was adamantly refusing to sleep. We had been back together approximately six days and although she never said as much, I knew she remembered how much sleep she had gotten when I had abandoned her. She probably wished to never sleep again.

My involuntary grimace in response to the reminder of my actions almost lifted me from my reverie. I fought it back and focused on the memory. I tightened my eyes.

Her hair was soft and shiny in the dim moonlight. The smooth, warm sensation of the thick strand on my fingertips, as I cleared it from her neck, was exhilarating. She shivered, but not from the cold. We laid like that for several minutes until the overwhelming urge to kiss her forced my cold lips to hers. I closed my eyes and wrapped both of my hands around the cheeks of her lovely face. Her mouth gave under the slightest pressure. The sensation was exquisite.

Immediately, her breathing hitched in response to my tender kiss. She sighed into my mouth with pleasure. She rested her small hands against my chest. She was so warm. Usually, our intimacy was not enough for her and that night; I had felt a small fraction of what she must feel all the time. I struggled to resist, but ultimately decided to move my right hand from its comfortable position on her left cheek. I just wanted to feel more of her skin. I slowly moved my fingers along her jaw line, carefully tracing the magnificent curve from its start at her chin to the ending at the base of her ear. I did not stop kissing her lips. Ever mindful of the pressure at my fingertips, I continued to trace her neck until my entire hand finally longed to touch her.

Slowly, I enveloped my entire hand around the side of her warm neck. Her blood increased its pace through her body, her heart charged in her chest, and her body practically struggled to be near me. I could feel her pulsing vein beneath my hand and instantly, I washed the fresh venom away within a fraction of a second. I paused, considering whether her discipline could handle anything further. I stopped my hand at the place on her neck.

"Bella…" I whispered against her lips, my left hand still cradled against her right cheek, which was almost touching the pillow underneath her head.

She did not respond immediately. She could sense the difference in my touch and the intensity in my kiss. My eyes opened and I caught her intense glare. Although I could not read her thoughts, with this, I knew her mind. She wanted me to touch her; she just could not say it.

"Bella…I need you to promise me that you will control yourself…" I whispered firmly.

When she had failed to respond the second time, I pulled my head back slightly and intensified my gaze. Her heart was racing, hammering, pounding. She had the look of a deer trapped in the glare of bright headlights. The comparison unnerved me.

"Sorry…" she finally breathed, exhaling suddenly. She hadn't been breathing and I chuckled against her skin. Was she sorry for feeling passion? She had no idea.

"Bella…can you control yourself…if…?" I continued. After seeing her eyes in that helpless expression, I was not entirely certain of her ability to breathe.

"Yes…please…_please_, Edward…" she whispered with veiled anticipation.

I closed my eyes to relish her words, her scent, and her careful annunciation of every syllable of my name. When I was sure she was composed, I opened my eyes and carefully placed my lips to hers again, moving slightly against her mouth. As I moved my hand from her neck to her collarbone, down her arms, around her elbow, stopping at her ribs, she breathed again and moved just slightly into the tender pressure of my hand. She was pressing her hands slightly against my chest, willing me to continue.

The warmth of her breath permeated my senses and swirled high above us into a colorful, intoxicating cloud. I ceased breathing, pausing for another infinitesimal second in order to force the newly pooled venom down my throat. The pain was intense, but when I was sure I could continue to kiss her again, I slowly moved my free hand to a comfortable position to the curve at her hip and waist. It felt as if she had been carved specifically for my hand. The warmth of her skin through her soft cotton nightshirt was desperately alluring.

Carefully, I wrapped four fingertips just short of the small of her back, watching her carefully as I moved my thumb back and forth along her abdomen, enjoying the sensations. Tingling ran through my arm and her heart went _wild_ for me.

_Spectacular._

I could not get enough of her and as I kissed her, my thumb moved back and forth, accessing with each stroke a wider range of my newly discovered territory. As I shifted my hand just slightly, my thumb caught the edge of her night-shirt and my thumb slid underneath. Clothing was essential to her protection. But, with this movement, my resolve wavered further and hers completely crumbled.

Quickly, she removed her hands from their stationary position on my cold chest and moved them downward, imitating my actions as her left hand stopped just short of my hip. Her hands were small and delicate and they left a wave of warmth down the front of my chest and down my side. She was not slow and deliberate, but she carefully moved her fingers across my abdomen to slide them underneath my shirt without warning.

The shocking warmth of her touch forced my eyes open; I tilted my head back slightly. My lips stopped. She didn't move. Our eyes gazed into one another as she assessed them in an effort to detect rebellion. She detected no such thing. I forced myself to relax. I closed my eyes as her little hand blazed a delightful trail into uncharted areas across my abdomen. In a matter of a minute, she'd felt every inch. Her touch sent thrills through my body and I still wasn't breathing to avoid her scent, but I fought the urge to exhale in response.

Then, it happened.

Perhaps inspired by my acquiescence, she attempted to cross the proverbial Rubicon of our physical relationship. My eyes were closed as I lay back, enjoying the sensations inside and outside of my body, the tingling inspired by her touch, anxiously anticipating the upward movement of her hand - when suddenly she moved downward. In one fluid motion, her inoffensive little hand moved to the very top of my trousers. In the full second it took for her action to register with my sensation-addled brain, she had succeeded in placing the fingertip of her forefinger a fourth of an inch inside the band of my trousers.

My eyes flew open and our hands simultaneously ceased any and all movement. She froze her hand in its place, which was desperately unhelpful. Her warmth, combined with my desire for her to continue nearly destroyed my resolve to hold back. As I watched her eyelids slowly flutter open, she gazed at me from beneath her lashes with apology etched in her expression. _She was dangerous_. I clenched my jaw in frustration. Her single fingertip had succeeded in igniting an uncontrollable warmth within my body. I was aroused and aching for her touch. I couldn't let that happen.

"Bella, I…why did…" I stammered and stopped.

My hands were still in place. I almost breathed out of habit to calm me, but decided against it. I took one second to collect my thoughts before carefully moving my hand from her waist, grasping her small hand in mine, before securing her palm against my chest. Our faces were inches apart as our eyes locked.

"Bella..." I breathed, agonized.

I did not want her to feel for one second that I did not want everything she did. She closed her eyes at the sound of my pain. I knew she regretted her rash decision. What was she thinking? I had to breathe, but it wouldn't help me clear my head. I steadied myself and slowly breathed one time for recovery before beginning again.

Desire moved through me again as I reassessed her scent, leaving the sensations tingling on the back of my tongue, flooding my brain. Another pool of venom collected and I swiftly discarded it. I looked down at her warm figure next to mine, her full eyes focused on mine in anticipation, her full, sensual lips…

I started again, this time I controlled myself. I felt my firm resolve, my strength return. I would not allow my weakness to jeopardize her. I had to make her understand.

"Listen to me…"

Her eyes opened again, this time I could tell they were close to tears. She looked as if she was blaming herself, not me. The monster.

"Bella, don't be upset, please. Listen to me. I need you to understand something, please."

My voice was no longer pleading, but firm. She drew from my strength. Her eyes met mine with perfect clarity.

"I am sorry, Edward. I was out of line…I…" she started.

I hesitated, but decided it was safe to move my hand from hers. I took my right hand and laid my finger on her soft, swollen lips.

"No, no..." I shook my head. "I want you to know that I desperately understand what you are feeling, probably more than you know. But, I need you to grasp that there is more at stake here than physical satisfaction." She closed her eyes and stifled a sob. "It was my fault. I am sorry," I finished.

I moved my hands from their positions and pulled her close to me. Ironically, in that intimate moment, it had been her warm heartbeat that helped me reign in my sanity. I knew then that when my desire receded enough to hold her without the threat of losing control, I had made incredible progress. I took in the smell of her scent and rocked her to sleep.

--

"Edward, dude, are you okay?" Emmett asked..._I could have sworn that if he could sleep…_

Jasper turned to look at me, concerned, or confused by my feelings undoubtedly. Carlisle knew better. _Are you thinking of Bella?_ He thought. I nodded.

I was still a bit startled at being thrown back into reality from a magnificent alternate universe. I was irritated by the disruption. I had subconsciously known we were slowing, and then stopping, but I had been absorbed with enjoying her. I gathered my bearings and realized we were close to home. Why did we stop? Ah, yes. Gas for the Jeep. Naturally.

The pull to get home felt so strong. Perhaps I should run? I wanted to see her. I wanted to hold her, take her scent into my mind and hold on to it, savoring its dynamic luxury. I _needed_ her.

I got out and stretched. The air whipped around me, heavy with moisture. I took several deep breaths and cast a long glance at Emmett from across the top of the Jeep, silently willing him to speed up the process. He was not paying attention. As I opened my mind to his thoughts, I caught an image of Rosalie in yet another compromising position. Could he not control this when I was around? _Emmett._ I rolled my eyes.

"Damnit, hurry up!" Emmett shouted at the gas pump that persistently ticked at each liter of gasoline it unloaded into the vehicle. He was anxious for his own reasons.

"Patience, Emmett…" Jasper murmured, throwing a wave of calm his way.

"Ugh. Don't _do that_, Jasper…" he pleaded. He sighed deeply. It was too late to argue. He felt so _peaceful._

Jasper grinned and let out a low chuckle. Carlisle and I laughed too.

Finally, we pulled up the long, snaked drive to the house. I was much more excited than usual, of course. But, it felt really nice to be home. _Home._ I longed to be in my quiet, tranquil room. With her.

We pulled into the rounded drive and parked in the garage, which was already open. Alice waited for us on the hood of my Volvo, watching each of us get out of the vehicle. She was doing her very best to look indifferent. Inside, she was exuberant.

We each quickly jumped out, leaving our props in the car for later unpacking. Consciously, I shut my door quietly, immediately aware of my surroundings hoping that our arrival home would not wake her.

"Edward. Carlisle. Emmett…" she nodded her head at each of us from her seat on the hood of my car, casually, tilting her small features in an attempt at suppressing her radiant smile with mock seriousness.

Immediately, she locked eyes with Jasper, her smile slightly breaking through. He smiled back, walking toward her to lean against my car.

"Where's Rose?" Emmett asked.

"Inside…" Alice coolly responded, her high musical voice higher than usual. She flashed a sly glance in my direction.

"Sweet!" Emmett exhaled right before he bounded out of sight around the back of the house, anxious to share his victory.

"I am headed inside. Good night." Carlisle nodded, walking in the door.

I attempted to pass Alice and Jasper. As I headed into the entrance, I tried to alter my stride in an effort to appear casual. I did not fool Alice. In one lithe movement, she bounded off the hood of my Volvo and landed right in my path, grinning. Curiously, she kept her thoughts still. Gauging my expression, she offered something else, probably to prevent me from probing. She winked as she threw me an image of her speeding down the Pacific Highway in a new Mercedes with Jasper in the passenger's seat. Undoubtedly, headed for a weekend of horseback riding on the beach. I smiled in response. She had her Porsche, but she'd earned it.

"Yes, Alice…" I chuckled.

"Oh, Edward!" She squealed, jumping with force to up and down on the concrete in little, graceful bounces.

"Shhh, Alice!" I scolded, attempting to scowl, but with no success. I truly loved her for just being _Alice_. She was my best friend.

Smiling sheepishly, she put her pointer finger to her lips in order to demonstrate her renewed silence. She was ecstatic. Jasper laughed to himself as he felt her joy. He spread it around in one clean movement. I didn't need it though. I chuckled at his gesture and bid them goodnight with one backward glance as I headed through the doorway. I just wanted to get to my room and see her. I focused my mind on the steady hum of thoughts in an effort to anticipate the locations of my family members so that I could easily, and without insult, avoid them. Carlisle and Esme were in their room, both reading, and I stopped searching after I heard Emmett's internal shout of "_Damn_!"

I didn't want to know any more.

I moved too quickly up the staircases, unable to contain my anticipation any longer. I could hear her heartbeat from where I was standing and I thrilled at the sound. Bracing myself for her scent, I moved up the second staircase towards my hallway. My feet touched the firm landing and it hit me hard.

I had been away from her for too long. I stopped. Harnessing my purpose and determination, I took six deep, consecutive breaths. Her incredibly powerful scent inundated my senses and I sucked back all three full pools of venom that flowed simultaneously into my mouth. My throat screamed and my muscles rebelled against the systematic self-torture. I felt my stomach churn in agony, but I did not waver. Swallowing the last, slightly diluted gush of venom, I stepped slowly forward, judging each movement unnecessarily. I never wanted to hurt her again.

I stopped outside my door, closing my eyes, and silently relished the sound of her reliable, beautiful heart. I stilled my movements for a second and sighed, placing my hand against the door and letting my forehead fall against the smooth wood. The steady beat was so strong it coursed through my body, reverberating, surrounding me, dizzying me…_thump-thump…thump-thump_…the song of my existence.

I quietly grasped the cool doorknob and silently entered my room. I moved my body effortlessly through the doorway only to grab the doorknob on the other side in order to close the door quietly behind me.

Her scent was intoxicating, but I fought the new venom with every ounce of my being, ignoring the subsequent pain and discomfort. I trained my eyes on the bed, which was a total mess. Where was she? I flashed my eyes to my couch. Bella was curled against the side, sleeping soundlessly. Rejection washed over me. Was she truly so angry with me that she rejected my gift?

I was not necessarily _sorry_ that I'd deceived her. Frankly, it was a necessity. If anything proved she had no regard for her own self-interest it was the very fact that she was sleeping soundlessly and comfortably in a vampire's bedroom. She _was _brave. I smirked at her in the darkness, appreciating her subtle strength. Suddenly, I wanted apologize to her.

I took a step forward and stopped, realizing the doorknob was still in my hand. _Ha!_ She succeeded in stunning me into complete inactivity, even while sleeping. _Oh, Bella_…

I sighed, longing to touch her. But why was she on the couch? I had purchased the bed intentionally in response to a vision from Alice's mind. I retreated to that vision and saw, for the second time, Bella curled up on the bed. I marveled again at her indecisiveness. Was she really that upset?

I moved silently forward. She stirred a little. Her sleeping habits had become increasingly erratic over the past few weeks. Between the nightmares that haunted her face and her fears that she would wake up and find that I had abandoned her, she rarely enjoyed more than five hours per night. I knew this was not enough. I flinched at the reminder of the pain I had caused her and silently walked toward her.

As I approached, I caught my reflection in the mirror above my dresser. I suddenly stopped. I could see myself clearly in the pale moonlight that now flooded my bedroom. I truly resembled a creature of the night. The reflection sent a shock through me. I was repulsive. I had to look away, but the image of my glaring white skin and my sallow frame haunted me. I forced myself to focus on her breathing and her heartbeat as I approached her form on the couch. I pushed away the second haunting image: predator hunting unsuspecting prey.

I sighed. She suddenly stirred again and then, in one slow movement, she reached up in a stretch and nearly dropped herself off the couch.

This would not do.

In a flash, I steadied her form and lifted her quickly to the bed. My hands burned with the touch of her skin. A warm sensation passed through me. I didn't want to let go, so I kept my touch soft on her back for a moment. Would I chill her? I withdrew to the edge of the bed, watching her peaceful sleep.

"Hmph"

I closed my eyes at the sound. She was dreaming! I loved this part of the night. The flood of words that came involuntarily from her lips were precious little extractions from her magnificent subconscious. My only way into her mind. Her nightmares scared her and I longed to understand them, to cease them, but her dreams were treasures. And, so often they were of me. She moved again, just slightly. Was she cold, despite my distance? The golden blanket meant for the bed was on the couch and I considering moving to retrieve it, but then she stirred again and rolled onto her back towards me. Immediately, her heart skipped a beat. It was a beautiful sound. I was sorry that my presence had woken her.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." I whispered.

In a soft, clumsy movement, she reached her hand up to find me. It was dark now, the clouds had moved obscuring the moon entirely. She reached up, searching for my face. I leaned downward in an attempt to aid her, placing my hands on the edge of the bed. I didn't want to hold out any longer, particularly when she was reaching for me. Her scent stirred with her movement; I quickly cleared the fresh venom effortlessly. I gave in. I met my cold hand to hers and softly positioned myself next to her. She pulled herself closer to me, closing the space between us.

We were nearly face-to-face, but I leaned down to snuggle my face against her neck. She smelled delightful. She placed her hands on my chest, resting them comfortably. Her warm touch brought a calming feeling over me. As I gently pulled her closer, I wrapped my arms around her entirely. Her scent was nearly overwhelming and my head buzzed with longing for her.

I was disrupted from my euphoria slightly when her body tensed. How could I have forgotten? She was angry and I was invading her space, selfishly pushing myself on her when she was upset. Was there no end to my self-absorption? I looked for more meaning behind her tension, but she was still. Her heart was beating steadily. It beat just as thoroughly as it had before. She began to relax.

I felt like I was in limbo. Should I disengage myself from her or not? What was she thinking? I felt so complete right here, lying next to her. I was not going to leave unless she verbalized that want, or pushed me away with her hands. I had been away too long. I wanted to soak in the feeling of lying here with her as if it were my last moment on Earth. I closed my eyes and concentrated hard. I wanted to preserve every detail for later review. But it was difficult to concentrate.

She was so warm, so soft, and so beautiful. I felt the sudden urge to kiss her, and almost as if she read my mind, she began to move her face slowly towards mine, angling upwards as if she were craning her neck. I bent to meet her and sought her lips with my own. Her scent was nothing compared to the feel of her lips against mine. She wanted me to kiss her. Was this my punishment for deceiving her? Some grizzly she was. I hugged her tightly; carefully applying enough sensitive pressure to her lips so that I could murmur against them without interrupting our kiss.

"I was braced for the wrath that was going to put grizzlies to shame, and this is what I get? I should infuriate you more often."

I was glowing and if she had seen my face, she probably would have been furious. I was teasing her.

"Give me a minute to work up to it," she mumbled.

Sleepy, yet still she was taunting me. _Take your time, or mine for that matter, I have eternity._ I could see the faint moonlight reflecting off her hair and I could not resist the urge to touch it. "I'll wait as long as you want," I confessed against her soft mouth.

I had to touch her hair. If she was angry, I may not get another chance to be close to her like this. I hesitated and then gave in. My fingers touched her hair and the softness and warmth captivated me. Carefully, in an effort to control my urges, I grasped a handful of her warm hair and closed my eyes at the sensation. I wanted more. I wanted her more.

The rustle of her hair created another intoxicating scent cloud. I anticipated the fresh pool of venom and immediately discarded it down the back of my burning throat. I was not thirsty, at least not for her blood. I felt the desire again. It was strong, much like my feelings on that remembered evening in her bedroom. As if she sensed my desire for her, her breath was slightly uneven.

"Maybe in the morning," she stated weakly. She wasn't angry! And, with her response, I felt emboldened to stay right here and touch her again.

"Whatever you prefer," I offered generously. Her anger was justified and I could take it when it came. She breathed shallow again and pressed herself a little closer to my body. I felt the warmth from her emanating again, sending my senses into a frenzy. Close felt good. I shifted a tiny bit so that I could encourage her head to tilt upwards allowing me full access to her soft neck. She complied as I kissed her jaw line.

"Welcome home, I am glad you came back." she practically whispered. _Home._ I let the sound of her voice as she said that word ring around in my head. It only propelled me to want to hold her tighter, show her how truly happy I was to find her here. _Home_. In all of my years, I had never truly considered all of the emotions that were summarized by that powerful four-lettered word. The emotion was strong, but I pressed it back for now. Her heart was speeding up and I loved every beat of it. I knew what she wanted. It felt powerful and invigorating.

"That's a very good thing," I murmured against her neck. The feeling of her jaw moving against the top of my head in an effort to funnel out her increasingly ragged breaths made me smile against her skin. She moved her arms to encircle my neck and wrapped them as tightly as she could manage.

"Mmmm…" she moaned. _No. Don't do that, Bella…_

She was willing me to go further, pushing me to continue to kiss her, touch her, and want her. The sensual sound of her moan rang in my head, bouncing around, solidifying itself in my memory. I felt as if it would stay there for eternity.

Suddenly, I wanted her even more than I had in her bedroom that night. I wanted every inch of her on me, with me, next to me. I fought to repress the urges, but then carefully, I conceded that some small concessions could be made this evening. I would not allow her to push it too far; she grossly overestimated my self-control. And, some of that was my fault. I put on a good show.

Yet, as I kissed her again, my body began to ache for her with an uncomfortable intensity. The same sensations began to creep in slowly, filling me with excitement and leaving me full of want for her. She was so close to me. Should I stop myself? Stop her? What would I say? On what grounds? I was not losing control. I would never let it get that far. I deliberated quickly and made my decision. I would readjust boundaries, but only because I had proven to myself that I could and would stop.

I opened my eyes and immediately averted them from her throbbing neck. I had the venom back in one clean swallow and it burned. I paid no mind to it; nothing would ruin this moment. My attention focused on the first part of her in my line of sight; her delicate, pale arm, which she had wrapped around my neck. It was exquisite. A masterpiece. I longed to touch it and I did.

Carefully, I moved my right arm from her back to grace the side of her left elbow with my fingertips. Her heart stammered and I relished the reaction. I traced the skin down to the place where her arm connected to her body and made my way carefully to her ribs. Her arms locked around my neck even tighter, she was now struggling to steady herself. Desire washed over me again, pushing me further. I wanted her. In response to my desire my groin began to ache uncomfortably. I_ needed_ her. I wanted her warmth. I wanted her on top of me.

Without thinking, I touched her waist with my thumb and deliberately moved my hand to her soft thigh. She was wearing thin cotton pajamas and the heat of her skin permeated through them easily. Her leg was delicate and supple. The power of my hands softened further as I molded my touch to her soft curves. I wanted her closer. In a moment of inspiration, I quickly pulled her leg to my hip and let it rest against me. I couldn't help but look down. The sight of her thigh laying against my hip, pushing our bodies closer together was sensational. I ached more than ever to be with her, but I resisted the compulsion to push into her further. I felt her stop breathing. I could do this. I was still in control and my ability to resist was empowering.

I pulled back slightly, knowing my limits, angling my face away from the vision of her long leg wrapped around my hip to calm myself. Her throat was against my nose again and as her pulse quickened, her neck throbbed wildly. I fought the venom with ferocity. As I readjusted by body slightly, she moved her leg, trying to pull my hips toward hers.

This single action awoke within me primal arousal. Conflict raged and I tried to will it away, but I was unsuccessful.

I suddenly became aware that her movement might have been an attempt to free her foot of the golden sheets, which were now in a heap at her feet. The bed was a mess. Why were they crumpled? I had a feeling they were a casualty of her anger. The golden comforter was probably pulled off angrily, disrupting the carefully made bed, crumpling the sheets and pillows. Why was she not on the bed? I decided to ask her, buying myself some time.

I closed my eyes and whispered against the hollow of her throat. "Not to bring on the ire prematurely, but do you mind telling me what it is about this bed that you object to?"

In response to my question, she exhaled loudly and I lost a careful shred of my control at the sound. It was heavy with strained want. She did not respond, but it made no difference. Her exhale chipped away at my careful composure and without thinking clearly, I rolled to my back and pulled her on top of me, using my hold on her hips to steady her form on my abdomen. She moved easily, adjusting effortlessly against me. Slowly, she leaned to place her head against my chest, her arms rested in between mine. With that movement, I wondered if she could feel my arousal. She tightened as if she could and then relaxed. Did she enjoy the pressure?

Suddenly, I felt ashamed. What was I doing? What did she think of me? I had to know. I carefully pulled her face forward so that I could see her eyes. What I saw was unexpected. Her soft face was relaxed, her eyes were heavily lidded as they met mine with curious intensity. Her mouth was slightly parted, her lips begging to be kissed. The sight of her discomposure only heightened my ache for her body. I could not tear my eyes away from her soft lips, opened elegantly in premature ecstasy.

I ached to kiss her and secretly, I wanted to shower her neck with sensual kisses simply to elicit just one more moan from her lips. I angled her face upwards to try. The anticipation was outrageous. She exhaled abruptly. I closed my eyes against her neck in an attempt to maintain control. I suddenly felt a little light headed as I thought of her face again. _Say something to lessen the tension._

"The bed? I think it's nice…" I offered, smiling against her neck as I kissed it again. My voice was too uneasy in my own ears, but I was confident she wouldn't notice. Her heart stammered again and she fought for breath as she attempted to answer. I kissed her neck again, this time with my tongue slipping between my lips and teasing the nerves on her skin. I could not help myself. I desperately wanted to take her soft skin into my mouth and taste her, but almost as immediately as the thought entered my mind I rebelled against it. She gasped again in response to my tongue causing my groin to ache even more. I wanted to hear her little, pretty sounds. I wanted to hear her moan every syllable of my name in pleasure.

"It's unnecessary," she gasped. _Her voice_. She sounded desperate for me to _satisfy _her. She needed me, wanted me too. _Maintain composure. You can do this. _

"That's certainly debatable; this would have been very difficult on a couch." I chuckled, coolly, aching again for her mouth. Her plump lips were close. I rounded her chin and dared to dart my tongue out slowly, tasting her. She moaned again as the heat of her mouth and sigh dizzied my mind.

I fought the sudden urge to press her firmly against me, to hear her gasp again at the feeling of my arousal placed against her: aching, cold, hard and firm. I desperately wanted to know what she would think when she felt confirmation of her affect on me. I quickly let the vision of her face twisted in passion and pleasure float forward. I was new at this, too, but I knew that there were many things I could do to her to elicit that reaction. Many things that would be safe for her, for us both...the thought sent a shiver down my muscles. How could I possibly show her…

_Stop. Stop. Stop._ What was I thinking?

I clenched my jaw and reminded myself that I was still firmly in control. We were not doing anything that we should not do. If I could control my thoughts, I surely wouldn't have to worry about relinquishing any of this control I fought so hard to maintain. I needed to remove her from this compromising position. I rolled slowly and shifted her warm body beneath me, careful to hover over her with just enough pressure to allow me to hide my arousal. I suddenly felt mortified for even entertaining a thought so outrageous. Embarrassment soon gave way to shame and then disappointment followed. I stifled a sigh.

I stared into her eyes. She was excited and her eyes conveyed her desire for me to do whatever I wanted to her. _Stop. Take a step back and lower the anticipation_._ The desire will calm._

Her heart was out of control. How could one heart beat so quickly, methodically without suffering from premature explosion? The thought made me cringe. I was growing ridiculously thin skinned. I couldn't help but laugh at myself. I silently chuckled and looked again into her eyes. I was in control, still.

I gazed at her, but she looked away and blushed. She reached her face towards mine and settled with her cheek against mine. Her heat radiated. Inwardly, I cringed again at my self-absorption. This was unfair to her. She was not my plaything to simply mold and manipulate. A wave of humiliation washed over me again receding quickly into further disappointment. What had I hoped to gain by this? I was torturing her and I was torturing myself. _Disgusting._ I was leading her to conclusions that were unrealistic and _impossible_…

"Did you change your mind?" She breathed against my face.

Her question was heavy with sexual implication, fraught with desire, and laced with hope. Hope that would never come. _Excellent, Edward._ Suddenly my mind was reeling.

_What was I thinking? Control! Ha! Laughable._

Immediately, in a flood of shame, my thoughts from less than a minute ago came screaming back to me. I had actually hoped she could feel my arousal pressed against her body, truly allowing myself to entertain the thought of making love to her. The vivid images bombarded me as the shock of my undignified behavior sent a wave of revulsion through me.

_Outrageous._

I quickly rolled away from her, sighing as the realization hit me that I could never admit to this depraved behavior. I could never tell her that I had entertained the thought. She would think she was less desirable than she was, but I could not reveal my shameful thoughts to her. I felt sick to my core. I was a coward.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. I was just trying to illustrate the benefits of the bed you don't seem to like. Don't get carried away." I responded in the coolest manner I could summon.

I was a vile monster. I closed my eyes and draped my arm over my face, hoping she wouldn't read my expression and see right through my weakness. She sighed.

"Too late," she admitted. "And, I like the bed." Her tone was flippant.

I carefully raised my arm from my face to get one good peek at her. She was radiant. She looked up at me confidently through her thick lashes, one eyebrow raised. She had enjoyed it. She had enjoyed me. I stifled another sigh of longing. The image of her face exquisitely contorted in slight ecstasy flashed into my mind and sent a shock through my body. The shock was shameful and I tightened my closed eyes again to collect my thoughts.

She had liked the bed. I hoped it would make her feel more comfortable in a home not accustomed to sleeping. As a small gesture, I hoped it would encourage her to find her place here, with me. She said she liked it. Her sincerity was obvious. I did not deserve her. I did not deserve her smile, her eyes, her forgiveness, her patience, her kind understanding. I deserved none of it. But, I was thankful to have it.

"Good, I like it too."

I briefly removed my arm from my eyes to kiss her forehead, which was still overly warm from our feverish interaction. I retreated instantly.

"But, I still think it's unnecessary. If we aren't going to get carried away, what's the point?" she asked.

Did I detect an air of frustration in her tone? Yes, she was frustrated. She was frustrated because she failed to understand the ramifications of such an endeavor! How could I blame her? She did trust me. If it were so dangerous, would I have allowed myself to get so wholly carried away with her?

I shook my head at her from underneath my arm, which thankfully cloaked the longing in my eyes I am sure she could have easily interpreted. I sighed.

"For the hundredth time, Bella…it's too dangerous."

"I like danger!" she insisted. Her eyes were wide as if this was some sort of consolation or reassurance.

Much more than you should….my thoughts this time strayed to Jacob Black and I stopped myself.

"I know," I sourly admitted.

Quickly, without any forewarning, her heart began to speed up and her scent gained momentum. She sat up, pulling herself up by her fragile arms in an attempt to gain some height over me. I froze. I was sure that my leisurely position would only frustrate her resolve, but I could not move. I did not meet her gaze, my arm forming a protective barrier.

"I'll tell you what's dangerous! I'm going to spontaneously combust one of these days and you'll have no one but yourself to blame..." she said pointedly, jutting her chin in frustration. She was unfulfilled and I'd led her along. I winced and felt my muscles tighten in response to the truth in her words. I thought of her heart, beating uncontrollably, striving to continue its task of maintaining her life, while my venom coated mouth longed to steal it. The sound of her staggering heart rang in my ears for a split second. The beat reminded me that, as it was working relentlessly to comfort and sustain her, I had rejoiced in my own ability to manipulate her body to my will.

Again, the image of myself that I'd caught as I leaned over her flashed across my mind. White, glowing, unnatural. I resisted against the corners of my mouth as they tried to form a disgusted expression. I knew it wouldn't escape her attention.

I didn't want to adjust my arm, which was thankfully draped over my eyes, so I reached out my left arm and softly pushed her away from me. It wasn't genuine, though. I wanted her near me, even if it was wrong.

"What are you doing?" she asked, clinging to my arm as I gently pushed her away from me, panic suddenly in her tone.

"Protecting you…from _combustion_…if it's too much for you…" I lied.

"I can handle it." She murmured, wiggling against my weak resistance to settle on my arm. She laid her head against my cool chest.

I lifted my arm slightly and snuck a peek again at the top of her head. Her hair was a glorious mess. I suppressed a chuckle that I knew she would misinterpret. Poor Bella. How could I have done this to her? I owe her an apology. I could not confess, but I would apologize. "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression, I didn't mean to make you unhappy," I explained.

She hesitated at little. Her delay frightened me a little. I moved my arm from my eyes in a motion too quick for her to catch and immediately searched her eyes; they were wide and trusting. Should I tell her? She should know who I am. She deserves to know me for the true monster beneath.

Suddenly, her right eye crinkled at the corner and her mouth turned slightly upwards. She was going to mock me. "Actually," she said with her right brow raised. "It was very, very nice…" she said coyly. She was teasing me.

I looked at her incredulously. The intensity of my gaze pushed into her eyes. She immediately averted her eyes down to the bed and the most delightful blush of pink rushed to the apples of her soft cheeks. I longed to touch them, to comfort her, to caress…

_NO!…You've had your way enough tonight_. I took a deep breath and tried to distract her.

"Aren't you tired? I should let you sleep," I asked, genuinely curious since I was aware that it was only a short while since we had returned from hunting, so the time was no more than two in the morning. She sighed and lay against my arm, rolling away from my probing eyes and my cold chest. Her head hit my arm with a thud that almost concerned me. She seemed not to notice.

She closed her eyes as she spoke slowly. "No, I'm not...and, I don't mind if you want to give me the wrong impression again…"

Her voice was low. She was serious. It was almost…_husky_. I looked down at her face. From this angle, her profile was stunning. She closed her eyes in concentration. I watched her eyes dance across her thin lids as if she were dreaming. What was she thinking? Was she remembering something? Her heart began to speed up and she involuntarily parted her lips again. Not good.

The look of her lips pushed through several surges of thoughts. She was arousing my senses again and I was not sure that this time I could control the desperate need to feel her. Animalistic impulse coursed through me drudging up several unconnected, erotic fantasies that I felt sure I'd never considered until I had seen her face twisted in passion, eyes heavy, lips parted, anxious for satisfaction. _Waiting. Waiting for me._ _Stop it, damnit. The least of her worries is spontaneous combustion. You will kill her…_

_You will kill her._

I sobered, but not fully free from the images inspired by her words. "That's probably a bad idea. You're not the only one who gets carried away," I offered, searching her face.

Her eyes were still closed, but her mouth moved to push up the corners of her cheeks, squinting her eyes. Almost…in disgust. "Yes…I am," she grumbled.

Could she be serious? Did she want me to crumble and destroy our lives? Had she any idea what I was fighting against by not taking her right now, every day, every single minute we were together. Did she truly think I was made of steel? Realization struck me. She genuinely thought I did not desire her as she desired me. Ridiculous…

One day, perhaps, I could explain it to her. A day that was not today, lying on my bed, her hormones forcing her to risk death and dismemberment for the chance to simply be next to me. I had to chuckle at her reckless naivety. I looked at her with genuine feeling, but she did not open her eyes.

"You have no idea, Bella," I countered. "It doesn't help that you are so eager to undermine my self-control, either!"

She looked up at me, chin raised and eyes open. Her mouth was tightened in seriousness. She leaned forward as if to convey herself clearly. Her eyes were as clear as any unguarded thought.

"I'm not going to apologize for that." She said firmly.

* * *

**Just a few canon notes. I didn't want Edward to see the bike in the garage yet. He was focused on getting to Bella and rewarding Alice for her services. Also, no thoughts from Rosalie. It didn't make sense that she would think of her conversation with Bella when Edawrd had just arrived home when Emmett has been away. As for the room, what is mentioned by Bella is not necessarily so from Edward's point of view. She gets so worked up, so I did exercise a few moments of kisses and touches that might have slipped her excited attention. Also, the room was completely dark, but her eyes would have adjusted eventually as the moon shifted. Edward can see in the dark completely, as all know.**


	5. Chapter 20 Compromise Part One

**Eclipse: Edward's Story**

**I do not own Twilight, nor do I own any of Twilight's characters. All characters and themes referenced in Eclipse: Edward's Story belong to Stephenie Meyer. Any quotations from Eclipse are purely for reference and are in no way an attempt at any copyright infringement.**

*****12/19/08*** **

**I am so sorry for the fake out, but somehow, when I was first figuring out how to work FanFiction document manager (ha!), I deleted this chapter and I've been asked for it by reviewers. I will get back to Edward's Eclipse as soon as I am finished with my other story, Black and White. **

* * *

Despite the achingly slow pace of Bella's truck, we were now no more than ten minutes away from my home. And yet, although our travels could have been completed much faster if I were driving, I simply could not seem to feel the slightest bit of impatience.

Still, she _was_ driving too carefully, too slowly, and too cautiously, but it seemed now as if her overly diligent driving techniques were a blessing. With her at the helm, distracted and yet focused on the task of careening her giant, rumbling vehicle down the slick road toward my home, I sat back and quite simply, enjoyed the view. And what a view it was.

Perhaps it was my high mood, or the way her light shirt contrasted against the soft shine of her dark hair, or the sunset, which was creeping low and soft against the skyline, adding to the illumination of her face…but, regardless of the reason…Bella was heartbreakingly lovely. And I couldn't help but wonder how often my impatience had robbed me of these priceless observations.

For instance, I'd never quite noticed that Bella looked so adorably beautiful when she looked both ways more times than necessary while entering an intersection. Even though it was obvious, even to a human, that there were no approaching vehicles. And, it seemed as if anytime she took any turn, regardless of the degree, she would bite her pretty, soft lip slightly and frown her lovely face into a slight scowl as she concentrated. She _was_ beautiful and so…_serious._ Yes, how many times had I missed this?

I wasn't sure. But, I wasn't going to deny myself the opportunity to make up for lost moments. So, I casually leaned back and openly watched her in veiled amusement as she prepared to take another turn. This time, it was a right turn, one that she could not gauge as well from her position. She straightened her back and parted her lips a little as if she was watching the front of her truck to be sure it could clear the angle. Serious, indeed. A low chuckle escaped my lips, but she hadn't heard it.

Her animated expressions were so incredibly endearing. I fought against the urge to distract her simply to see her flustered. Would she chastise me if I slid across the seat to tell her how beautiful she looked, particularly when she squinted her eyes in an effort to be sure she was stopping just behind the yellow line? The idea was tempting.

_No, no._ I could and would…restrain myself. I was patient in this moment, true, but I was also just barely suppressing my thinly disguised delight. Delight, or perhaps even unbridled _joy_. Yes, that was it. This strange emotion…

Indeed it was so all encompassing that I was sure that nothing could dampen my mood. The battle with the newborns would be won quickly, Bella would be safe, tonight we would have our time together, and this evening...she would accept my gift.

Oh yes. The very reminder of my joyful triggers sent a burst of elation through me. I felt as if this feeling was very close to consuming me entirely. This elation or _joy_ as it were, seemed to be brimming at the surface of my composure with absolute desperation; struggling to break free at every turn, at the slightest provocation.

My mind felt muddled by its presence and my body hummed with swollen, pulsating cheer. For the first time, I could truly appreciate the creatively beautiful masterpiece, Ode to Joy. I could learn a thing or two from that miser, Beethoven. Joy was surely as absolutely fulfilling as any other emotion. Elusive and yet satisfying. Yes, strange, indeed.

Of course, I'd felt it before in small increments and in various circumstances, almost exclusively with Bella, but nothing was quite comparable to _this_ joy, which was wholly unique. The brand of joy that was overwhelming my more sensible instincts on this particular evening was connected entirely to possibilities I'd scarcely allowed myself to entertain with any seriousness: the joy of _hope_ and the incredible joy of _loving Bella_. While there was plenty to celebrate, it was undeniably so that the prospect of our evening alone together only magnified this magnificent feeling. Well, that and Alice's vision, which stubbornly refused to disappear.

Not that I was exerting every possible effort to push it away. It was too wonderful.

Apparently, from the moment I'd decided to give Bella her gift, which was a beautiful, heart-shaped diamond I'd inherited from my long deceased mother, Alice had seen the exchange, but she'd kept it from me until…last night.

She'd approached me as I'd been sifting through my CD collection, looking for a distraction of any kind. Absorbed, I had barely heard her approach at first, but then, rather quickly, she had thrown the vision at me before bouncing away in an uproar of giggles.

Slightly amused and partially curious, I had humored her and began to sort through the vision. And there it was...

Bella was smiling and holding my mother's diamond heart against her wrist. The gem was glistening in the low light of my room, and it was obvious that she'd not only accepted the gift, but appeared minimally happy about it. It was charming, sure, but my plans had been set already and I had no inclination that Bella would reject my gift. It was not arrogance, but justifiable assertion that encouraged my confidence, because, I'd already felt as if I had her quite cornered.

The gift from the wolf had been accepted, and even _cherished_, therefore how could she logically deny me? Of course, I wouldn't disclose the value of the diamond. She would surely refuse if she knew that, besides Bella, that diamond was my most valuable possession. _No_. Those details would best be divulged at a later date, when she was more practiced at receiving gifts.

So, I'd cast the vision off as another one of Alice's overzealous displays until I had heard her thoughts…_Watch it again, Edward…_

I did. As I carefully catalogued the details of the image once more, I'd noticed then what she had been so delighted to show me. I focused on myself for once. I was next to Bella on my bed. She was examining the gift and my expression was…absolutely ridiculous. I, apparently, was delighted beyond measure and this completely outrageous smile completely lit up my face. It seemed as if my ecstatic expression would have been accompanied by my own blush, if that were possible.

I had looked jubilantly crazed.

I'd thanked Alice then for the vision, and of course, she'd responded that she'd known I'd need it. Of course, she did.

And now, as I sat back in Bella's truck, I could only feel encouraged by her vision. Because that delight I'd seen on my face - that same, rare brand of thrilling excitement - was definitely present. Alive and well. Right now. And threatening with each moment to transform me into a complete fool.

Yes, tonight held a lot of promise.

At the very reminder of the whole affair, I felt as if my silent heart was threatening resurrection. If it could beat, it would surely rival Bella's erratic pulse. My nerves were flittering in anticipation. Could I possibly be _more_ consumed by this overwhelming sense of joy? No, surely that was not possible.

Then, without my acquiescence, I realized that the smile had returned without my conscious realization. I looked at Bella, but she was still driving so carefully. She'd noticed nothing. So, I let it fill my face, momentarily helpless to remove it. A glutton for my new sense of gladness, I just continued to think of the vision. The small smile on her face, her wide eyes, her flawless skin...she seemed to glow from the image as she appreciated the gem. The prospect of my future triumph was breathtakingly satisfying. And I a little grinned wider.

This wasn't helping…

I had to remove this smile. Most definitely, if she saw it, I would probably scare her, or worse - she would probably become justifiably suspicious. I leaned back a little further and propped my elbow against the window. Quickly, I covered my mouth casually with the back of my hand and turned to gaze aimlessly out the window. I concentrated…hard, willing it to subside. Carefully, I straightened my mouth. It wasn't gone entirely, but I settled for a smirk. That would do for now.

_Why was that so difficult_, I wondered.

Surely anger and frustration were more intense emotions than this glee? I had successfully conquered both repeatedly by sheer will and discipline. And yet, I had less dominion over this ridiculous, exuberant, outrageous joy! It was an interesting consideration. One that I would have to explore fully later. Perhaps my anger was a more practiced emotion in comparison?

It was possible, but focusing on such considerations seemed to taint my cheer. I resigned myself to exploring that concept later and focused, instead, on Bella. I shot her a sideways glance and she met my eyes in a slight smile. She had been lost in her own thoughts, as well. And for once, she'd noticed nothing yet again. She screwed her eyes back to the road, resuming her careful driving.

I felt a little excitable as she entered the narrow passage toward my home. It definitely wouldn't be long now. It occurred to me that I had very little strategy in place. Should I wait until we settled in for the night before I gave it to her? Or, perhaps I could make her dinner and give it to her then? I searched the vision again, looking for clues. Bella was fully dressed, as was I, and we were on my bed, so perhaps that was the best place to start? Yes, that would be best.

My nerves began to dance as we rounded the long path. I fought the urge to snatch her from the truck and just run to the house. I giggled to myself childishly, immediately awed by this new sense of glee. This whole joy sensation really _was_ irrational if nothing else.

Too slowly, we entered the drive and Bella parked carefully. I watched her cut the engine and could no longer bare the anticipation. In less than a half of a second, I was at her door, she was in my arms, kissing me so sweetly…and we were entering my doorway.

She was so soft and sweet. I took the final step into the entryway and stopped, but I didn't part from her soft lips. Exhilarated, I continued to kiss her deeply, happily. Her heart was beating wildly and her scent, so full and delicious swam around her, creating an intoxicating aura around her. She began to kiss back a little forcefully and, despite my desperate desire to reciprocate, I pulled away and set her down carefully. I was nearly bursting with anticipation.

As I held her, I took in her expression. She was so flushed and beautiful. Her long hair was a little flustered from my sprint. And it was so nice to have her here, with me, alone, for once.

"Welcome home," I said, smiling at the blustery expression on her face. She'd still not recovered from our kiss.

"That sounds nice," she added as she blushed a little. She ran her hand through her long hair, straightening it and another wave of her scent hit me. One part of my mind victoriously noted the faint trickle of venom that was easily conquered. I cast the very acknowledgement of my nature from my mind. There were far greater things at work here. I set her gently on her feet and immediately missed her. Apparently Bella felt the same way. Quicker than I expected, she wrapped her little arms around me and pulled herself close. My deepest affection ignited, finding its place in my hands. I held her close to me and hugged her back gently.

Shamelessly, I buried my nose in her hair, relishing the feel of her warmth and the decadence of her scent.

The quiet moment was so peaceful. But, my own internal war began to rage. Despite my enthusiasm, I knew she would be averse to accepting anything from me. Tact would be essential. But, how long should I wait before giving her the gift? Should I make her comfortable first? I saw the vision again and automatically felt the return of my grin. No, I couldn't wait long.

I couldn't wait...at all.

Before I even had the opportunity to exercise any restraint, my words flew from me, "I have something for you." I blurted.

She looked up at me with polite suspicion, "Oh?"

I smirked back, albeit with complete restraint. "Your hand-me-down, remember? You said that was allowable." Her eyes narrowed as she realized I'd caught her in her own agreement.

"Oh, that's right. I guess I did say that," She bit her lip and frowned. I chuckled at her. Of course she would accept my gift, but not without reluctance. And then, in fit of energy, I felt that uncontainable excitement return. I wanted to whisk her to my room and hand it to her before she could change her mind. It would be best to let her become comfortable first, and then spring it on her.

"It's in my room. Shall I go get it?" I asked.

Her eyes brightened strangely. "Sure." She said, taking my hands into hers, "Let's go."

Overjoyed, I scooped her up in one motion and headed for the stairs. She giggled a little at my haste. I was running before I knew it; my elation was apparent in my overzealous steps. I skidded to a stop at my door and set Bella down. Beaming, I exhaled a whoosh of air. She tilted her head in surprise.

And I didn't want to waste one moment; darting for my closet, I grabbed the little jewel only to return to her side before a full second had passed. That damn grin was really making a show, apparently. She smiled back at me and blushed while moving slowly towards my bed. I stood by the door, perplexed. Where was she going? In a few little steps, she'd hopped on the bed with her adorable little legs curled hugged to her chest. She was bracing herself.

"Okay," She grumbled with an indifferent expression. "Let me have it."

_Ha!_ I barked a laugh at her. She could be just as melodramatic as Alice. In two bounds, I was at her side on the bed, her little heart skipped unevenly and I took a steadying breath. The vision that was my companion came to life before my eyes.

"A hand-me-down," I reminded her. In a flick of my hand, I pulled her wrist towards me and gently clipped the charm to her bracelet. It snapped smoothly into place, opposite the charm the dog had given her. The tinkle of the bracelet filled my ears as the weight of my token of affection slid the bracelet downward, bringing the wolf charm to the top of her wrist. The symbolism did not elude me. I stared at that inanimate object with a smug satisfaction. His intention to mark her had been clear, but I could play that game just as well.

I shook my head to clear that negativity as Bella's hand slowly reached for the diamond. She examined it and her eyes grew wide as she assessed the colorful cuts and facets. It was so beautiful on her dainty, small wrist. I braced for her reaction, hoping desperately that she would not ask the cost or the value. She inhaled a low gasp and I seized my opportunity.

"It was my mother's," I shrugged nonchalantly. "I inherited quite a few baubles like this. I've given some to Esme and Alice both. So, clearly, this is not a big deal in any way."

She looked up at me with the smile I'd seen a hundred times. She liked it, so I continued. Relishing in the moment. "But I thought it was a good representation. It's hard and cold." I laughed a little shakily. "And it throws rainbows in the sunlight."

She smiled sheepishly and looked up at me with a sweet expression, "You forgot the most important similarity. It's beautiful."

"My heart is just as silent. And it, too, is yours." I cooed.

Her eyes fluttered in acknowledgement, processing my words. I watched her intently, calculating her reaction. She seemed…touched. And, naturally, this only increased my soaring cheer.

"Thank you. For both," She muttered.

Yes, she liked it. The joy was bubbling under the surface, soaring with her acceptance, but I still didn't want to frighten her with my enthusiasm.

Composed, I continued. "No, thank you. It's a relief to have you accept a gift so easily. Good practice for you, too." I let my simper break a little as my imagination ran wild with the prospects of all of the wonderful things I could give her. I would start with reliable transportation, surely. I quickly became absorbed in the dozens of possibilities when she moved towards me, sufficiently distracting me from my musing. Musings which were sure to become fantastic obsessions.

Slowly, her little warm body moved into my arm. A colorful cloud of her scent preceded her, but the inconsequential venom met its match in my glee. As soon as she crawled against me, her face hidden from mine, I let the suppressed smile spread out just a little further.

Closing my eyes, I imagined what it would be like to give her the beautiful necklace my mother had left behind. It would look fantastic against the cream of her skin. She could wear it for a special occasion of some sort, but one that would not be too presumptuous…nor too formal…perhaps for her Christmas? Or, even her birthday?

"Can we discuss something?" She murmured into my chest, breaking me from my revelry. The effect of her warm breath against my chest sent another wave of affection through me. I calmed and snuggled her shoulder closer. "I'd appreciate it if you could begin by being open-minded..." she continued.

She snuggled in once more and then stopped. Open minded? Alertly, I looked down to her, assessing her behavior. What a strange, uncharacteristic request. The fog of my happiness cleared a little as I watched her. I felt a little uncertain as I considered that she might want to give it back.

"I'll give it my best effort." I ventured. What did she want? If she wanted to give it back, I would take the return, but I would do my best to persuade her. I acknowledged that shamelessly.

"I'm not breaking any rules here," She promised. "This is strictly about you and me. So … I was impressed by how well we were able to compromise the other night. I was thinking I would like to apply the same principle to a different situation."

Bella wanted to compromise? Hm. The possibilities seemed quite entertaining. My infectious joy still permeated my thoughts. My mood was far too high to deny her. But, what did she want?

"What would you like to negotiate?" I inquired casually, doing my best to veil my curiosity, which would surely discourage her. And then, her little heart sped up, and I leaned back to assess her. I couldn't see her face. It was entirely hidden. What was wrong with her? A hot flush permeated her cheeks. I could feel it against my skin, through my shirt.

I placed my hand against the other side of her face, feeling the hot skin. "Listen to your heart fly." I murmured. "It's fluttering like a hummingbird's wings. Are you all right?"

"I'm great," she replied shakily, bringing her face upwards. Her face was so red, and her eyes were wide, but determined. I reeled a little at this new expression, but I firmed my resolve.

"Please go on then." What could she want that would cause such a reaction? Well, truly, anything. I tried to think clearly as a little taint of familiar fear and suspicion darkened my mood slightly – would she dare to ask me to allow her to be in the clearing? _No_. She was more sensible than that…

"Well, I guess, first, I wanted to talk to you about that whole ridiculous marriage condition thing." Ah, marriage. That dirty, terrible, timeless, ancient institution. Comforted with the knowledge that Alice had confirmed Bella's dormant intentions to marry me, I proceeded. And I was a little relieved. If this was about marriage, I could handle it. But...a part of me still had the suspicion that this would concern her change. I would not bend on that condition, so I decided to allow her to proceed.

"It's only ridiculous to you," I clarified, eyeing her expression, which revealed nothing. "What about it?"

"I was wondering …" She began, breaking for a second. "Is that open to negotiation?" Her brow rose into a hopeful expression.

I knew it. I frowned in disapproval. Surely she was going to ask me to bend. And, there was no amount of persuasion that would accomplish such a goal. However, I did not want to ruin our pleasant mood. So, I proceeded on my best behavior. "I've already made the largest concession by far and away – I've agreed to take your life away against my better judgment. And that ought to entitle me to a few compromises on your part."

"No," she disagreed, shaking her head. "That part's a done deal. We're not discussing my … renovations right now. I want to hammer out some other details."

Hm. Where was she headed with this? I couldn't help but speculate with my eyes, "Which details do you mean exactly?"

She hesitated for a moment, sighed and straightened the set of her mouth, "Let's clarify your prerequisites first."

"You know what I want." I said absolutely.

"_Matrimony_," She mocked. Her little head tilted as she spoke. It was quite charming. This was going to be quite interesting, for sure, especially since she had no idea that I had every intention of formally proposing soon, as soon as this whole ordeal was over, in fact.

"Yes," I smiled back, feeling a little bit of my previous glee return with restraint, "To start with…"

"There's more?" She cried, her little mouth forming a shocked expression. I suddenly felt a little guilty. I was going to make the most of this…"Well. If you're my wife, then what's mine is yours … like tuition money. So there would be no problem with Dartmouth."

She frowned and cringed. "Anything else? While you're being absurd?"

Yes. Now was the time for my list. "I wouldn't mind some time."

Her heart sped and she shook her head. "No. No time. That's a deal breaker right there."

"Just a year or two?" I begged dramatically. She narrowed her eyes.

"Move along to the next one."

Ha! What would she say if I recited my list? I straightened my mouth. She was a little miffed, already. It would do no good to exasperate her sensitive condition. It seemed, based on her careful scowl, that this negotiation wasn't quite going as she'd planned. Although, I still wasn't sure what her original request had been.

"That's it. Unless you'd like to talk cars …" My words trailed off, but I smirked at her incorrigible cringe.

The vision of her driving my Vanquish with such careful consideration filled my imagination. I was helpless against the charm of that idea. She would surely be overwhelmed by the sheer force of the power that automobile offered. I would have to customize the steering wheel for her, something small and more manageable…I took her hand in mine, humoring myself with tracing her fingers.

She huffed a little, but said nothing.

But, that's not what she wanted. What did she want? The curiosity began to surge. Could she possibly want me to change her now?

"I didn't realize there was anything else you wanted besides being transformed into a monster yourself. I'm extremely curious." I admitted, hoping she would divulge what it was the she wanted. I waited for her to respond, but as I came out of my own internal questions, I noticed the steady tempo of her heart picking up its pace again. Her eyes caught mine for a second before she steadfastly refused to meet my gaze again. I angled my head at her again, completely confused. She was blinking furiously and her warm cheeks were gradually turning a little more pink with the passing of each second. The blood pooled and I reached out to touch the heat. As I ran my fingers along her cheeks, but she did not look up.

"You're blushing?" I whispered in curiosity. What was happening to her? Abruptly, I felt a little panicked. Would this request be something that I could not give her, something she would be frightened to ask me? Her expression was almost…_scared_. A hundred possibilities began to throw themselves into my line of thought. Did this concern the newborns? Jacob, even?

And she still was silent. I had to know. Desperation began to sink in as I realized that whatever she was going to request was something she was entirely uncomfortable with.

"Please, Bella, the suspense is painful." I pleaded, gracing her cheek again, feeling the heat intensify again. A feat I had been sure was impossible.

She bit her lip in hesitation and cast her reluctant eyes to mine.

"Bella." I chided.

"Well, I'm a little worried … about after," she finally said.

I stiffened. Was she finally going to see? A strange mixture of uncertainty, fear, and…relief hit me at once. Would she finally see now the risks involved? For someone so fearless, had she finally come to her senses? Would I be able to soothe her concerns? Would she worry about my ability to care for her? The pain? I had to know. I braced myself for her response.

"What has you worried?" I asked quietly.

"All of you just seem so convinced that the only thing I'm going to be interested in, afterward, is slaughtering everyone in town." I winced and she stopped, frowning with me. The memory of Emmett and Jasper's bet regarding Bella's temper taunted me. I composed my face, however. She steadied herself and cautiously continued, "And I'm afraid I'll be so preoccupied with the mayhem that I won't be me anymore … and that I won't … I won't want you the same way I do now."

Oh, Bella. It clicked then that she understood enough of newborn nature to grasp that she_ would_be consumed by her quest for blood, but she obviously didn't understand vampiric nature. Once she was changed, our connection would be unchangeable. We would still want one another the way we did now, and even more so. We weren't changeable like humans. Should I explain to that her now?

I hesitated and erred on the side of caution, speaking softly. Perhaps she just needed reassurance, "Bella, that part doesn't last forever."

Her eyes grew wide at my consolation.

"Edward," Her voice shook strangely, with restrained emotion. My silent heart throbbed for her. Was this it? _Was_ she finally going to see now that her pursuit of immortality was reckless? She took a deep breath and I braced myself again for the words that would surely, finally, express her valid fears, "There's something I want to do before I'm not human anymore."

I blinked unnecessarily as I processed her words. What? What could she want? She was blushing furiously still. What could she possibly want that would be so difficult of a request? Surely this was all blown out of proportion. She really was so vulnerable and delicate. I smirked at her softly and then composed my face once again. She'd never asked for anything before, even things she needed, and this was probably difficult for her.

"Whatever you want." I encouraged, nearly pleading with her to tell me.

She met my eyes quickly and then looked down at her hands as she moved them to her lap. I pressed my eyes on her, searching. I couldn't fight the intrigue. My mind raced, calculating a dozen possibilities. _Patience, Edward…_

"Do you promise?" she muttered.

"Yes." I promised, still waiting. What was she thinking? The suspense was excruciating!

She looked up at me with her wide, hesitant eyes. I had the desire to reach out and cup her face. I would give her anything she wanted. Surely she knew that. Her heart began to speed up and my confusion grew.

"Tell me what you want, and you can have it." I encouraged with sincerity.

And then, I considered something else entirely. Excitement coursed through me and my mind raced with possibilities. Perhaps she would allow me to give her something that she did want, but was just unable to articulate. Was it Dartmouth that she would finally agree to? Perhaps if I guessed? There as a very long list of things I wanted to give her. But, what would she _want_? I _would_ start with a car first, and then, Dartmouth second. My mind began to calculate a list. But before I could speak, she looked up at me for a second and then withdrew her eyes from mine again.

Suddenly, she breathed. "You."

I was confused. How could I possibly not be hers? She possessed me in every possible way. Silly girl. Could she doubt that?

"I'm yours." I told her earnestly, touching her cheek again, trying to bring her eyes back to mine. It would do no good, but I would at least be able to attempt to read her eyes. I pulled her face slightly to mine and met her nervous eyes. As soon as our gaze met, she widened her eyes and looked away once more. What was happening to her? Her heart began to fly. I tilted my head, imploring her eyes to meet mine, but she refused to look at me.

Suddenly, strangely, she snapped her gaze back to mine as she shifted onto her knees. I leaned back from her, confused. A very different expression crossed her eyes, one I'd surely not seen before. Was it her personal brand of fear? I searched her face, but she only blushed further. She leaned into me wrapping her arms around my neck and pressed her full lips to mine.

Her heart stuttered quickly, but it was very difficult to concentrate. She was so warm and her scent was so full and fragrant. I kissed her back, partially confused but definitely willing. She angled her face to mine again and kissed me a little harder. Helpless to refuse her, I wrapped my arms around her face, reveling in the soft texture of her skin. _Beautiful…_

Her kissing became more enthusiastic and I felt a little lightheaded. **Her kissing became more enthusiastic causing my curiosity regarding her request to rage. **My body began to respond to her warmth and I had the fleeting, irrational desire to wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer, but I resisted. I just wanted to feel her next to me, but that surely wouldn't be helpful. As if she read my mind, slowly, her small little hands moved from the back of my neck towards my shirt. A tingling trail of heat sent a wave of desire through me; the heat resounded around my neck and through my shoulders. But...what was she doing?

Shakily, her small fingers began to unbutton my shirt…

_No._ It hit me then in blinding clarity. Our words _…"Yes. Tell me what you want, and you can have it."…… "You."…_

Distress pervaded. She wanted _me_? In that way right now? We pushed our limits, but she couldn't be serious. While she was…_human_? Impossible. Anxiety flooded me and I panicked. Torturously, the image of Bella's pale, broken body lying limp and destroyed in my arms flashed forward and I froze in horror. Surely not…surely she would not ask me to take such a risk…

In disgust with myself, I broke away from her and gently pushed her shoulders back. She rocked onto her heels and shirked away from me, staring at me in disbelief. Under any other circumstances, I would comfort her, but I could not shake the realization that she'd been serious. Of all the things. This was so…so…unreasonable.

Yes, that is exactly what it was. Was she trying to torture me? I had to stay calm. She was only human, after all.

I began to rebutton my shirt immediately. "Be reasonable, Bella." I frowned at her in consternation. Did she not understand fully how terrible it felt to not be able to be with her in that way? To bring this up in such a manner…

Her deep sigh broke me from my anguish and I watched her with minimally veiled frustration as she straightened her head, ready to challenge me.

"You promised – whatever I wanted," she said.

I gave her the sternest expression I could conjure. How could she _possibly_…"We are _not_ having this discussion." I tried to look at her eyes, willing her to understand, but, I couldn't seem to focus on anything other than that image…if only I could _show_ her what I could do to her…to make her understand. But, she didn't understand. And I had no way to show her what could, or surely would, possibly happen.

She shifted again, and tilted her head into the air as if to demand otherwise.

"I say we are," she growled. Under any other circumstances, her attempt at anger would have been adorable. And then, she leaned back from my glare as her heart sped and her cheeks gained color once more. She drew her hands to her shirt and popped the top button open. _Oh_…my imagination liked that a little too much, I saw myself kissing her, tangling one hand in her hair while my other hand worked to help her with the rest of her buttons as I prepared to take her as mine...

But this was simply not negotiable. I growled again, at both myself and her provocation. She was dangerous. In a full second, I had her wrists pinned to her sides. I avoided the expanse of skin that she'd exposed and focused on her eyes.

"I say we're not," I growled back, leaning forward towards her with _my_ personal brand of intensity.

She glared at me and then softened her eyes.

"You wanted to know," she admitted reluctantly.

"I thought it would be something faintly realistic." Something faintly _possible! _She didn't like that. Her heart began to hammer and she squirmed forward towards me again, leaning in. Her scent was heightened by her anger and it floated towards me, sending a trickle of venom in my mouth. I swallowed it, but the irony did not escape me, either.

"So you can ask for any stupid, ridiculous thing you want – like getting _married _– but I'm not allowed to even discuss what I – " In a swift, frustrated move, I restrained her hands in one of mine and covered her mouth. She was angry. Surely she would say something she did not mean. She scowled and I leaned in to her, speaking softly.

"No." I whispered, pleading with her to stop with my hardened expression. Her face fell from its angered strength, but I didn't move my hand. She sighed heavily through her nose and let her shoulders fall. I watched her curiously, but selfishly kept my hand in place. I wasn't sure I could handle any further acknowledgements of my inability to make her happy.

But, she didn't even attempt to speak again. She drew her eyes to the bed and her heart slowed. What was she thinking? And there was something familiar about her posture, something I couldn't place…

Oh…

Abruptly, I made the connection. As Bella's eyes sunk to the bed, I recognized her demeanor from my memory. The first day I'd seen her in the Forks cafeteria, her posture had been the same. Reluctant, nervous and shy. Why was she feeling this now? To my mortification, Bella's eyes began to tear. She was hurt? _No_…sadness washed over me. Our perfect night, our wonderful plans, everything was surely soured now. What had I done? Moving my hand to her chin, I forced her eyes to meet mine.

"What now?" I pleaded.

"Nothing," She breathed. Had I really hurt her by protecting her? Did she really not understand? Remorsefully, I chastised myself. It wasn't her fault that I was a monster, incapable of conveying my love for her physically. I shouldn't have been so harsh with her.

"Did I hurt your feelings?" I asked, unable to mask my sadness.

"No." She whispered as I pulled her into my arms, holding her as close as possible while being as gentle as necessary.

"You know why I have to say 'no'. You know that I want you, too." I said, agonized, wishing I could fulfill this mutual need, but know it wasn't possible.

She avoided my gaze and whispered hesitantly, "Do you?"

Was she serious? Did she truly think that I did not want her? She glanced at me reluctantly and I caught the hesitation and uncertainty in her eyes. Just like that first day of school…_Oh, Bella._ Would she ever see?

"Of course I do, you silly, beautiful, oversensitive girl." I chuckled. "Doesn't everyone? I feel like there's a line behind me, jockeying for position, waiting for me to make a big enough mistake…you're too desirable for your own good."

"Who's being silly now?" She mocked scornfully. She still wouldn't look at me.

"Do I have to send a petition around to get you to believe? Shall I tell you whose names would be on the top of the list? You know a few of them, but some might surprise you." She looked at me disbelievingly and I fought the urge to tick off the list with my fingers.

"You're just trying to distract me. Let's get back to the subject." She replied in disbelief, recovering slightly from her bashful display.

"Tell me if I have anything wrong," She began carefully. She began to tick off her own list with her tiny hand. "Your demands are _marriage_, paying my tuition, more time, and you wouldn't mind if my vehicle went a little faster..." she tilted her head and raised her brows, provoking me to disagree. "Did I get everything? That's a hefty list."

"Only the first is a demand. The others are merely requests," I conceded carefully fighting back a grin. It _was_ a hefty list. One that I fully intended to complete…in due time.

"And my lone, solitary little demand is – "

"Demand?" I spat. This cannot go on.

"Yes, demand," She confirmed seriously with her eyes straight and serious. "Getting married is a stretch for me. I'm not giving in unless I get something in return."

The image that taunted me returned. No, it wasn't possible. How to explain? I did not want to go into detail, but yet this would become even more of an issue eventually if I did not clarify the dangerous situation we would both be placing ourselves in. One part of me wished to detail the potential repercussions so that she would understand how absolutely irresponsible such an adventure would surely be – despite our wants and needs. It was_ enough_ to steal her soul. I could not risk her life because she was suffering from overactive hormones, which would not even be an issue in a year's time…if she succeeded in getting her wish to be changed. And yet…the other part of me restrained from detailing that long list of fears because of my own selfishness. It was if, as far as we'd come, I truly did not want to say anything, or do anything that might force her to question her love for me. I was a coward.

So, I sadly explained as best I could, "No. It's not possible now. Later, when you're less _breakable_. Be patient, Bella."

"But that's the problem," She said, completely unaffected. "It won't be the same when I'm less breakable. I won't be the same! I don't know who I'll be then." She cried. Her expression was tortured.

"You'll still be Bella," I said gently, feeling saddened again by her truthful acknowledgement. If only I could read her thoughts! Was _this_ her fear all along? Was there something more?

"If I'm so far gone that I'd want to kill Charlie – that I'd drink Jacob's blood or Angela's if I got the chance – how can that be true?"

For some reason, despite her chagrin, I could not help but think of another of Alice's images. It was Bella as a newborn. She was laughing with Emmett, somehow breaking a rock in between her fists. He was _not_ happy. He'd been beaten by a girl. Bella would surely be changed at some point, in some way, and she would still be _Bella_.

I tried not to smirk as I secretly found humor in the image of Emmett's frustrated face. "It will pass. And I doubt you'll want to drink the dog's blood." I shuddered in exaggeration, desperately hoping to lighten her mood. "Even as a newborn, you'll have better taste than that."

"But that will always be what I want most, won't it?" She focused in on my nonchalant expression, seeing right through my attempts to lighten the mood. "Blood, blood, and more blood!"

I grimaced at her truthful acknowledgement and then utilized the only defense I had, "The fact that you are still alive is proof that that is not true."

"Over eighty years later," She whined, "What I meant was physically, though. Intellectually, I know I'll be able to be myself … after a while. But just purely physically – I will always be thirsty, more than anything else."

My retorts faded as I imagined her blood red eyes. My own change was hazy, but I knew it was true. My face fell in resignation.

Pouncing on my hesitance, she continued, "So I will be different. Because right now, physically, there's nothing I want more than you. More than food or water or oxygen. Intellectually, I have my priorities in a slightly more sensible order. But physically …"

She grasped my hand and held it to her warm mouth. I shuddered slightly as she pressed her soft lips to my cold skin, awakening the nerves through the length of my arm. She closed her eyes in an intimate expression that was delicately profound. She tightened her eyes and strengthened the grasp on my hand. I shook my head at her, willing my needs, my urges as a man to recede. She was awakening them and that was the last thing I needed. I took a deep breath, steadying myself, and desperately clinging to my resolve as her lips moved against my skin again. She exhaled against my skin and her scent and the feel of her softness sent a rage of desire through me.

In response to my need, my imagination conjured the image of broken Bella, again. So frail and lifeless. I wanted her so badly, but I could not give in to this…to her need. Selfishly, I pushed my hand slightly into her mouth, trying to convince myself to be satisfied with that intimacy. I leaned into her, whispering with intention. "Bella, I could kill you."

As if she'd never heard my words, she kissed my hand again, this time with her mouth slightly opened. The warmth of the inside of her mouth sent a wave of desperate desire through me. Why was she _doing this_ to me?

Looking at me through soft, sensual eyes, she continued to kiss my hand slowly. "I don't think you could," She murmured against my skin.

I scoffed at that and stared at her momentarily in disbelief. Perhaps she _did not_ understand. _"I don't think you could…"_ Her ridiculous, naivety rang around repeatedly, triggering my frustrations with each reverberation.

_Oh no?_ Well, I could surely dispel that notion…_easily_…


	6. Chapter 20 Compromise Part Two

**Eclipse: Edward's Story**

**I do not own Twilight, nor do I own any of Twilight's characters. All characters and themes referenced in Eclipse: Edward's Story belong to Stephenie Meyer. Any quotations from Eclipse are purely for reference and are in no way an attempt at any copyright infringement.**

*****12/19/08*** **

**I am so sorry for the fake out, but somehow, when I was first figuring out how to work FanFiction document manager (ha!), I deleted this chapter and I've been asked for it by reviewers. I will get back to Edward's Eclipse as soon as I am finished with my other story, Black and White. **

* * *

_Continued from Compromise - Part One_

_As if she'd never heard my words, she kissed my hand again, this time with her mouth slightly opened. The warmth of the inside of her mouth sent a wave of desperate desire through me. Why was she doing this to me?_

_The set of my mouth straightened automatically. She gazed at me with wild eyes as I flagrantly narrowed my own. Before she could register the movement of my hand, I snatched one iron rose from the bedpost and held it before her. Her human eyes adjusted slowly. After her momentary confusion passed, I crushed the flower into fine iron granules with a snap of my hand. It was unfortunate that I had to be so theatrical, but apparently outlandish demonstrations were necessary. She was watching intently. With a quick break of my wrist, I flicked the sand across the room dramatically._

_Looking at me through soft, sensual eyes, she continued to kiss my hand slowly. "I don't think you could," she murmured against my skin._

_I scoffed at that and stared at her momentarily in disbelief. Perhaps she did not understand. "I don't think you could…" Her ridiculous, naivety rang around repeatedly, triggering my frustrations with each reverberation._

_Oh no? Well, I could surely dispel that notion…easily…_

* * *

I stared at her with purpose for another second, hoping she understood.

Bella gazed back in silence, but I could her heart gaining speed. Her face was sullen at first, undoubtedly processing my actions. The blood underneath her thin skin began to rush to her face. I realized then that she was getting angry. It took me just a quick second of additional observation to understand that her expression was somehow indifferent to my theatrics.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "That's not what I meant. I already know how strong you are. You didn't have to break the furniture."

I looked back at her in frustration. "What did you mean then?" I replied in my lowest voice, wishing she would explain some rational aspect of her troubling demand. How could she understand and not understand simultaneously? She continued to stare me down. Her cheeks were so bright. I wanted to touch them.

"Obviously not that you aren't physically able to hurt me, if you wanted to…more that, you don't want to hurt me…so much so that I don't think that you ever could." She stated simply.

I stared at her exasperated. How could she possibly come to that conclusion? Did she truly trust my control so implicitly? There were too many things that could go wrong. Things that would scare her. I was momentarily torn between my desire to cure her naivety completely somehow, and my compulsion to preserve her innocence.

I sighed with impatience. "It might not work like that, Bella." It wouldn't work at all, actually.

"Might!" she snapped in frustration. "You have no more idea what you're talking about than I do."

"Exactly. Do you imagine I would ever take that kind of risk with you?" Incredulous, I bore my eyes into hers with intention, trying to see her mind working. The image of her broken body flashed forward with all of its gore and promise. She didn't answer for a long moment as we watched each other think. I had the slightest opportunity to entertain the idea that I'd somehow convinced her, when Bella's face began to change.

I saw every minute adjustment of her expression, but could do nothing to resist her. The ability to concentrate eluded me completely the moment she finally switched her eyes. It was a formidable expression of genuine longing. My breath caught.

"Please," She whispered desperately."It's all I want. Please."

…"_please"…_

Emotion and lust surged in me as she held me defenseless, dazzled under her gaze. A thousand desires bombarded me at once as I watched her. It seemed as if every passionate thought I'd had for her invaded my mind. I could see them all so clearly. Visions of deep kisses and delicate explorations of her beautiful femininity tortured me. Rendered completely motionless, I simply could not break from the force of her relentless eyes. Now - it was Bella playing role of the beautiful predator.

"Please?" She breathed softly again. Her scent whirled around me, confusing my already incapable mind. My breathing sped up as the flavor of her began to tickle the back of my tongue.

"It's all I want. Please?"

Why was she doing this to me? It was all I could to search her eyes in question. Her pleas were painful. The sadness and the anguish of not being able to simply say _'yes' _sent waves of despair through me. She sensed my indecision and closed her eyes in silent prayer. Released from her hold, I could think clearly for a few seconds. _You cannot give in to her,_ I told myself. I could kill her. I nodded my head, solidifying that conviction.

And then, the thudding of her heart grew stronger and quicker. Bella flashed her eyes open once more and I lost the hold on every determined promise I'd just sworn. Her beautiful eyes were so deeply desperate.

"Please?" she begged painfully. "You don't have to make me any guarantees. If it doesn't work out right, well, then that's that. Just let us try…only _try_. And I'll give you what you want."

Her words succeeded in breaking me from my chaotic emotions. What did she mean? Before I could ask - her violent heart grew more frantic. Words of emotion left her mouth in a flurry.

"I'll marry you. I'll let you pay for Dartmouth, and I won't complain about the bribe to get me in. You can even buy me a fast car if that makes you happy! Just…_please_."

_Bella._ My mind buzzed with the prospects of hopeful possibilities. I saw my wildest dreams manifest quite vividly: Alice's vision of Bella and the wedding roses; Bella in New Hampshire bundled and warm in the snow; Bella in my Vanquish, safe and secure; Bella as _mine_, husband and wife.

I searched her eyes and wished sadly that I could hear her working mind. Her emotional gaze was so pleading and trusting. Her heart began to scramble in anticipation of my response. The sound of her life relentlessly filled my ears as I looked into her tortured gaze. Spurred on by her lovely eyes, a small, irrational part of my mind began to chip away at my resolve. I wanted her so very badly in every possible way._ 'I'll marry you'…_

Her voice echoed, swelling my silent heart again. So much hope surged through me as I replayed her words in small seconds of time. She was willing to give me everything. Why was she asking for this? The one thing I could not give her.

I pulled her close to me, explaining what I could in an emotional whisper. "This is unbearable. So many things I've wanted to give you – and this is what you decide to demand. Do you have any idea how painful it is, trying to refuse you when you plead with me this way?"

"Then don't refuse…" She begged in a breath that lit my nerves on fire.

I closed my eyes at her words. She was untying my resolve with mere implication. She was begging me to love her. I could see my passionate thoughts begin to assault my convictions. The sacred fantasies I'd only allowed myself to entertain in times of mourning for the love we could never share advanced on me all at once. All of my faculties became consumed so quickly with the need to make her mine in every way, as my wife and my mate.

Forever.

"Please." She whispered against my skin, destroying the remainder of my shaky will with one insignificant syllable. The warmth of her breath ignited a flitter of sensations through my shirt. I could think of nothing else but the image of her in my arms, soft and warm.

"Bella…" I tried, failing miserably with the words I knew I needed to say.

Her heart jumped a little at the sound of her name, reminding me further of her fragile vulnerability. This only weakened my resolve. It was as if my passion for her became intertwined with deep, severe emotions I could not identify. In that moment, I cursed my nature with absolute despair. I would give anything to be human again, anything to simply love her as she deserved to be loved.

But, cursing would do no good. I would have to settle for the intimacy that was safe for her. Her life, her humanity was more important than any of my basest desires. I tried to convince myself of this as I began to kiss her neck with secret remorse. Her delightful heart began to sing with my touch, breaking my black heart once more into a thousand pieces.

I could never love her as she deserved to be loved. She deserved an explanation. I steadied myself before posing to explain, but words never left me.

In several quick movements, her delightful lips crashed into mine. The feeling of her skin, warm and pleasant encouraged my deepest passions for her. I wanted to show her that she was all I would ever want. She kissed me urgently and I responded. My hands moved of their own determination to her face as I rolled her away from me, holding her close. I lost control of every discipline I'd ever dominated with the feeling of her near me. The soft curves of her body molded into mine. I wanted nothing more than to touch the delicate lines of her frame.

I broke as her warm hands tangled into my hair. My over stimulated mind swam with simultaneous urges, needs, and illusions for intimacy as I kissed her deeper, more fervently that I'd ever allowed myself before. I saw myself carefully undressing her, kissing and tasting her soft, floral skin. I was certain that I could please her.

Bella's fingers slipped from my hair to my shirt leaving a delightful trail of tingled warmth resounding through me. I knew that I should stop her, but I didn't. Conflict raged. It was very wrong to want her this way, but I could only think of her consoling touch. I yearned for her comfort and her tender warmth. Above all else, I wanted her to show me that her desire for me was as pure as my own.

Consumed with tasting her skin, I was only broken back to a slight form of reality when Bella's warm, delightful hands traversed the length of my torso sending soft, numbing warmth through my entire body. The pleasure was undeniably wonderful. I very nearly gasped at the sensation. The relentlessly desirous part of my mind imagined what she would feel like against me so closely. She tugged on my hair to pull my mouth to hers again and I kissed her intently, desperate to show her that I wanted nothing more than to love her in every way. I held her then, so close to me, wishing and hoping so desperately that I could just make her mine.

It was only when Bella began to pull her buttons loose on her blouse that I registered how far I'd allowed myself to go. The desperate, passionate part of my dreams would be realized very quickly if I didn't intercede. The imagined image of her warm breasts against pressed against my cold skin reeled me in. That vision alone excited me nearly beyond my control.

I had to stop. And I had to stop her. I forced the image of her broken body to my mind. It kept me strong as I snatched her hands from her shirt and held them above her head. I had a very small portion of a second to brace myself for her disappointment before her human mind registered what I'd done. I buried my face against her cheek, shielding myself and my battered will from the force of her gaze.

"Bella…would you please stop trying to take your clothes off?" I whispered steadily.

"Do you want to do that part?" It was a breathlessly hopeful question.

I clenched my eyes tightly, steeling my resolve. The image of her deathly pallor hung violently behind my closed eyes. "Not tonight." I promised patiently.

Her shoulders slackened. "Edward, don't – " She tried. _Please do not plead with me again, Bella._

"I'm not saying no, I am just saying not tonight…" I added, hoping she would not resume her torturous temptations.

She didn't respond at first, but the exhale of her held breath made me feel comforted. I could only pray she was giving up. The ticking moments of silence were torturous, but I utilized my patience. She was thinking. _Please Bella, _I begged silently. The heat of her face intensified in frustration. She shifted beneath me slightly, but I was unmovable. It was imperative that I keep myself shielded from her eyes.

She exhaled once more before speaking. "Give me one good reason why tonight is not as good as any other night?"

Gratitude swarmed as I realized she was breaking her resolve. I could not help but smile lightly in relieved victory. But, immediately, I was at a loss as to where to start. I had so many reasons. I decided quickly to utilize the most logical explanations. Emotions and feelings were uncontrollable, logic was infallible.

"I wasn't born yesterday," I explained. "Out of the two of us, which do you think is more unwilling to give the other what they want? You just promised to marry me before you do any changing, but if I give in tonight, what guarantee do I have that you won't go running off to Carlisle in the morning? I am – clearly – much less reluctant to give you what you want. Therefore … you first."

The second and a half it took her to both register my request and plan her response, I let the grin of my hope light my face. I wasn't foolish enough to look at her just yet, but I sensed my win.

She huffed at me. "I have to marry you first?"

I stared at her delectable ear as she spoke. It was so soft and tender…

She would concede. The delight of my reprieve cheered me as I began to kiss her gently, hoping to be as persuasive as possible. I mused that we were now fighting with equal ammunition; one beautiful predator against another.

"That's the deal – take it or leave it. Compromise, remember?" I breathed against her neck, doing my best to not allow my carefully restrained merriment to catch her attention. I continued to kiss her audaciously.

Her heart sped up as I moved from her neck to her jaw line, placing soft, passionate kisses against her skin. I became quickly consumed with so many emotions as she thought in silence. I allowed my mind to fill with the remembrance of Alice's vision: Bella and the roses. She was radiant. The cream of her skin glowed in contrast to her long dark hair…

Bella's voice brought me back to the moment, but I felt a little less tortured now. She exhaled again, very loudly, still mulling over my demand. "I think that's a really bad idea," she whined.

Of course she would say that. "I'm not surprised that you feel that way. You have a one-track mind." I popped my head up from her jaw line and smirked.

The delightful blush intensified on her face and I couldn't help but grin at her once more before I moved back to kiss her cheeks with purpose.

"How did this happen?" she asked. "I thought I was holding my own tonight – for once – and now, all of a sudden – "

"You're engaged." I finished, completely and absolutely unable to now resist grinning like a fool. The very annunciation of the word left my head spinning with delight.

"Ew! Please don't say that out loud." She cried, closing her eyes in revulsion.

I chortled at that. Her aversion to marriage would not dispel my cheer. In some part of her mind, she'd already made the decision to marry me. Alice's vision assured me of that. So, I teased her. Quickly, I rose up away from kissing her cheek and straightened my expression seriously.

"Are you going back on your word?" I asked in shock.

It was my turn to unleash the full force of my eyes this time. She looked at me widely for a moment and I couldn't help but flash my anxious grin at her flagrantly. She rolled her eyes, but didn't answer otherwise.

"Are you?" I challenged, blatantly cornering her into admitting she would marry me.

Her face slipped into resignation. "Ugh!" She groaned. "No. I'm not. Are you happy now?"

The smile was unstoppable. It consumed my face. "Exceptionally." I admitted through a flash of teeth.

She groaned again, but her expression faltered a little when she covered her face with her hands. She didn't look frightened. She looked mildly entertained.

"Aren't you happy at all?" I asked with simpering cheer.

"A little bit." She said. For a split second, I was slightly moved by the honesty in her eyes. "But not about getting married."

I expected her answer, but it still split some rare emotion in half. It struck me that in another time, the time of human youth, her reaction would be quite unorthodox. I couldn't resist kissing her once more before entertaining her with my musing.

"Do you get the feeling that everything is backward?" I chortled against her skin. "Traditionally, shouldn't you be arguing my side, and I yours?"

She didn't answer quickly and my mood soared higher as I took my time kissing from her face to her jaw again. The incredible image of her walking carefully towards me in a wedding dress continued to fill my mind. How wonderful that I would have this warmth and her skin forever.

"There isn't much that's traditional about you and me." She said with conviction.

"True." I had to concede that in between kisses against her wrist.

"Look, Edward," she whispered. "I said I would marry you, and I will. I promise. I swear. If you want, I'll sign a contract in my own blood."

"Not funny." I murmured against her skin.

Her expression grew persuasive and her eyes tender. "What I'm saying is this – I'm not going to trick you or anything. You know me better than that. So there's really no reason to wait. We're completely alone – how often does that happen? – and you've provided this very large and comfortable bed …" She trailed off, realizing she was knocking on a closed door.

"Not tonight." I said. I couldn't be frustrated despite her persistence. She'd agreed to marry me and that was all I could think of.

"Don't you trust me?" She frowned.

"Of course I do."

She grabbed my face and pulled me from her wrist. I met the sensational emotion in her eyes with resolve this time. Although, I wasn't foolish enough to linger for too long.

"Then what's the problem? It's not like you didn't know you were going to win in the end. You always win." She muttered.

"Just hedging my bets." I assured her with a small smirk.

Although, I knew it was not a game. The small realization that somehow, perhaps even this year, I could make her my wife began to swirl around, bringing my mood to impossible heights with each consideration. I flew through a dozen possibilities for how we could arrange the affair privately, knowing it would be what she wanted.

"There's something else," she said, staring at my face. She was right. Would it scare her if I began reciting for her the possibilities I'd just imagined?

"Are you planning to go back on your word?" she asked suspiciously.

"No. I swear to you, we will try." I told her in absolute seriousness. "After you marry me."

She shook her head and giggled. Her mood was cheering a little, too. Her smile made me happier. The last thing I wanted was for our evening to be tainted by any frustrations. She sighed and I began to kiss her delightful skin once more. I could clearly feel my earlier relief begin to morph into slight joy. Carefully, I brushed my nose against her rounded collarbone dizzily absorbing her scent. I listened to every infinitesimal sound she produced as she inhaled to speak.

"You make me feel like a villain in a melodrama – twirling my mustache while I try to steal some poor girl's virtue." She laughed.

My lips stopped for a moment as I considered her characterization. Despite her humor, the words she'd spoken were contradictory. Bella was not the villain; Bella was the innocent.

I became momentarily lost in her amused expression as the image of making love to her for the first time filled my thoughts. It was a consolation that I would be able to give her the one part of me that was unsullied by my unnatural existence. I focused on resuming my kissing of her skin in an effort to distract myself from another thought: my inexperience would surely make me more dangerous to her.

My taunted image had just returned when I'd realized Bella was observing. "That's it, isn't it?" she murmured in awe. "You're trying to protect your virtue!"

I reeled slightly from her assessment, but with adjustment, I concealed my face against her shoulder. A combination of strange apprehensions seized me. I wasn't sure why I felt so conflicted, but I was. My reasons, which were both personal and – _moral_ – would be awkward to explain her. But, I knew that I should. They would all concern her if she succeeded in obtaining immortality. Bella giggled at my expense, drawing my attention once more.

"No, silly girl," I muttered between kisses on her shoulder. "I'm trying to protect yours. And you're making it shockingly difficult."

I listened to the finite tunes of her life as she exhaled and inhaled once more. "Of all the ridiculous-" she began.

I cut her off, fairly certain of where she was going with her comment. "Let me ask you something." I started. "We've had this discussion before, but humor me." I inclined my head to her earnestly and she answered in kind.

"How many people in this room have a soul? A shot at heaven or whatever there is after this life?" I asked her seriously.

Her heart had begun speeding as soon as I'd said '_soul'_. I knew she would be determined. "Two." She growled.

I nodded appreciatively. "All right. Maybe that's true. Now, there's a world full of dissention about this, but the vast majority seem to think that there are some rules that have to be followed."

She rolled her eyes and narrowed them. "Vampire rules aren't enough for you? You want to worry about the human ones too?"

"It couldn't hurt," I admitted with a shrug. "Just in case."

She glared at me in frustration, but I continued nonetheless. "Now, of course, it might be too late for me, even if you are right about my soul."

"No, it isn't." She hissed, pointing her small delicate finger at me.

"_'Thou shall not kill'_ _is_ commonly accepted by major belief systems," I argued, locking my eyes in to hers. "And…I've killed a lot of people, Bella."

Her eyes didn't flinch from my gruesome admission, but that didn't surprise me.

"Only the bad ones." She said softly. A part of my love for her swelled at her sweet sincerity, but I stayed focused.

"Maybe that counts and maybe that doesn't. But you haven't killed anyone-"

"That you know," she interrupted in a mumble.

I almost frowned at her, but I pressed on with a bit of a smirk. "And I'm going to do my best to keep you out of temptation's way."

"Okay. But we weren't fighting over committing murder."

"The same principle applies – the only difference is that this is the one area in which I'm just as spotless as you are. Can't I leave one rule unbroken?"

I looked at her with emotion. I wouldn't explain to her that my unbroken sin was my last hold on the belief that somehow I'd experience redemption. Not that it mattered anymore. The prospect of spending an eternity with her was enough for me.

"One?" She asked. She was surprised. I chuckled a little at her expression.

"You know that I've stolen, I've lied, and I've coveted. My virtue is all I have left." I admitted.

"I lie all the time." She said seriously.

My grin grew a little wider. She was impressed by her tally of sin. "Yes, but you are such a bad liar that it doesn't really count. Nobody believes you."

She gaped at me and I laughed. "I really hope you're wrong about that. Because, otherwise, Charlie is about to burst through the door with a loaded gun."

The images from Charlie's own mind flashed. He'd thought of a dozen scenarios for confrontations with me. I chuckled at the endearing reminder of his fatherly chivalry. "Charlie is happier when he pretends to swallow your stories. He'd rather lie to himself than look too closely."

She had to agree with that. The truth was obvious.

"But what did you ever covet? You have everything." She wondered quietly.

That was entirely wrong. "I coveted you." I murmured. "I had no right to want you – but I reached out and took you anyway. And now look what's become of you! Trying to seduce a vampire!" I joked. I shook my head at her incredulously and she rolled her eyes again.

"You can't covet what's already yours," she informed me. "Besides, I thought it was my virtue you were worried about."

"It is. If it's too late for me…Well, I'll be damned – no pun intended – if I'll them keep you out, too."

"You can't make me go somewhere you won't be," she said. "That's my definition of hell. Anyway, I have an easy solution to this: let's never die, all right?"

I began to frown at her clever solution, until I watched her face brighten. That previous delightful swelling emotion appeared again as soon as I saw her smile again.

"Sounds simple enough. Why didn't I think of that?" I wondered aloud. She narrowed her eyes as an adorable line formed on her mouth. She huffed a little and my teeth broke free.

"So that's it. You won't sleep with me until we're _married_." She asked formally.

"Technically, I can't ever sleep with you." I said thoughtfully. Her mind was still working on the subject at hand, but I couldn't quite focus. Those imagined visions of Bella and me together on our wedding day were inundating me with wonderful feelings.

She rolled her eyes at me again. "Very mature, Edward."

"But, other than that detail, yes, you've got it right." I said.

Bella stared at me intently for a moment and I stared back. Her right eye creased at little as she watched me. I smirked at her curiously.

"I think you have an ulterior motive," she said certainly.

Oh! To see the workings of her mind. I had no choice but to indulge her. I gave her the most innocent expression I could manage. "Another one?"

"You know this will speed things up," She charged.

I straightened my face as much as possible, knowing my high spirits would only make her angry. "There is only one thing I want to speed up, and the rest can wait forever…but for that, it's true, your impatient hormones are my most powerful ally at this point."

She huffed and threw her head against the pillow, so I flashed another smile. I was now fairly certain that no matter what happened for the remainder of the evening, I would be able to brighten her mood. My cheer had become all consuming.

She shook her head in disgust. "I can't believe I'm going along with this. When I think of Charlie…and Renee! Can you imagine what Angela will think? Or Jessica? Ugh. I can hear the gossip now."

I frowned at her in wonder. Why in the world was she worried about them? If she got her way, she would never see them again. She turned to face me a few seconds after she'd uttered the words. She met my surprised expression with a frown of her own. She seemed lost in thought for a moment and once more, I longed to hear her mind.

Her thoughts would never reach me, but I knew her face well. My suspicions that she was concerned more about Renee than anyone else grew by the passing second. It wasn't a very long time, but I waited for her to speak and I became even more concerned when she didn't. We'd never discussed this before. Would she be more worried about others opinions or the spotlight such an affair would bring? I'd always assumed she'd want something simple. The line in her brow creased thoughtfully. And when the color hit her cheek and she shuddered, I tried to explain.

"It doesn't have to be a big production," I promised. "I don't need any fanfare. You won't have to tell anyone or make any changes. We'll go to Vegas – you can wear old jeans and we'll go to the chapel with the drive-through window. I just want it to be official – that you belong to me and no one else."

"It couldn't be more official than it already is," She moaned. But, actually it could. I'd not really asked her the proper way and I'd not given her my mother's ring. It would be official then…

"We'll see about that," I smiled complacently, thinking of how wonderful my mother's ring would look on her delicate finger. "I suppose you don't want your ring now?" My voice was high with hope and it unnerved her.

She swallowed and leaned into the bed as if I were threatening her.

"You suppose correctly." She managed.

I laughed at her anxiety. To think the high point of my excitement for the evening was giving her my mother's jewel. It would have been delightful to give her them both. Particularly since she'd already said yes to one gift…She surely couldn't say 'no' to another. But, it would be best to wait.

"That's fine. I'll get it on your finger soon enough." I said noncommittally.

"You talk like you already have one."

I met her eyes with sincerity. "I do. Ready to force upon you at the first sign of weakness."

Her heart sped up and I could only imagine the images she was contriving. She'd seen both Alice and Rosalie's rings, I was sure she probably thought I would do something similar. She had no idea the ring was a tasteful antique. I wondered if she would like it. It _was_ beautiful. Immediately, I imagined the scene from Alice's mind of Bella's earlier acceptance. This time it was my mother's ring she was happily receiving.

She saw me thinking and narrowed her eyes. "You're unbelievable," she accused.

"Do you want to see it?" I blurted hopefully, anxious for her approval.

"No!" she shouted, her mouth opened in horror. I reeled back from her and I tried not to show my disappointment. The image dissolved in my mind quickly.

"Unless…you really want to show it to me." She encouraged. I looked up at her indifferently.

"That's all right," I shrugged. "It can wait."

She started to frown and I wondered why. Did she feel guilty? I felt childish, but I didn't want her to accept it out of obligation.

"Show me the damn ring, Edward." She grumbled.

Obligation, again. "No." I stated simply.

And then before my eyes, her little face fell from its frown into that face I'd seen earlier. I braced myself this time, leaning slightly back from the force of her eyes. But, my feeble attempts at resistance were useless. Her big brown eyes began to plead and I knew I was lost.

"Please?" she begged softly once more.

I closed my eyes and leaned into her hand as she stroked my face with her warm fingers. The sensation was so wonderful, "Please can I see it?"

I snapped my eyes open at her tone. She'd used that tone on purpose. I supposed it was fair; I'd dazzled her intentionally many times.

I sighed. "You are the most dangerous creature I've ever met." I told her before I untangled from her and glided with veiled happiness to my nightstand.

Bursting joy was threatening my composure as I opened the drawer with conscious deliberation. I wanted the moment to last. Still, I snatched the box too quickly and flashed to her side. I held her close to me, reveling in the warmth of her back against my arm as I balanced the box on her knee. Every sense trained on her as she lightly grasped the little black box and posed to open it. That ticking beat of her heart began to accelerate through her entire being. The resounding thud moved through her body, sending warm sensations through the length of my own. I enjoyed the confirmation of her emotion immensely. I could only hope it was excitement she was feeling.

I wanted nothing more than for her to open it.

"Go ahead and look, then," I encouraged her roughly, desperate and impatient to see her reaction. She was still stalling. Time stood still for me as I watched her small fingers fumble slightly.

"You didn't spend a lot of money, did you?" she murmured. "Lie to me, if you did."

"I didn't spend anything. It's just another hand-me-down. This is the ring my father gave to my mother."

"Oh," she said. I watched in anticipation as her little fingers danced along the edge of the opening. She was intentionally postponing the moment.

"I suppose it's a little outdated. Old-fashioned, just like me. I can get you something more modern. Something from Tiffany's?" I mused.

"I like old-fashioned things," she mumbled as she finally opened the box. I closed my eyes briefly at the sound of her musical heart as it sputtered with some emotion I'd probably never understand. I snapped my eyes to the box and saw with absolute glee the vision of her appreciating the fine ring. Her face was growing hot again.

"It's so pretty," she whispered as she fingered the stones.

"Do you like it?" I asked hopefully.

"It's beautiful. What's not to like?"

I chuckled at her. "See if it fits."I said, desperate for my memory. But, Bella's hand snapped into a fist. I looked at her in disapproval. I knew that she didn't feel forced, but her reaction encouraged a pang of doubt.

"I'm not going to solder it to your finger." I said gently. "Just try it on so I can see if it needs to be sized. Then you can take it right off."

"Fine," she grumbled.

I slipped the ring onto her finger and felt an unprecedented energy course through me at the sight of my accomplished goal. I wanted to grasp her and hold her tight. I wanted to kiss her until she couldn't breath. I exhaled quietly and composed myself. Bella was nervous; she would need me to maintain some element of propriety. So, I straightened my face with great care and concentrated on keeping the mood light.

"A perfect fit. That's nice – saves me a trip to the jeweler's." I said casually. But, my voice broke a little with emotion at the last and it did not escape her attention.

She was on to me. "You like that, don't you?" she asked, wiggling her finger as she narrowed her eyes in speculatively. I almost broke then, but I held fast.

I shrugged at her. "Sure. It looks very nice on you." I conceded simply. The smile was contained, but just barely. The corners of my mouth were twitching and I felt it struggling to break free. My breathing picked up a little as I fought it, but…it was no use. She intensified her gaze on mine and for a brief second the new emotion in her eyes combined with my own desire to show her how unfathomably happy she made me feel destroyed my resolve.

I crumbled completely and the smile, that damned ridiculous smile, conquered my careful veneer. I almost breathed a sigh of relief as I let it dominate my controlled expression. I could see my joy in her eyes, which widened into their own smiling curiosity. Bella's breath caught as she assessed my happiness and I seized my opportunity. Swiftly, I knocked her breathless as I crashed my overexcited lips into hers. I had to break away before I became too overwhelmed by the moment. So, I settled for taking in her scent as I moved to whisper into her ear.

"Yes, I like it. You have_ no_ idea." I gushed, letting my overwhelming happiness slip out once again. It felt good to release that restrained emotion and I could barely catch my breath.

She giggled at me. "I believe you."

I tightened my hold on her, as I nestled my face into her neck once more, taking in her scent and closing my eyes at the relief that passed through me. She'd loved the ring. She'd accepted it. And, for once, she'd allowed me to show her what she meant to me. I reeled a little at the remembered vision of my mother's ring on her finger. It was perfect for her. Only when I revisited the memory once more did I realize that something was missing. It had happened so suddenly. I'd not actually asked her to marry me properly. She knew my intention, but it wasn't official.

"Do you mind if I do something?" I whispered into her ear. Her heart sped a little and I nestled my nose against her ear. My adoration for her was without precedent.

"Anything you want," she replied breathlessly. Feeling lighter and yet, oddly enough, a little nervous, I slid away from her. I took a few steps back from her, but it didn't feel right. I wanted to have her standing. I reached for her and she immediately understood.

"Anything but that…" she whined as her face grew red.

Speedily, the beat of her heart increased its tempo, and once again, I reveled in my ability to excite her. This was definitely one human experience we both would enjoy together. I carefully took her soft hands in mine and pulled her reluctantly so that she could stand. Her face turned so bright I could feel the temperature envelop the air around her. Only, this time I could sympathize with her anxious nerves because - I felt them too. Nevertheless, I straightened my face into polite seriousness and grasped her delicate shoulders.

"Now, I want to do this right. Please, please, keep in mind that you've already agreed to this, and don't ruin it for me."

She said nothing, but I watched her carefully as I transitioned into the timeless position; I slid down to one knee.

"Oh no," she gasped as she took a small step back from me, covering her mouth in wide-eyed surprise.

"Be nice," I warned. She took a deep breath, once again and braced herself for my antics.

"Isabella Swan?" I began, feeling my silent heart dance along the edge of bursting with sheer happiness. "I promise to love you forever – every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"

Bella's expression was strangely peaceful as she blinked, swallowed, and exhaled quietly. I watched several emotions cross her face before she said the one word I simply longed to hear.

"Yes," she whispered.

My nerves exploded in glee. I felt a rush of energy and I longed to take her into my arms and spin her like a scene from an old-fashioned movie. But, I refrained. Her provision for marriage was a requirement that would require an incredible amount of control. It would be best to begin practicing now. So, I carefully restrained my euphoric glee.

"Thank you…" I breathed in one exhale.

I rose quickly and took one step towards her. Her eyes were wide and almost emotional. I pulled her soft, warm hand towards my mouth, closing my eyes at the feel of her skin against my lips. I breathed in the scent of her wrist and kissed each of her fingers before I laid one final, exultant kiss on my mother's ring. As I looked at her once more, I noticed something new in her expression. It took me a moment to place it. The look of a serious emotion painted her lovely face. And it was the face she'd worn in Alice's vision as she peered into my eyes from a bundle of roses.

I smiled at her in delight and resisted the urge to crush her next to me in an all consuming embrace. Instead, I looked once more to the ring that now lay on her finger. The ring of my human mother. The ring that held every hope I clung to.

The ring which now belonged to Bella…just like my joy.


	7. Chapter 21 Trails

**I do not own Twilight, nor do I own any of the characters. All characters and themes referenced in Eclipse belong to Stephenie Meyer. Any quotations from Eclipse are purely for reference and are in no way an attempt at any copyright infringement.**

**Prelude to Fire and Ice.**

* * *

I wasn't strong enough and although this realization unnerved me, it was the truth. The brutal truth. The little encampment felt too small for my troubles. I was suffocating in my own troubled whirlwind of feelings, anxieties, and strange sensations I couldn't name, identify, or overcome. My clenched fists expanded and contracted of their own volition.

The strong emotions were too much with me. The strength of the warring compulsions permeated my every thought, nagging me relentlessly, piercing through my rational mind. My head buzzed uncontrollably, jumping from one point of focus to another. It seemed the more that I resisted, the worse it became. Memories, images, thoughts, words, feelings, all came and went as they pleased. The intensity was beyond distracting.

And, the matter was clear. I didn't have enough discipline to control these feelings. Perhaps a vampire could only handle so many human emotions, so much anxiety, so much feeling. Had I reached my limit? Yes, perhaps that was it...I've finally reached my maximum level of anxiety. No. That wasn't true. I _was_ going to keep my head clear and my composure intact.

I was not just anxious. It was worse, much worse. The emotions I was trying to ignore weren't just strong, they had a life of their own, bubbling to the surface like some vile plague. They were ugly.

Resentfulness…and…jealousy, the twin harbingers of my relentless self-hatred and insecurity.

But...despite my _feelings_, there were other masters at work here. It was instinct that pushed me to rebel. Instinct and the biological need to fight for survival. And without Bella, survival was...impossible.

Jacob Black was a threat to me, to her, to our future together. Every fiber of my being screamed to resist her urges to trust him. Everything I knew and felt eschewed the very idea of placing her in his care, even if it was necessary, even if she was safe, even if he was careful. Nothing was stronger than my instinct to reclaim her from his hold as he'd strode away with her in the clearing, smug and self-assured. It had taken every bit of my control to maintain my careful departure. And, as I'd walked away and even now...the image of the look on his face was a relentless idée fixe.

It was then that I'd understood him. Brave Jacob Black was on a sincere mission. And there was nothing I could do to stop him. To confront him would be the worst possible course of action. To challenge him was just as terrible. Only one would walk away. And Bella would never forgive me. Besides, countless reasons demanded that his life be spared. Most important amongst those was the fact that I needed his help and so did she.

Nevertheless, my instincts were right. Beating them back with careful rationalization and cleverly constructed morality was no easy task. In fact, it was nearly impossible. He was planning to talk to Bella about his feelings for her. And, it was probably happening now as I descended into madness, pacing in a camp. I felt desperation and rage equally. Because, deep down, Jacob Black was convinced that she loved him. And, a tiny part of me suspected that he might be right.

The vindictive, spiteful side of me was pleased beyond measure with the very fact that I possessed this knowledge to begin with. I smiled at the thought that he was wholly unaware that I'd caught the thought from the back of his mind as he had consciously attempted to push it away, almost as if he were protecting it. He was becoming quite adept at attempting to control his thoughts; perhaps practicing with the pack had taught him some aspect of control. Yet, he did not slide by me. His attempt was unsuccessful.

What I couldn't understand was why his thought had surprised me. I should have expected his arrogance, his tenacity, his dedication to winning her, stealing her. Honestly, in the course of all of our interactions, he'd made no effort to hide it from either of us, behaving in a most juvenile manner. Had I deceived myself that completely by thinking he was ready to let go of her? I wasn't sure. And, once I'd let both the possibility of my own gross self-deception combined with my uncertainty with the situation truly sink in, I'd nearly driven myself mad. I'd set up the entire camp in a fraction of the time it should have taken me, leaving me with nothing but trivial distractions. Fool.

A thousand possibilities ran through my mind as I searched for clues, hints that I'd previously missed. I'd underestimated his audacity, but I'd not been completely unsuspecting. I'd always been wary of him, and, if I was honest with myself, their relationship. I'd told myself he was dangerous because of the threat to her safety that a young, inexperienced, savage werewolf presented. Now that the pretenses were fading, wariness morphed into fear. Perhaps it was fear all along. I sighed, frustrated with myself. My own inability to focus on controlling my thoughts, my anxiety, and my envy was…_unbearable_. Was I teetering on the edge of my self-control? Yes, that was it.

And, Bella. Her reaction, her desire, her inclination to him was deplorable. I shuddered with despair. I could not ignore it. She felt the draw. It was on her face, in her body language, in her smile. It was as if they were drawn to one _another_. Was there more there to her inability to stay away from him? Was _he_the reason, the true reason, she'd given me back my mother's ring? I'd hidden my dejection, but surely she must have considered that I would question her motive?

A complex concoction of emotions sprang forth, just as strong as before. I'd hoped with each surge that the complexity, the potent blend of feeling would lessen, or decrease in intensity. I was very wrong. It was worse, despite that I managed to anticipate the intensity. Of course, it didn't help that a part of me knew my anger was justified. Even a human would be angry! The entire situation was offensive. Who would be satisfied to wait, stationary and helpless, while their romantic rival gallivanted up a mountainside with their love in his arms, plotting to persuade her of their destiny together? It wasn't _just_ me.

There were so many questions, questions that threatened to pull me lose with uncertainty. What would Jacob say to her? Was there something between them that I had missed before? I wondered what she would say to him. A strong western wind broke me from my morbid machinations. The storm Alice had warned us about was rapidly approaching. The temperature of the gust was several degrees cooler than the current temperature. Thankfully, I was well-prepared.

Ah. Preparation, the best method of ensuring success. That felt good, but I was in no mood to focus on the positive. To even allow my hopes and consolations of my sane mind into the same sphere with my despair was unwise. It was as if they would become tainted by my hopelessness. I was functioning in a constant state of separate duality.

And, if I had any hope of being reconciled with myself, I wanted to just sort these emotions out. Analyzing them was the only way to free myself. Besides, what could I truly do in this instance to control any of this besides attempt to restore my sanity? The future was uncertain. I could not _control_ Bella's heart.

And, what did Bella's heart want? Was that not the central question? I was selfish, but ultimately I wanted nothing but happiness for her. It was an incontrovertible truth that Bella possessed deep feelings for Jacob Black, deep feelings that were ardently reciprocated. Her whispers in her sleep, her tender caresses of his vile fur, her secret phone calls she hoped I didn't hear, her outrage at his betrayal, which had only belied deeper feelings, and her _smile_. It was similar to the smile she gave me, almost more comfortable, _actually…_

Ugh. The concoction swirled again, and I was able to identify, in a brief fraction of a second, the distinct feeling that was just lying on the surface:_ miserable agony._

_You need a distraction!_ Pacing was driving me mad, but I could not stop. Running would be ideal, but it would not help me now. _Use your mind!_

Rationalizing through this situation logically, controlling these emotions with diligence, and focusing on the circumstances with a cool head were the only methods available. At least I had some options. I did not have to give in to this. I could face these feelings of anxiety and insecurity now with the same severity I had faced them in the past.

Moreover, I'd certainly reached the limits of my frustration with Jacob Black before, under much more extreme circumstances than this, and I had succeeded in mastering my emotions then. In comparison, this situation was nothing! I was stronger than these petty emotions, regardless of how involuntary they were. I could not falter now.

I paced. A barking laugh escaped me. It was the laugh of a madman. I could not even control my _laughing_...or my _pacing_, an action that is essentially voluntary. I could not remember when the pacing had started. My feet had begun to floating across the little encampment before I'd even registered that they were moving. Had my conscious attempts to control my wild, impulsive emotions actually forced my body to create a release in the form of pacing? The movement felt good. Perhaps the pacing was a natural compulsion, the physical manifestation of stress...I nodded my head to myself in agreement. Yes, that was it. _You are driving yourself mad…_

Scowling with severity, I turned as I stopped pacing, standing still perhaps for the first time since entering the encampment. I noticed the cool temperature emanating from the rock behind me. It looked soothing. The cool wall was firm, reliable. I leaned against it, appreciating its immovable existence. It was comforting to know it could never leave this place. It was an infallible, solid structure…

I _was_ going mad. It was indubitably the case now.

I took another long breath, closing my eyes again. Focusing on the strong points of the situation was essential. There was no need to taint any of the positive with the negative unless I drew them in together. I would focus. Besides, numerating the positive attributes might deal a blow to my anxiety. It was a good plan.

I began ticking off my reasons with my right hand before I stopped. I looked around the encampment, thankful that I was alone. I needed to be myself, and right now that included muttering, laughing, pacing, and counting my carefully catalogued reasons for sanity.

One, the dog only had to travel _nine _miles and they were _not_ late, and if he showed up now, this early, it would mean he was being reckless.

Secondly, the nine miles he was to travel could be _easily_ covered, although, he was probably taking advantage of every solitary moment with her, relishing the feel of her soft, warm form snuggled next to him.

Nevertheless! He was still doing his job according to the plan. Next…

Third, the newborns could be defeated easily, that was certain. Alice had seen that Bella's scent would lead the newborns to their slaughter, and thanks to Jacob's plan, his scent would lead them, and _Victoria_, away from Bella, allowing her to remain with me.

Fourth…well, perhaps it was more than four, but...his help had been _essential_ to his infallible plan. She was alive today because of him, and it was only proper to be grateful for everything he had done and continued to do.

Fifth, and most importantly, Bella had agreed to be my wife. Of course, she was not wearing my ring, but she would.

Alice had seen that too.

I felt reassured. Why had I resisted this method? Idiot. Ungrateful cad. I had plenty to be thankful for. I did not _need_ to let these insecurities push me deeper into my own personal, customized hell of anguished mental wrangling. My jaw was clenched, although I hadn't noticed that before. _Relax...no more clenching of any kind..._I took another breath and held it, letting it swell my lungs to their maximum potential. _When you release this air, you would stop this torturous nonsense..._

I exhaled and it helped a little. _Very, very little..._

Another swirl of icy wind hit my face. I closed my eyes to embrace the chill. It was delightfully refreshing. I felt stronger, clearer. Positive, yes, positive. The stress washed away a little. I had to get it together before they arrived and the only way to do this was to force myself to focus on the positive elements of the situation. I ignored the image of Bella wrapped in Jacob Black's arms completely. Resistance was crucial.

So, what was the second worst part of this situation? Truly, the only disaster Alice had foreseen was now rendered obsolete by my decision to remain with Bella. The image from Alice's mind of Bella, her hair wild, eyes wide with fear, attempting to sacrifice herself for the cause of winning a war that was already being won flashed forcefully before my eyes. I shook my head and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to push it away. _Could you have revived a worse image at this moment?_

In a fraction of a second, the image became an almost insurmountable distraction. Before I could push it away, it lingered. It was no use fighting, so I tried to focus a little on some of the details, looking for something I might have previously missed. I found nothing. I was completely uncertain as to what circumstances would have inspired her to take such a rash action. This fact only increased my unease. Trading the fun of killing newborns was a worthy exchange. Bella was unpredictable.

I felt a surge of frustration with her. She was brave, but unflinchingly reckless. Did she truly believe I would let her put herself in danger? _Actually_…yes, she did, and frequently counted on it. She was engaged to a vampire. We were both reckless.

I chuckled at Bella, at myself, at Alice. The dark sky framed the horizon and it made me feel ridiculous. A few more of Alice's images flew into my mind: the newborns, Jasper flying forward destroying two at a time, Bella here with me safely at the camp. It was true that Alice's _gift,_ and mine for that matter, were frequently either disruptive curses or blessings. There was rarely an in-between, well, at least not for Alice. In her visions, as choices were made, new visions appeared, but previous insights were sometimes still relevant. So, somehow, someway, at some point, Bella could still end up in the clearing, which is one reason that I had chosen to stay behind. In bringing her to this place, it would be incredibly difficult for her to reach the clearing on her own. She would never escape from the clearing, from me.

I smiled to myself as I imagined her trying. That _would_ be entertaining. Edward 1, Bella 0.

Perhaps I was not giving myself enough credit. Last night, for instance, I'd seen the joy in her eyes. Although, very well hidden, there was joy there. Maybe it was more than joy? I recalled the image of Bella standing before me. I focused on the emotion in her eyes as she watched me drop onto one knee, requesting her hand in marriage. Wide-eyed and expectant, she'd even gasped a little at the gesture. She'd said yes to _me_. Despite her attempts to appear nonchalant, it had moved her. _I_ had moved her. The memory was so strong. Relief arrived in a startling rush. I glanced around conspiratorially for Jasper, but scoffed at my own idiocy.

I felt another smile creep its way onto my face. These are the memories I should be focusing on. Memories of Bella. Bella Swan was going to be my _wife_. I couldn't say that enough to myself. In the confines of my wildest imagination, I had truly hoped this would be the joy we'd have with one another. I was going to get my chance to earn her trust, her love, her loyalty…Moreover, now that she'd agreed to marry me, I had a duty to love her, to _protect_ her. I nodded my head at my affirmation. I felt the irony and flinched. I imagined Bella snuggled in Jacob's tight embrace, trailing together up the mountain.

A sigh escaped. I was annoying myself. _More ridiculous by the minute..._

It would be at least another half hour before they approached and when they did, did I truly want her to see my hateful brooding?

I looked around wondering which direction they would approach. I would probably not smell them as they approached; the western wind was strong and it blew a furious array of scents in my direction. The wind was heavy and wet with moisture. The previously heavy clouds gaining more blackness, this storm would probably be severe.

I took another long look around for them and saw nothing. Perhaps I was a fool for not focusing on my location more. The scenery was incredibly beautiful and it was clear to see that under different circumstances this location would have been an ideal place for a weekend retreat, a time for us to be alone. I closed my eyes again and allowed Bella to fill my thoughts.

Imagination Bella rose from our tent on a cool, beautiful morning, groggy and disoriented from a night of restful sleep. The shine of her hair cast rays of light from the top of her head down her back. Imagination Bella's hair was a total, complete disaster. An irresistible, glorious, and chaotic mess. I smiled lightly to myself thinking of the time we might have to spend together once this battle was over, once the wedding was over. Once Jacob was over. _Jacob…_

_..._

Suddenly, I heard the low hum of his thoughts, his steady, deep breathing, and the heavy pace of his feet; he was running. My eyes shot open. No! He was _sprinting_ up the mountainside. I removed myself from my fixed position to resume my pacing. _Dammit, Jacob._ Why would he sprint recklessly with her in his arms? She could fall so easily...

Anxiety again ripped through me. I paced furiously. Could he be so desperate to impress her? She would be frightened, naturally! Running with me was one thing; running with him, and his unstable, albeit altered humanity, was another...

Gradually, the low hum became clearer. A gust of wet, cold wind blew violently. Our tent rumbled in response. I could suddenly smell his overpowering, vile scent. I took a deep breath, not to savor his scent, but to allow my finite senses to dissect the particles for traces of hers.

_Ah..._it hit me in a small rush. I was fairly desensitized now. The scent of her blood was nothing compared to the scent of _her. _I did not delude myself into thinking I beat it entirely, but it was much easier than I'd ever imagined it would be. I waited for the predictable pool of excess venom to gather and then quickly swallowed twice. Victory. Easy victory.

_...If I…leech…don't even look… thinking of her…just stupid…idiot, bloodsucker…why would he…would have her believe…_Jacob thought.

I could not see images, but I could gather his thoughts in spurts, much like a radio not yet in its proper tune. His voice had become much clearer to me in these last few months. I could hear him farther way now, which was not necessarily a positive development. He thought of her constantly. His thoughts ranged from intimate sexual images to tender moments of reminiscence. I tried to focus in an effort to detect any hints as to the nature of their conversation. I silently hoped he'd lost his nerve.

I was still pacing. I wrangled my hands and continued to breathe. I comforted myself with the knowledge that they were closer now. Once she was with me, I would feel complete again and I could relax in the knowledge that she was safe from the battle, from herself, from _Victoria_, from Jacob…with me.

_We're almost there and he should be prepared by now. This storm won't pass lightly. I will have to transition. I've done most of the freaking hard work around here and haven't gotten much thanks for it. At least she'll be safe, though...maybe I can think of a way that Bella can thank me...Get…_

I blocked him. I didn't want to hear anything further. His thoughts betrayed nothing to indicate anything other than his current concerns. No rejection, no anxiety, no despair...

I cast a quick glance around the small clearing as a final check. I knew she would be here soon. Anxiety gave way to anticipation. A strong, swift gust of wind blew from the northwest bringing with it the first flurries of snow. I felt the temperature drop a fraction of a degree. She would need to be here...soon.

It was then that I smelled them again; they were very close. His thoughts were peaceful, resigned and concentrated on the task at hand. _Thank you, Jacob._

I resumed my pacing. With nothing else to do, I began to stare at the storm. The clouds were swollen and purple, pregnant with weather. I was briefly dumbstruck by the incredibly beauty of the storm as it approached. It was the way the light seemed to retreat into the sky, the clouds taking their intended position. Perhaps it was even symbolic, I mused.

Another gust of wind rushed by my face and I noticed the temperature was even cooler. Light snow was attached to the heavy wind. Quickly, another gust of wind rocked around the tent. I immediately took an inventory of the tent. It was sturdy. We would be just fine.

_Hmph. Do bloodsuckers bleed…this snow might cast a nice backdrop…Hey, leech! I know you can hear me. We're close now…_Jacob thought.

I saw them then as they approached quickly.

"Bella!" I cried, the worry and strain evident in my voice.

Her face was tucked in Jacob's chest. As she heard my voice, her head shifted towards the sound. I caught a glimpse of her magnificent pink cheek as she shivered from the wind that whirled around her exposed face. Then, all I could see was her small, delicate frame cradled in his arms. I was jealous. I immediately scanned his thoughts, but they were quiet, worried. He was walking too slowly. I tried to be patient, but I could not fight the urge to be near her any longer. I ran to her in a flash. He cringed physically at my speed and scent.

_...Ugh...the way you move is beyond unnatural...just watch it, leech…we wouldn't want any mistakes…_

I blocked him. His sentiment was understandable. He didn't trust me and I didn't trust him. Bella looked up at me, visibly shaken by the cold and the wind. Blustery and windswept, her cheeks glowed, but it wasn't the time to marvel at her color. Swiftly, another cold gust passed us and I moved to block her from its blast. She shivered again. I hugged her tightly and closed my eyes for a second, saying a silent prayer to whomever might be listening, thanking someone that she was safe and here with me. Jacob stepped forward smelling the wind.

Drained by my anxiety, my worries, my fears, my torturous thoughts, I suddenly felt beyond grateful. Grateful that she was here, grateful that he must have lost his nerve, grateful she was safe, because of him.

_...this storm is going to be nasty...I wonder if…_

"Jacob…" I interrupted him.

He turned, meeting my eyes with valid suspicion, but said nothing. I attempted to hold his eyes, but it made him uncomfortable. His hatred for me went too deep, distrust ingrained into his otherwise open heart. He looked away, back to the sky. His thoughts cleared and I made my best effort to convey the depths of my gratitude.

"Thank you, this was quicker than I expected and I truly appreciate it." Despite my intense anxiety for the last half hour, I'd meant every word.

_...yeah, yeah…I didn't do it for you…but, you're welcome…_

Bella turned to him from my side and he shrugged down at her, leaving a half grin on his face. Had something just passed between them? She immediately tucked her head back into my jacket and shivered again. That was odd. I probed his thoughts. I found nothing but concern.

"Get her inside. This is going to be bad – my hair is standing up on my scalp. Is that tent secure?" he asked, not looking anywhere but into the sky.

"I all but welded it to the rock." I answered.

It was secure, but I had not considered the drastic temperature change. Bella began to shiver again.

"Good…" Jacob mumbled.

I placed my hand on the small of Bella's back to guide her into the tent. I'd just wanted to touch her, keep her near me. I looked back at Jacob as he stood at the edge of the encampment. Something was _off_ with him. Was he hiding something? Bella's shiver caught my attention. I pushed her forward gently, trying to hurry her human pace just a little.

As we unzipped the entrance, I was thankful that the tent was warmer inside. Of course, as soon as I considered the warmth, the air pressure changed in a swift decline. The temperature dropped another half of a degree.

_...I'm changing now...I need to hear the pack...I will be back…_Jacob thought.

Take your time. I turned to Bella to keep her informed and as I caught her gaze, I noticed the coloring of her face was no longer a delightful pink. Her cheeks, nose and delicate lips were bright red. I leaned down to touch her face and she shivered at my touch. In the strange glow of the tent, I caught the contrasting color of my white hands against her red skin. If I could have shivered, I would have. As if she sensed something was off with me, she looked away, observing the tent. I couldn't look away from her though. What _was_ she thinking?

"Jacob is changing now, Bella," I whispered to her, imploring her with my eyes to meet my gaze.

She looked back at me, frowning. I thought I detected fear in her eyes, fear for Jacob. She looked away again.

"Thanks," she said. "This is really nice, Edward. Thank you."

"I fear it will not be enough though, Bella. The temperature is dropping. You will need to get into the sleeping bag."

This time I averted her gaze, using the search for the sleeping bag as an excuse. Why did she frown? Had they had an exchange I didn't detect? Was he more disciplined with his thoughts than I had originally thought? Had I underestimated him? I carefully reassessed every detail I could remember from our reunion to detect something in their body language. Something _was_ off with Jacob. I felt as if I was missing something.

I approached her with the down sleeping bag, holding it up to her as if she should be trying it on for size. She grinned at me and a chill ran through her body, again.

"Who's sleeping bag is this?" she asked, curious. Her little mouth curved slightly in wonder.

"It's yours, now. We've had it for a few years and, naturally, you're the first to use it," I added with a grin, "but, do be careful. I have the sinking suspicion that this…" I grabbed a patch of the bag between my fingers and shook it, "will not improve your already dreadful sense of balance." I shook the corners of the sleeping bag in an attempt to make it more alluring.

"Oh, hush…" she scolded, feigning insult. She knew it was true.

I held it steady for her as she took two unsteady steps in. I zipped her in and she giggled. The bag was nearly as long as she was tall; the top swallowed her chin. I was instantly thankful for Alice's insight, what would I do without her? Perhaps her gift wasn't too much of a curse…

I couldn't help but be distracted by Bella as she started to try to wiggle as much as possible to get warm, hopping in small steps. She completed a circle. I chuckled at her.

She scowled at me, but she did not intimidate me. She was radiant.

"Don't laugh at me, Edward!" she said, her tone clear with false authority. "This is standard operating procedure…"

I tilted my head back towards her with implication, raising one brow. "Oh yes. You are quite the survival expert. Vampire fiancé's and werewolf friends."

As I spoke the word fiancé, I felt a little thrill. It was petty, but it _was_ my appropriate title for now.

A variation on a theme. She glowered from the bag at the use of the word. She was beyond adorable. I smiled widely back at her, attempting to dazzle her. In that moment, as I watched her hop, I marveled at her ability to alter and affect my frequently shifting moods. My morning was torn into agonized pieces, but with her here with me, I felt whole and complete. I felt..._happy_.

Edward 1, Bella 1...it was a tie...

I chuckled at her again.

She rolled her eyes, turning away from me to resume her hopping. After completing a few successful hops, she turned her head to smirk at me, raising her brow. She was impressed by her own balance. Her teeth chattered in a spurt of quick, sharp noises. I gave her a look of concern. She stuck her tongue out at me. She was enjoying herself. She took two more careful hops towards the makeshift bed I'd set up for her.

She tried to lower herself to lie down on the bed and almost fell sideways. I rolled my eyes. I caught her swiftly and lowered her down on the impromptu bed.

"Bella...seriously..."

"What?" she smiled. "That was pretty good, admit it, Edward!"

I couldn't help but laugh. Her eyes were glowing with an almost childish light in them. I shamelessly admired her. She was completely enveloped in the tunnel of the sleeping bag. I smiled at her, only half-heartedly. She'd never looked more beautiful. She'd never looked so fragile. She let out a breath, resigning to her new, less dangerous position. Instantly, her scent swirled around me. I barely noticed the venom. I barely noticed the burn.

Just then, the loud moan from the forceful wind shook the tent with unprecedented ferocity. She looked back at me with wide eyes. And then, almost in immediate response, the temperature took a steady dip. I looked down at her delicate frame and for the first time felt a little fearful that the storm may be too much for her, perhaps we acted in haste coming this high up, this quickly. Would a lower elevation have been more appropriate for her?

The wind whistled. I broke from her gaze and listened to the force of the wind. There was a change, although it was slight. It would be below forty degrees soon.

"We'll be okay, Edward…" She said, sensing my concern.

In an effort to look courageous, she beamed at me, thinking thoughts I would never hear. The wind then blew the most elaborate gust yet, shaking the tent and rattling our provisions in the corner. The temperature dropped again. This time the noise startled her. Her brittle body moved as another uncontrollable shiver shook her.


	8. Chapter 22 Fire and Ice Part One

**I do not own Twilight, nor do I own any of the characters. All characters and themes referenced in Eclipse belong to Stephenie Meyer. Any quotations from Eclipse are purely for reference and are in no way an attempt at any copyright infringment.**

**Part one of Three. This is my favorite chapter of the whole book. I hope I did it justice.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

For the thirtieth time the wind howled causing the sides of the tent to shake violently, Bella shivered, and the outside temperature dropped just another fraction of a degree. It was now a fact, and no longer a figure of my wild imagination, that these three repetitive events were now working in concert with each other. Perhaps a conspiracy to drive me further into madness.

Of course, Bella was unwitting, but the universe was not. This tent was my personal hell and these demons worked in unison to complete my torturous trifecta of misery.

I closed my eyes and looked away from Bella's pale figure, staring aimlessly into the darkness of the tent. I'd already tried to lie to myself in an attempt to rationalize that her pallor was due to the contrast of her skin against the dark sleeping bag, but I knew it wasn't true. Bella was freezing to death and there as not a damn thing I could do about it. The position was impossible.

No. There was a solution. She could hold on for another three hours, I could escape this tent, scent trail be damned, and get her to safety...just a few _hours_...

_Hours...Hours...Hours...Hours..._

I scoffed. What a ridiculous word! Surely,_ more_ words were needed to summarize this increment of _time_, which for me, was becoming an institution of carefully measured torture!

_Time…Time...Time...Time..._

Another ridiculously inadequate word. It was true. Some words were just not enough.

I suppressed a sigh. Outward expressions of anxiety would do nothing to improve my situation.

We'd been here for nearly seven total hours or in more adequate terms, four-hundred and twenty minutes of agony. Or, even better...twenty-five thousand and two-hundred seconds of torture.

I was going mad and I was completely aware of it. I would have to stop this at some point, but when? It was complete and absolute self-denial to even pretend that I had any control over this situation. That resolution had been reached five hours or three hundred minutes ago when the temperature had finally plummeted to below freezing for a human. The fact of the matter now was that Bella _was_ freezing and there was _nothing_ I could do about it, but hope…and pray to whatever force was responsible for situations like this, for some leniency. All I needed was a few _hours_...some _time_...I growled and readjusted my position against the pole of the tent.

And then, in unison...the trifecta struck again. I closed my eyes at the sound of each of her teeth slamming against one another in nearly a dozen successive chatters. How much could her body handle of this? Could she hold on for three more hours?

She could make it, surely. It was the only option available.

Of course, I'd already tried to convince her to leave repeatedly, almost six hours or three hundred and sixty minutes ago. She'd vehemently refused each time. But, as the minutes had continued to progress on their inevitable, treacherous course, her adamant refusals became tired pleadings. For her sake, and to the detriment of my sanity, I'd officially stopped begging her three hours or one hundred and eighty minutes ago.

I'd considered simply bundling her and running for it, but it would do no good. Two hours, or one hundred and twenty minutes ago, I'd finally conceded that she was right. To leave was to risk further exposure, eliminating her chances. To stay was dangerous, but at least she was stationary and protected from the elements. Ultimately, her best chance of survival was right here. So, here we were. Bella was bundled in her oversized sleeping bag in one corner of the tent and I was stuck on the opposite side, separated once again by the very fact that I was...a vampire.

And, I was unable to remove my eyes from her delicate, white face.

I desperately wanted to comfort her. I had only felt such a agonized inclination in one other instance. She was close to death then too. But, this situation was far worse. It was impossible for me to even try to touch her or even sit next to her. I'd even briefly considered sitting outside the tent in an effort to remove some of the cold from the area, but she'd pleaded with me to stay. I couldn't say no to her eyes. She'd looked at me with a gaze that almost resembled fear. To leave now, even if it was for her own good, would mean _leaving her_...something I'd promised to never do again.

So, I'd decided to stay, but I'd left my position next to her side four hours or two-hundred and twenty minutes ago. I'd spoken to her until recently attempting to plead, reassure, and even apologize to her. This was entirely my fault. I should have prepared more adequately. I should have probed Alice further on the nature and severity of the storm. _If I were human…_

Enough. This wasn't helping.

But, it was hard to ignore that once again, in the most extreme of circumstances I was confronted with the facts. Facts Bella consistently avoided, facts that I was unable to forget, yet equally unable to rectify. My presence was a continued menace. One touch from me could surely have sent her body into shock, hurrying the inevitable, ruining her chances.

I looked back towards her, but I couldn't focus on her face anymore. I felt drained, over-emotional, helpless. Was I fighting fate trying to keep her alive? Even with the protection of the supernatural, the forces of nature conspired against her.

Five hours or three hundred minutes ago, I'd selfishly entertained the thought of how different things would be between us if she _was_ changed. I'd felt disgusted with myself. Her soul for my sanity? I shrugged away the thought and gazed at her again. I felt the temperature drop once more just a little. I strained my ears in astonishment, but I didn't wait long. The wind and her shiver were just lagging a little.

"W-w-w-w-w-w-w-what t-t-t-t-time is it?"

Her stutter broke my cynical concentration. I was grateful. For once, the silence of my own thoughts was unbearable. _Time_? Any word but that one…woefully insufficient...

I could see her eyes, opened in expectation. She was waiting for me to answer. Maybe she was thinking what I'd thought one hour or sixty minutes ago; if we left at dawn, I could run us for one hour north to the hospital in Port Angeles…

No. She didn't need any more supplications.

"Two." I replied.

In the silence, my voice sounded more haggard than I would have wished. I cleared my throat out of habit. She furrowed her brow at the sound. I heard a noise outside and flinched at the words that accompanied the rustling I should have recognized.

…_I am back, bloodsucker…this wind is getting worse…the temperature is still dropping, I can't believe it..._

Another wild gust shook the tent and of course, Bella shivered.

Excellent. Clearly, time could not torture me sufficiently, so the occupation was contracted to Jacob Black. Time was nothing if not efficient. Who better to finish me off? I scowled and looked across again at Bella. There was no need to announce his return.

He'd ventured out to check the perimeter fourteen times thus far for half hour increments each, providing me with short spaces of internal peace. There was something to be truly thankful for; two-hundred and ten minutes of this torture had been free of Jacob Black's ramblings! I was already annoyed at the realization that for the next half of another hour, or thirty minutes, I would be subjected to his incessant whining. It was not necessarily fair to feel so frustrated at him for he was truly worried about Bella. However, with his thoughts invading my mind my anxiety only increased; double the worry, double the fear, double the torture.

…_this isn't working, leech…she is going to die, or get hypothermia or something…_

I sighed. _Hypothermia _was the least of her worries. The wind howled again. Bella's eyes opened at the sound and another shiver shook her tiny frame, forcing her teeth together in wild convulsions. She was looking in my direction and for once, I was thankful that her eyes were weak and human. But, it made no difference. I could not move _my_ eyes from her. Her extreme ivory coloring illuminated her entire face in the darkness. She was almost glowing.

I leaned forward, hoping she could see me in the darkness.

"What can I do?" I asked.

She weakly shook her head at me. Of course, I could do nothing. I wrung my hands together, appreciative again that she couldn't see my body language. It would have only increased her anxiety. It was much better to sit in the darkness, sulking in the corner. Perhaps it was fitting. The clandestine monster.

The wind howled again, shaking the tent violently. Jacob let out a stentorian whine.

…_if you aren't going to do anything, I will…what the hell…something bad is going to happen to her if we don't think about this…she can't leave, but if she stays she will freeze…there has to be something we can do…_

No, Jacob Black. You are wrong. There was nothing we could do except wait. _Time_ was master of this situation. Welcome to my personal hell.

"G-g-g-get out of h-h-h-ere," she pleaded. Her voice was shaky from the cold and the concern.

…_does she not understand that I have a fur coat…the last thing she needs to worry about is me…I can't stand this crap anymore…_

I felt a little annoyed by his suppositions. _He_ couldn't handle it? I was watching the love of my life turn into an icicle. I rolled my eyes. I heard Bella squirm as if she was going to try to speak again. I tried to comfort her with my words, keeping her still and minimizing her exertions would be best.

"He's just worried about you, he's fine, Bella…his body is equipped to deal with this…" I offered, hoping my voice was consoling enough to compensate for the distance between us.

I saw her open her eyes and close then again. She was struggling to say something. What was she thinking? I wanted so badly to comfort her. An invisible barrier constrained me, separating the atrocity that was my freezing, lifeless skin from her feeble frame.

…_we have to do something…this is only just getting worse…she might die, bloodsucker, don't you get it?...she's human…I can't believe this…_

"What do you want me to do…carry her through that? I don't see you making yourself useful. Why don't you go fetch a space heater or something? " I growled at him.

I felt the defensive rumble begin in my chest. It was rough and menacing. But, I was too annoyed to bother with courtesy. The dog was out of line. Thoughtless mongrel!

"I'm o-k-k-k-k-kay," she protested.

"…_Oh, Bells….I can't stand this…"_

Jacob howled dramatically. I groaned in frustration at them both. Was it truly so difficult for him to maintain some aspect of his composure? Surely, the last thing she needed in her condition was his anxiety.

I leaned back against the pole of the tent again. It was icy even against my skin.

An explosive wind ripped the tent. Another loud chatter ripped through her and Jacob howled. Was I going to have to console them both? Her eyes were wide with something; was it concern or fear? _Damnit, Jacob…_

I rolled my eyes.

"That was hardly necessary." I mumbled.

…_I am going to have to come in there and do something, bloodsucker…I have another jacket out here…if she doesn't have more clothing she's going to freeze to freaking death…_

Brilliant, Jacob. A parka would do nothing for her right now.

"And, that's the worst idea I've ever heard…" I called out to him, hoping he could hear the undertones of condescension. Patience was the only weapon against time, something he didn't possess.

Another chatter shook her. In a panic, I realized she actually sounded worse. I began sorting through my memories of her condition from the time we'd arrived to now. Yes, she was getting worse.

…_whatever, I am transitioning…_

Great, as if he couldn't possibly annoy me more. Suddenly, his thoughts were blocked from me as he pushed through his transition. It lasted for a second, but I noticed the odd change in his "voice" as he transitioned. It was as if he became more "human" as he changed, which made a little bit of sense.

"Better than anything you've come up with. _Go fetch a space heater!_ I am not a St. Bernard," he said.

Close enough. I rolled my eyes. His tone was defiant and almost childish.

Suddenly, Jacob approached the tent and unzipped it. As he stepped through the gap, a cold draft seeped through bringing his vile scent towards me in a rush. My instincts rose in active repulsion. He was barely clothed standing in the tent, parka in hand. Our eyes immediately met. Something was off. I searched his mind, but his thoughts were still filled with the parka and Bella's condition. Was he avoiding something intentionally again?

Bella shivered at the gust and I averted his gaze to inspect her with my eyes. If his presence was irritating her, or making her worse from his unguarded anxiety, I could ask him to leave based on her feelings alone. Bella would understand. I felt a twinge of frustration at my assumption. Would she understand? I was not so certain. Regardless, the last thing I needed was Jacob in this small tent. It simply wasn't big enough for two supernatural creatures, even if he was human at the moment.

"I don't like this," I hissed. "Just give her the coat and get out."

…_watch it bloodsucker…_

Jacob stared at me with a smirk, "The parka's for tomorrow – she's too cold to warm it up by herself. It's frozen," he said, dropping the parka at the entrance. It was true; it hit the ground with a resounding thud. It was practically frozen, "you said she needed a space heater, and here I am…"

A rueful smile crept onto his mouth.

…_don't _you _want her to live?...actually, thanks are in order…_

He was taunting me with his thoughts and staring at me in provocation. He spread his large, muscular arms wide as if to present himself in a manner that would possibly induce me to accept his suggestion.

Bella shifted to peer at him, her mind was working slower than usual. She looked confused.

"J-J-J-J-Jake, you'll f-f-f-freez-z-z-ze," Bella stuttered.

"Not me," he said cheerfully. "I run at a toasty one-oh-eight point nine these days. I'll have you sweating in no time." He smiled and twitched his brow at the double entendre.

…_in fact, leech…I am not sure your needed here anymore…_

I blocked his taunts. Then suddenly, I understood. The parka was a ploy, his intentions were three-fold; help her live, use this opportunity, and torture me further. I could not refuse him and he knew it.

Apparently three was my lucky number.

…_you could turn me away, bloodsucker…I am sure Bella would understand...I mean if you're that selfish...or, if you can't handle it…_

I snarled at him, low and feral. It was a warning. But, it was also resignation. And, once again, I watched as Jacob Black was going to fulfill another role for Bella that I could not. His plan was ingenious. What could I do? I could not turn him away. He smiled at me as if he sensed my resignation and moved closer, averting his eyes to Bella. A small crease formed on his brow as he took in her weak, pale frame.

…_this is much worse than I thought…thank God I was here…I am going to need to stay close…_

I narrowed my eyes, watching him closely. In a second, he leaned down and attempted to unzip her bag. No. Was he serious? I blinked as if to adjust my eyes. He was serious.

I was on my feet and at her side in a fraction of a second. His instincts felt me approach before his human mind registered I was as close as I was. I felt his hackles raise in response to my approach. I would not escalate this situation, however. Particularly with Bella in between us.

_…whoa…_

I carefully reached down and placed a restraining hand on his hard shoulder, he met my eyes immediately. His jaw snapped together, he flared his nostrils, and flexed his torso in defense. My lips instinctively pushed back from my teeth, but I tightened my mouth in an effort to resist. From the corner of my eye, I saw that Bella was watching us. We stared each other down.

…_get your…_

"Get your hand off me," he growled.

The tension rippled through his voice. He was unpredictable, wild. He could keep her warm, but there was no reason to make this situation completely intolerable. Could I trust him? Absolutely not. This would only work if he behaved himself. Was he even evolved enough as an individual to comprehend, let alone truly possess, self-control? No, he was not.

Bella shivered in between us, her teeth smashing together in an unnatural sound. Was my proximity making her colder? Did her human mind calculate my presence as well? I needed to retreat for her sake. But, Jacob Black needed to understand my limits…

"Keep your hands off her," I warned. My fists were clenched and my jaw was tight. _Control, Edward._

…_back off me, leech or I will leave…_

"D-d-d-d-don't f-f-f-fight," Bella begged.

…_she sounds really bad…_Jacob thought, sincerity pushing through his anger.

Between his genuine concern and her dire condition, I was rendered completely useless. My will caved, but I could not move. My instincts kept me immobile for another second. Jacob sensed my indecision, peering at me with a mixture of contempt and concern in his eyes.

"I am sure she will thank you for this when her toes turn black and drop off," Jacob snapped.

_…and they will turn black and fall off if you don't let me help her…back off..._

I could not stand in the way of her only salvation. But…No. I flinched at the understanding. It was the only way. I narrowed my eyes one last time and backed slowly into my clandestine corner.

"Watch yourself," I warned.

He chuckled in response.

…_whatever…_

Jacob took in Bella's desperate condition and sighed. He leaned down and unzipped the bag further exposing her to the cold air. She shivered again. I watched him slide into the bag.

…_Jesus, she's freezing even from here…_

"Scoot over, Bella," he said, angling his feet into the bag and pushing her forward.

In response, she looked back at his face, her eyes wide with confusion. She'd clearly not understood his intention. I felt a brief wave of gratitude, she was also clearly uncomfortable.

"N-n-n-n-n," she tried.

She didn't want him near. Should I act?

…_oh god, she can't be serious…_

Jacob stared back at her.

"Don't you like having ten toes?" he asked.

In a quick movement, he slid sideways into the bag and then angled his right arm downward to force the zipper shut.

…_ugh, she's freaking cold…this is going to take all night…_

Bella's eyes slowly closed in relief. Relief I hoped was brought on by the sudden warmth, the warmth that would save her for me. I watched him closely as his arms snaked around her underneath the bag.

_…ugh…_He winced in discomfort. That was reassuring.

"Jeez, Bella…you're freezing!" he whined.

"S-s-s-s-sorry," she replied.

Her eyes were shut tightly. I hoped she was trying to focus somehow on absorbing as much heat from him as possible. Was she trying to speed up the process so that she could banish him quicker? Or was some part of her enjoying this at all? I shrugged, ridding myself of the thoughts. _Focus, Edward…_

"Try to relax," he suggested. "You'll warm up in a minute. Of course, you'd warm up faster if you took your clothes off." He was grinning either at the prospect or at the intimacy of their positions.

I growled sharply. I shook my head infinitesimally in an effort to rid myself of the instantaneous fury that rose in my chest and threatened to destroy my control in one fell swoop. A brief fascination invaded my mind. I could tear him apart right here, removing that grin permanently. I would need approximately seven seconds to move from my position in the corner, rip him effortlessly from the bag, and decapitate him. Surely that would compensate for the last twenty-five thousand, two hundred that I'd spent in this damn tent. The corners of my mouth twitched, but I refused to give him the satisfaction of believing that his ridiculous assertions were getting to me.

Thankfully, for him at least, he sensed the violence of my anger.

_…calm down, leech…I am just _trying_ to help her…_he defended.

"That's just a simple fact. Survival one-oh-one," he said. He met my eyes again. I narrowed them further. It was the only warning I could provide him.

…_of course, you wouldn't know that because you aren't actually alive…and you certainly aren't human…_

"C-c-c-cut it out, Jake," she said. "N-n-n-nobody really n-n-n-n-needs all ten toes."

Did she sound annoyed? I brightened a little at the prospect that his presence was unwanted for her. I didn't let myself feel too satisfied. Perhaps she would not care for anyone, including me, to be so close to her when she was as uncomfortable as she was?

Jacob peered down at her from over her head and grinned smugly, relishing his position to comfort her. He snuggled further into the bag.

"Don't worry about the bloodsucker, he's just jealous," he turned his eyes back to me, grinning. She didn't respond, only tightened her eyes further.

…_it's okay, bloodsucker…actually, I am surprised you can feel at all…maybe you should enjoy it while it lasts…she'll remember…_

I blocked him again. _Yes, she will remember, because hopefully Jacob Black you will be nothing but a memory._ As if I was blinded by anger until now, his intentions suddenly became clearer. He was going to attempt to lobby his position at this moment, perhaps to remind her of the humanity that she would lose? Would he try to do his best to fill this role in an effort to gain some leverage with her? Was this his trump card? Surely not. _Well, Jacob Black, two can play this game._

I forced my eyes to smile at him, knowing that he could see me clearly in the dark.

"Of course I am." I taunted back, my voice almost a croon. "You don't have the faintest idea how much I wish I could do what you're doing for her, mongrel."

…_wow…was he going to admit that he couldn't be there for her the way I can?...nice…_

He grinned smugly, relishing in my admission.

"Well, those are the breaks…" he said.

I smiled back as sweetly as I could manage. My centuries of living behind masks was truly work to my advantage. His smile faded and his eyes tightened.

_…he's making fun of me…he knows she loves him…_

"At least you know she wishes it was you," he spat.

My mask was working. I felt the corner of my mouth turn upwards a little. In the most nonchalant manner I could muster, I responded.

"True,"

I could only hope with all of my being that his words were true.


	9. Chapter 22 Fire and Ice Part Two

**I do not own Twilight, nor do I own any of the characters. The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any references to dialogue from Eclipse are purely for reference. This story is in no way an attempt at copyright infringement.**

**Part Two of Three. This is my favorite chapter of the entire series. It carries the most intense dialogue of Eclipse. It is deeply revealing and incredibly interpretive. I think fans love to think of Edward as this sensitive yet chauvinistic übersmensch, but the reality in the story is that Edward is terribly a dualistic and constantly conflicted character. **

**I had so much fun with this. Enjoy.**

* * *

Continued from Chapter 22 – Fire and Ice, Part One...

_"At least you know she wishes it was you," He spat._

_My mask was working. I felt the corner of my mouth turn upwards a little. In the most nonchalant manner I could muster, I responded._

_"True,"_

_I could only hope with all of my being that his words were true..._

* * *

Jacob's thoughts were beyond annoying. In fact, they'd begun to carefully creep along the border between insulting and disgusting. I'd tried to focus on the infinitesimal sounds of the storm, the wind, the rushing moisture of the snow, the subtle crashing of the conflicting air temperatures; cold against freezing. But, ultimately, it was Bella's heartbeat that was securing my lifeline to sanity. And, Bella's heartbeat was also saving Jacob's life. _Repeatedly_. It was only natural; he'd saved her life tonight…so, _after_ tonight, they would be even.

But, that didn't mean I couldn't _dream_. Well, I couldn't _really_ dream, but I could in my own way. It was wrong. I knew it. I blamed it on my instincts and felt justified by telling myself that despite these urges, I would refrain from crushing Jacob Black's smug face into an indistinguishable pile of bone and skin.

It would only take seven seconds! A very short time. Seven seconds and it would all be over. I grinned to myself as I considered my impossible option. But, eventually, the vision lost its luster, since I could no longer avoid the tiny detail that rendered the entire prospect hopeless: Bella's reaction. Even in my imagination, causing her pain was beyond excruciating.

So, after enjoying my vivid imagination's various versions of Jacob Black's death, I'd given up the whole charade. Instead, I'd decided to intently focus on the little thumps of Bella's life. My entire world revolved around its musical rhythm, especially now. Naturally, I'd succeeded in blocking his heartbeat out entirely. No need for additional reminders of his existence…

…_thump-thump…thump-thump…_

Ah…yes. My refuge, my peace, my sanity.

It didn't block him out entirely, but it was a formidable distraction. Of course, this presented another problem. After I'd renewed my focus, and my dedication to abstaining from breaking his face…_in seven seconds_…his constant interruptions were an almost flagrant provocation. They were consistently breaking through her beautiful sound: loud, obnoxious, shameful, and achingly tender thoughts. But, I held my tongue…and my hands, right in their place, clenched at my side. Nothing was worth having if it wasn't worth working for, right? I would earn the pleasure of hearing her heartbeat…

…_I wonder what she's thinking right now about me being here with him…when we were down at the beach, she told me…-…I wonder if Charlie ever told her that he knew I really liked her…I mean…-_

Ugh. He was almost as consumed with his love for Bella as…well, as I was. I didn't like that. It was irritating. I focused.

_…thump-thump…thump-thump…_

…_this feels amazing…she's cold, but I can feel her skin warming slowly…she's so soft...her hair smells so good…_

…_thump-thump…thump-thump…_

…_like…almost like strawberries…_

I sighed and cast a look at Bella. She was falling asleep. I couldn't feel her warmth in the room yet, but I was sure it would return. Her scent would return soon as well, of course, much quicker if I killed Jacob now…but, well…_ find another consolation…_

…_so pretty…I wish I could see her face better…ha…although she is kind of glowing…if I didn't know better I would think she was almost dead…still pretty..._

Idiot. I groaned inwardly. He was becoming impossible to tolerate. But, I did have one other consolation and that was the knowledge that Seth Clearwater was due to arrive shortly. Perhaps I would not have to be confined to Jacob Black's thoughts for the entirety of this dreadful night! _Perhaps I would not have to kill him for the sake of my sanity…_

Another gust of wind shook the tent violently and Jacob and I looked at each other, listening. Bella shuddered, but…with less intensity. I looked away from Jacob Black's gaze. He could interpret the gesture as he wished. After all, I could ignore the smoldering thoughts, perhaps even the tension in his eyes, but the image of him – his body pressed so closely next to her, in such an intimate position - pushed my frustrations to the edges of their carefully maintained boundaries. _Seven seconds…_

I peered at him from the corner of my eye. It appeared as if he'd nearly forgotten my presence, although I was sure he could still smell me. Did he realize it would only take seven seconds? Did he truly trust my love for her so implicitly? Well, he should. I would never hurt her, but was he taking it for granted? Using it to his advantage? I wasn't sure. Was he intentionally attempting to irritate me with these machinations, or was he so lost in the moment that he failed to realize I could hear _everything_ he was thinking? Surely it was the latter. I saw his arm shift slightly. He was holding her closer to him. My fists had a mind of their own and I watched them with surprise as they continually clenched and unclenched with a deliberate methodology. I didn't stop them. The clenching, the pressure, the controlled movement _was_ helpful. Between the movement and her heartbeat, I _could _handle this -

"There," Jacob murmured, obviously pleased with himself. "Feeling better?"

Bella opened her eyes at the sound of his words and blinked a few times, attempting to answer his question honestly. She was still so pale, so lovely.

"Yes…" she said.

I searched her face in suspicion. Was this another attempt to disguise her true condition? I couldn't be sure. Although she was still luminous, it was true that she was not shaking anymore. She did sound a _little_ better. I fought a smile as I realized that for the first time in five hours, or three hundred minutes, she'd actually spoken a full word free from chattering. I longed to tease her about it. Maybe later. The chattering would have been incredibly endearing, actually, if it had only lasted for a brief period and not for the entirety of one of the worst nights of my existence. And, this _was_ one of the worst nights of my existence.

…_she does look better actually…although she should be closer just in case…her lips are still blue, but I could warm them up…_

"Your lips are still blue," he simpered, with animated concern. "Want me to warm those up for you, too? You only have to ask," he smirked, looking into her expression as if they were the only ones in this small, aromatic tent.

His eyes quickly darted to mine, but I averted them. _Provocation is not wise, Jacob._ I felt Bella's gaze then. I realized that his glare was in response to Bella's visual search for me in the darkness. I lowered my head, focusing on nothing. I had the fleeting fear that she was searching for permission, but that was unlikely. It was _worse_. Her search for me was for reassurance, reassurance I was in no condition to provide her with; to remove myself from my cloaked position would do more harm than good.

"Behave yourself," she muttered, sensing my discomfort.

She snuggled against him closer, angling her face toward his. My mind reeled as I peered at her face, assessing each of her movements. _Was_ she going to kiss him? What would I actually _do_ if she _did_ kiss him? Would she expect me to endure it? _Of course not!_ I tensed and for a fraction of a second I considered moving toward them.

Then, Bella pressed her white cheek against his shoulder and he drew back away from it as if she'd burned him.

…_ugh!…damn it…she's freezing…_

A sly smile crept up on her face and although she could not see me, I knew it was for my benefit. She was punishing him. My chest shook as I fought a sincere chuckle, both at her genuine attempt to dish out any form of revenge for his insulting behavior, and at my own madness. I felt a strange emotion…was it pride? Had I ever done anything to deserve her? No. Of course not.

I watched her silently as she shifted her weight, rubbing her feet together to remove her shoes. I moved slightly, wanting to help her, but I withdrew. My closeness would irritate them both. As I slid back into my corner, I watched Bella press her feet and her legs against Jacob, searing his skin with hers. I thoroughly enjoyed his discomfort.

…_ughhhhh!...maybe she just wants to touch me…it's not like she can ask with him sitting there watching everything…_

He convinced himself of this fact easily. Jacob leaned his head down to her shoulder, angling his face to her cheek. He closed his eyes when his face met hers. It was too intimate, but I did not intercede.

…_hmph…she's just trying to be polite for the leech…if he weren't here who knows what we would be doing right now…her nose is so cute from this angle…I wonder if I've told her that…no, there is so much I've never told her…I've never had enough time…-_

I blocked him again, but only through great effort. I could still hear him, but his voice began to take on a familiar muffled quality. Her heart was stronger. I simultaneously focused on both her rhythm and my internal recitation of the facts: Bella was recovering. Bella was warm, we were safe from further threats, and Jacob's presence _was_ necessary for now, but it had no degree of permanence…

The howling wind broke my meditation. The change in air pressure was different somehow and the intensity had lessened. This time the temperature did not relent as it had the previous thirty-six times. I tilted my head to focus. I was no weather expert, but perhaps my previous calculations had been correct. Dawn would break soon enough…

…_.she almost kissed me…her lips are so nice even when they're blue…if she…-_

I heard him, but I didn't _listen_. I felt a grim satisfaction. I'd know it all along. Time _was_ the master of this situation, but_ patience_ was the master of time. My best bet was to wait. Wait for her to recover, wait for the storm to completely pass, and wait for Jacob Black to serve his purpose. _Wait_. Another incredibly inadequate word! But…I _could _do that.

"Jake?" Bella slurred, speaking with her eyes closed. I averted my gaze to her face, watching her from the corner of my eye. I was careful not to move. I wasn't exactly sure how much of me Jacob could see in the darkness. His senses had to be advanced enough to see me. For now, I hoped he could not.

"Can I ask you something? I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything, I'm honestly curious," Bella said.

…_will she ask me now?...oh, the look on his face…_"Sure…" he responded_…jerk?...why would she be a jerk?...jerk to me, or jerk to him…those were the same words I used…_

"Why are you so much furrier than your friends? You don't have to answer if I'm being rude," she asked. She was speaking, but only in very weak words. She would be asleep soon enough and, hopefully, he would follow right after.

…_why would she wonder that?..._"Because my hair is longer," he said too quickly. He moved his head downward to tickle her with his long, unkempt hair. But, she didn't respond to his playfully intimate gesture. Not even a giggle._ I_ surely would have gotten at least that.

"Oh." she responded. "Then why don't you cut it? Do you like to be shaggy?"_…shaggy?...I thought she liked it when it was longer, maybe not as long enough for a full tie-back, but she always seemed to like it in the sun…I don't even like it when it's this long, but I could have sworn she'd…_

_Oh. Poor Jacob Black_. I chuckled quietly, unwilling to restrain my amusement. I could no longer contain myself. Laughing at his expense was a temporary relief. It occurred to me that even if I had wanted to taunt him, anything I would have said would have been inadequate compared to what Bella's innocent inquiries were capable of inspiring. His thoughts were embarrassed. He heard my chuckle and stared at me, narrowing his eyes, understanding what I'd intercepted.

"Sorry," she yawned. "I didn't mean to pry. You don't have to tell me." Bella said as her eyes closed in fatigue. She was completely oblivious, of course. I tried to stifle another laugh as I felt his gaze intensify. From the corner of my eye, I saw him look back down at Bella, again, trying to avoid my presence.

"Oh, he'll tell you anyways, so I might as well…I was growing my hair out because…."_…how do I say this so that I don't sound stupid?..."_it seemed like you liked it better long," he said.

"Oh, I, er, like it both ways, Jake," she stuttered. "You don't need to be…inconvenienced."

Immediately, he glanced back at me, I screwed my eyes upwards, gazing at the suddenly interesting connection point of the poles. My grin was impossible to suppress. It _was_ truly amusing after all.

…_I bet you are enjoying this aren't you bloodsucker?...well, at least I have the option…you'll be stuck with that hair for the rest of your…existence…_he thought.

He had a point, but I still couldn't help feel a little satisfied. It was petty.

"Turns out it was very convenient tonight, so don't worry about it," he said._…in fact a lot was pretty convenient about tonight…_

I rolled my eyes and hoped he could see me this time. In fact, I was pretty sure that he could.

…_she is so small and delicate…even from here she feels so good…every inch of her is warming up now…_

"That's right honey go to sleep," Jacob whispered, his head slightly leaning on her head intimately.

Bella sighed and at his words, but the tension in the sleeping bag seemed to relax a little, her left leg sliding from its position directly parallel to her right as she lay on her side. She was falling asleep.

…_I wish he wasn't here, I would take her softly into my arms and caress her face, holding her tightly to let her know…_

…_thump-thump…thump-thump…_

Again, another fierce push of wind shook the tent, but this time it was clear that the temperature was stabilizing, resisting against the force of the storm. I looked towards Bella but she did not chatter, or shiver this time, either. It was official. My inauspicious trifecta of misery was defeated. I was victorious; Bella would survive.

I closed my eyes in thankful prayer. I knew that the person that should be receiving my gratitude was sitting right in front of me. But, truly, how could I possibly thank him in a way that would not incite his already suspicious mind? I was thankful for his help, for his dedication to keeping Bella safe. In fact, as I'd told him before, I owed him for the rest of my existence. Even if we _were_ enemies. But, this was no time to collect debts.

A distant howl suddenly filled the air, holding its own against the whirling winds; it was Seth Clearwater. He was only a few hundred yards away. As he approached, I caught Sam's directions in his thoughts: _Seth, clear the area and just run a perimeter search…_

Seth, in response, directed his thoughts to me, still unsure what I could and could not overhear: _Edward Cullen, if you can hear me, the storm is not going to pass yet, but it is easing up, I know that Jake is with you, so I am going to run a perimeter search…_

"Seth is here," I muttered, acknowledging Seth's message and informing Jacob, although the possibility of him leaving was unlikely.

"Perfect. Now you can keep an eye on everything else, while I take care of your girlfriend for you." Jacob said, smiling from ear to ear, taunting me further in his thoughts as he visualized a very vivid image of Bella in the sleeping bag, enjoying his touch, asking him for more, arching her back toward him, kissing his neck. The vision was too vivid, too possible. A low growl began to form in my chest.

…_Don't get angry, leech...she'll wake up and then I'll have to start over again…rocking her to sleep…_

"Stop it," Bella muttered, her brow creased slightly for a second as she tried to think, groggy and sleepy. Her frown slowly relaxed into a peaceful position.

As if I had forced her words from her, his narrowed eyes met mine in the darkness, assessing blame, confirming my suspicions that he_ could_see me. As we locked eyes, the wind howled loudly and I caught a strong dose of Seth's scent. Jacob involuntarily flared his nostrils; he'd caught the smell too. He twitched his human features until they morphed into brief animalistic characterizations and back again.

My dark humor could not ignore the absurdity of this situation. We were two utterly ridiculous _creatures_. Mortal enemies confined to a tent, staring each other down. Something must have flashed across my face because he intensified his gaze. But for some impulsive reason this time, I couldn't look away from him. He narrowed his eyes infinitesimally as if to intimidate me. I was fascinated. Was he trying to stare me down? Were we to make a competitive sport of every interaction? I heard Seth again: _Edward Cullen, the perimeter is clear. I am going to wait out here…_

I had no way to acknowledge Seth, but I nodded out of habit anyway. Jacob's thoughts began to permeate my mind again and I knew I couldn't hold his gaze. I surrendered from his petty game and stared at the poles of the tent, which began to shake again with another howl of the wind. It was the right choice. Reducing the visual reality of his proximity to her as he thought his lewd fantasies would surely help.

My resignation plastered a smirk on Jacob's face. I saw him close his eyes and rest his head on the blankets. And then…Jacob _really _began to fantasize. I tried to block the images, but it seemed as if they were getting stronger. I tried to focus on Seth's mind, but it was too quiet. Jacob's thoughts were so loud I couldn't focus on Bella's heart. In a panic, I realized I could focus on _nothing_ but his visions.

_Bella was the aggressor. She crawled towards him on her hands and knees with an uncharacteristic, sultry look, dressed in small, lacy pink undergarments, her delicate cleavage was sliding along his abdomen, her mouth kissing his skin, her lips reached his mouth, she moaned his name as she nibbled his bottom lip, pulling his hand from his side to encourage him, she began to touch her own ample cleavage with his palm... _

My careful veneer crumbled in a furious pulse, "Please!" I hissed, "Do you_ mind_!?"

I couldn't handle it anymore. The fury welled in waves. I fought for control. My mind raced, thousands of questions stirring my anger and disgust. Was he emboldened by my submission or by the intimacy of his position with Bella in his arms? Was he becoming _excited_ at the thought of her in that position? While she was so close? I would have to act! Why were they so strong as if they were real? Impossible. Perhaps it was the force of emotion behind the visions that added to their intensity?

I winced as I tried to push the image away.

Was he not aware of my ability to intercept this ridiculous fantasy? Truly, was his presence in her life so crucial that I should be required to tolerate his vile, insulting, and vulgar machinations? Does _she_ honestly expect me to refrain from tearing the mongrel apart? _Yes, she does…_

His image swirled in my head, my disgust grew in strength. I renewed my commitment to distraction, practically willing myself to focus on anything but that image. But, I couldn't do it. I closed my eyes trying to rid it away again.

…_what?..._"What?" He asked, opening his eyes as his head lay against her face, innocence carefully positioned on his brow.

He was mocking me. He wanted to force me to react to him. I looked away from his eyes and suddenly felt oddly satisfied. The image of Bella he had was drastically different than the image I had seen of her with my own eyes, flushed, excited, and begging me to touch her. He'd had it wrong. He didn't know her at all. His vision focused on things that were secondary. Her blush, her eyes, her scent, her lips weren't detailed enough…it was all _wrong_. My satisfaction waned as his thoughts wandered to his forcefully inaccurate version of Bella and me together. He was curious about us.

That should have satisfied me again, but, I could no longer control my _own_ fantasies. My visions of tearing his head from his body in one clean stroke returned. Seven seconds. I had to give him the option to stop.

"Do you think you could attempt to control your thoughts?" I whispered.

"No one said you had to listen! Get out of my head," he spouted, embarrassed.

"I wish I could. You have no idea how loud your little fantasies are. It's like you're shouting them at me," I admitted, hoping he would not use this against me later.

…_I have the ability to truly show her what I feel…ouch, that must hurt, bloodsucker…but, wait…can you even do anything…ha…_

"I'll try to keep it down," Jacob whispered, petulance in his tone.

…_you must be jealous of a lot, actually...even now, with me here with her, I know that she would love me too…he is jealous of course…which is why he can't even look at me with her… …admit it, you are jealous of me aren't you?_

"Yes," I answered him. My head swam with his verbal acknowledgements of the truth I'd always struggled with. I was jealous of him, and, mostly for reasons he would never comprehend. He was human. I was not.

…_Yes?…I knew it…you can't even make love to her like I could…I would make her so much happier…I could love her in ways you never could…you have to be jealous of that!..._

"I'm jealous of that, too," I said, keeping my tone even, light.

"I figured it was like that," Jacob whispered, smugly. "Sort of evens the playing field up a little, doesn't it?" He grinned.

"In your dreams." I had to chuckled at that. I could show Bella intimacy, not in the way I _truly_ wanted, but I could still show her. My visions of Bella were of Bella in all of her beauty. She was not an object, she was my existence. But, the jealousy still raged in like a rabid fire.

…_that's why she shouldn't be with you, leech…you can't make her happy…and you know it…_

"You know she could still change her mind," Jacob taunted. "Considering all the things I could do with her that you can't. At least, not without killing her, that is."

I looked at him as he closed his eyes, a peaceful smirk spreading across his face. If this was the worst of his taunts, I could survive without ripping him to shreds. Sadly, he was right about so much. And, I would be a fool to try to ignore it. He could offer her more. She still could change her mind…

Just then, Bella stirred against him slightly, which seemed to encourage his visions.

_Bella and Jacob, laying on the beach in La Push, the sun shining down on them, Bella comatose with pleasure, Jacob kissing her neck, caressing her breasts underneath her shirt, Bella wringing her hands through his hair, moaning in ecstasy as he kissed her furiously…"Oh, Bella…you are so beautiful…"_

I took a deep breath to flush away the image. Up until this point, I'd exercised a incredible expenditure of self-control and I would not let his ridiculous daydreams get the best of me. _Control! _

"Go to sleep, Jacob," I murmured. "You're starting to get on my nerves."

"I think I will. I'm really very comfortable," He said, shrugging.

I looked across at Bella again. She looked exhausted and almost peaceful, but it appeared as if the slight frown was still there. I squinted and pushed myself forward slightly in an effort to see. It was unnecessary, but confirmatory. Yes, it was either a frown, or the way her head was leaning against Jacob's arm. I couldn't be sure, but I found strength in the prospect that this situation with Jacob, this _necessary evil_, was perhaps as painful for her too. Well, maybe not painful, because some part of her enjoyed the company of Jacob Black...

…_of course, how much fun could she truly have being with him?...he's not human, he doesn't even seem happy when he's with her…well, maybe he does love her, but it's not a happy love…he has to be jealous of the way we look at each other, the way we actually seem to enjoy being around one another, she smiles at me in this certain way…well, her smile…does he see the way she smiles at me? he has to know, too…is he blind?...that's how I know she does love me whether she knows it or not…_

Suddenly, Jacob opened his eyes and peered across at me, almost as if in that instant he decided that although he was not guarding his thoughts, he would actively choose to communicate with me through them. I had been carefully focusing on the darkness in the adjacent corner, but he knew I was listening.

…_bloodsucker, I know you are listening…I want to know the truth…the truth you won't tell her…of course, you probably can't handle the tough questions…but you should at least be man…er, whatever…please...and at least think about answering me one thing… _

I shot him a piercing glare, but it wasn't a warning. His tone confused me. It was not vitriolic as usual, but it was not unkind either - it were almost _curious_. He sounded, almost, desperately inquisitive.

…_I have to know…would you at least think about answer me…_

He was pushing me, sure, but there was genuine feeling behind his inquiry. There was a quality to his questions, his mental tone, and his self-assurance that I could not pinpoint. I felt suddenly curious, too.

"Maybe I would…" I answered. Jacob narrowed his eyes at my response. I heard confusion and surprise wash through him. What was he hoping to achieve?

"But, would you be honest?" he asked.

His tone again, was unguarded and even vulnerable. Had Jacob ever once let his defenses down long enough to try to understand me, my relationship with Bella, or how I felt about our situation? Was this an opportunity? Would I have this opportunity again? I looked across at Bella; she _was_ sleeping soundly. If I let my guard down, would he push too far? _Tread carefully..._

"You can always ask and see." I responded, noncommittally.

_...okay…that's fair…_"Well, you see inside my head"…_whether I like it or not_…"let me see inside yours tonight, it's only fair," Jacob said. His expression grew softer. _"It's only fair…"_ he said, his words reverberating in my mind.

The tone was still curious, but there was something more. Something I was missing. I could not pinpoint it. I felt irritated by the exchange, suddenly confused by the overtones I couldn't decipher. What was it in his voice, in his thoughts that was eluding me? What did he want to know?

"Your head is full of questions. Which one do you want me to answer?" I prodded, preparing to hear his thoughts before he would speak them.

…_I want to know what you think about me laying here with…_"The jealousy…it has to be eating at you. You can't be as sure of yourself as you seem. Unless you have no emotions at all."

"Of course it is." I glared at him.

I knew he wanted to force me to react to him. To him, breaking my careful façade would equal immediate victory. He was playing dirty. Had he intentionally lowered the tone of his thoughts to lower my defenses? Surely, he was not so clever. He was going to antagonize me. My frustration at his determination to destroy my resolve surged again, and I fought to control my tone.

"Right _now_, it's so bad that I can barely control my voice."

…_ahhhh…well, when we are together…it's even better…this is nothing…_

I cut him off. "Of course, it's even worse when she's away from me, with you, and I can't see her." I added. I tightened my eyes in an effort to further demonstrate my level of irritation. Truthfully, I was irritated with myself, how could I have been so blind as to not see his taunts coming?

"Do you think about it all the time?" Jacob whispered_.…when she's away from me, I always think of her…_

"Yes and no," I said evenly. "My mind doesn't work quite the same as yours. I can think of many more things at one time. Of course, that means that I'm always able to think of you, always able to wonder if that's where her mind is, when she's quiet and thoughtful."

…_do you think she thinks about me?...does she ever, well…does she ever seem like she's missing me, or thinking about me…even when she's with you?..._

The memory of Bella's frantic voice as she tried to contact him after I'd left her house flooded me. I twisted myself from its hold.

"Yes, I would guess that she thinks about you often. More often than I like. She worries that you're unhappy. Not that you don't know that. No, that you don't _use_ that." He knew my words were true. Too often he'd used his relationship with Bella to his own advantage and I despised him for it.

…_well, I … she's not… _"I have to use whatever I can." He responded, justifying. "I am not working with your advantages"…_I don't mean that you are better than me…_

I raised my brow at his back-peddling. He frowned.

"Advantages…" he clarified. "Like knowing that she's in love with you."

"That helps," I agreed, thinking of her acceptance of my proposal. I fought the elation that the image provoked, but a slight grin still appeared and Jacob misinterpreted.

"She's in love with me, too, you know…" he said, exasperated. He looked down at her face with an expression of longing that reminded me of my own. "She just _doesn't _know it."

The image of Bella reaching for his hand crowded in from his mind. He was holding on to those moments. They impacted me as well and my mood shifted at his verbalization. How could I avoid it? He was right, a part of Bella did love Jacob. That was certain.

"I can't tell if you're right," I said quietly, acknowledging the strength and truth in his memories.

He stiffened at my words and his expression changed. My uncertainty gave him hope.

"Does that bother you? Do you wish you could see what she's thinking, too?"

"Yes…and no, again. She likes it better this way, and, although it sometimes drives me insane, I'd rather she was happy." It was true.

Jacob said nothing, but his thoughts became jumbled as he considered what it would be like to read her mind. I was reading him until the wind ripped around the tent again. I shifted my gaze to Bella, but she was safe. No chatter. I was suddenly grateful as I saw Jacob shrug her closer, automatically protective. He wasn't doing it to irritate me, he was following his _own_ instincts.

"Thank you," I whispered. "Odd as this might sound, I suppose I am glad you're here, Jacob."

"You mean, 'as much as I'd love to kill you, I'm glad she's warm', right?" he said.

Taking him in I realized what I could not pinpoint in his tone before. The look of him, his eyes, his expression, it all made sense. Jacob Black was a _child._ That's what I'd missed. A child. I fought the pity I now felt for him. Was it possible to envy _and _pity the same person?

"It's an uncomfortable truce, isn't it?" I said, smiling at my own cynicism.

His thoughts grew confident, "I knew you were just as crazy jealous as I am."

"I'm not such a fool to wear it on my sleeve like you do. It doesn't help your case, you know," I said. I wasn't giving him tips. He was incapable of masking his jealousy. _Practice makes perfect…_

"You have more patience than I do…"

"I should. I've had a hundred years to gain it. A hundred years of waiting for _her_."

"So…"…_god, that's creepy_…"at what point did you decide to play the very patient good guy?"

With alarming clarity, I recalled the vision of Bella's torn expression as she stood between us. I let it linger, forcing me to be honest.

"When I saw how much it was hurting her to make her choose. It's not usually this difficult to control. I can smother the"…_desire to rip your head from your overgrown shoulders_…"less civilized feelings I may have for you fairly easily most of the time. Sometimes I think she sees through me, but I can't be sure"…_other times, I make no effort to hide it…_

"I think you were just worried that if you really forced her to choose, she might not choose you."

He was speaking in past tense. _She still may not choose me, Jacob Black._

"That was part of it…but only a small part. We all have our moments of doubt. Mostly I was worried that she'd hurt herself trying to sneak away with you. After I'd accepted that she was more or less safe with you"…_despite the bike, the cliff diving_…" as safe as Bella ever is – it seemed best to stop driving her to extremes."

The vision from Alice's mind of her racing on her bike pushed itself forward.

…_why is he being so honest…if she were awake…_

"I'd tell her all of this, but she'd never believe me…"

"I know." I responded.


	10. Chapter 22 Fire and Ice Part Three

**I do not own Twilight, nor do I own any of the characters. The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Any references to dialogue from Eclipse are purely for reference. This story is in no way an attempt at copyright infringement.**

**It's part three and I can't believe I've getting politically correct with Twilight. ****For Jacob Fans: Please note that I tried to show Jacob's adoration of Bella objectively, while remembering that these are Edward's perceptions. **

**Enjoy.**

* * *

_Continued from Chapter 22 – Fire and Ice, Part Two…_

He was speaking in past tense. _She still may not choose me, Jacob Black..._

"That was part of it…but only a small part. We all have our moments of doubt. Mostly I was worried that she'd hurt herself trying to sneak away with you. After I'd accepted that she was more or less safe with you"…despite the bike, the cliff diving…" as safe as Bella ever is – it seemed best to stop driving her to extremes."

The vision from Alice's mind of her racing on her bike pushed itself forward.

…why is he being so honest…if she were awake…

"I'd tell her all of this, but she'd never believe me…"

"I know." I responded.

* * *

…'_I know'…he's always so freaking cocky…I can't stand it…_ "You think you know everything," he blurted.

Perhaps he had a point. I thought about it for a moment. It wasn't that first time I'd heard that, in fact, Rosalie frequently reminded me of my own presumptuous nature. My arrogance _had _tempered since Bella, but it was still a firm fixture of my character. Yet, this situation was different. There were too many uncertainties. I'd never felt more lost. I'd also never felt more apprehensive. Did he deserve to know that I had my own reservations? I wasn't sure. Honesty was one thing; exposure was another.

"I don't know the future." I admitted, hesitation thick on my voice.

He caught the meaning in my tone and began to sort through his ideas behind the meaning of my words. He convinced himself easily that I was just as unsure as he was. He began to wonder why I'd admitted it, and then he began to plot how to best use this information against me.

To my surprise, I didn't feel angered by his new understanding. For some reason, although I wasn't disclosing fully, I wanted him to know. If I lost Bella, if I lost her heart, if she chose Jacob, I could only hope he would remember the depth of my love for her. Maybe he would love her more for the two of us.

I frowned at the prospect, but he didn't notice; he was still lost in his own thoughts.

I thought hard, too, as I watched him in the darkness. I could not tell him in any other way that I'd seen so many possibilities. There were Alice's discovered visions that made it clear that Bella had considered the option of loving Jacob before I'd returned. Of course, there were Bella's interpretive gestures of affection for him, and of course, and then I had to consider the almost magnetic draw they seemed to have for one another. The magnetic draw that was forced apart only by an anomaly of nature; _my existence_.

But, perhaps most discouraging of all, there were the images from Jacob's mind that served as a concrete foundation for my uncertainty. He was dedicated to trying to win her heart, although I could not hear a firm plan in his thoughts. He loved her. He was a fighter. He would not give in easily. It wasn't a game to him, but that was the closest analogy I could find to describe the theme and feel of his warring thoughts. It was as if he saw the situation as a chess match with the highest possible stakes.

I listened to Jacob consider the prospect of my uncertainty further, only now he was beginning to consider it in relation to his love for Bella. In the darkness, in the silence, I heard him begin to form the designs of _hope_. And, as if I needed something more to consider, his sincerity brought forth a particularly painful memory that I could not push away:

Seated behind the steering wheel of my car, I'd watched her cross the street toward him. His was pleased to have her there with him.

He'd succeeded in taunting me with images since we'd begun these careful exchanges. Usually his images were filled with memories of the time they'd spent together when I'd abandoned her. It was painful, but repetitive: _Bella in the woods. Bell and Jacob together on the beach. Bella and Jacob together in his garage. Bella and Jacob holding hands. Bella and Jacob on what seemed like a date at a movie theatre. _

But, this night, he'd been agitated about something. I'd stiffened as I'd caught the discomposure in his thoughts. I couldn't identify the source, though. So, I'd listened carefully, sifting, attempting to pick out anything he might be guarding when, without any warning, I'd seen his desperate dream:

_...Bella in his arms, her head thrown back in raucous laughter. Bella smiling, running on the beach, Jacob in pursuit, letting her gain a lead. Bella fishing with Jacob, laughing. Bella, radiant, playing a children's game with two small, beautiful, dark-haired children. Bella, cooking, pregnant, glowing, smiling. Bella, Jacob, children, their family..._

It had been so clear; it could have been a vision from Alice. The emotional charge of the thought was astounding. My head had snapped back in response causing me to violently gasped for air I did not need. My own thoughts were spinning with the dramatically heightened emotions I could not identify, and at that moment I was in no place to analyze them. Their intensity frightened me.

The dream would not relent and although I'd struggled to gain dominion over the despair, the agony, and sadly, the violent urges that sprang forth in succession, I'd been unable to concentrate hard enough. After several seconds, I'd finally been able to force out the last vivid images of their perfect life. Utilizing every ounce of self-discipline, I'd carefully composed my features, resisting any resurgence of the thoughts with intentional determination.

Then, when I'd thought it recovered, my dormant instincts emerged. Somehow, they'd not dulled by my constant resistance to the call of Bella's blood as I'd assumed. And, before I'd realized what was happening, the primal urge to eradicate the threat to my existence, to my survival intensified. My muscles clenched, my teeth snapped together, my senses became heightened as if I'd been on the hunt, and fresh venom washed through my mouth. My body screamed to kill him right then.

In a fourth of a second, I'd run through a dozen scenarios. From my position, I'd assessed that I would have needed less than forty-five seconds to remove myself from my vehicle, secure Bella's safety, reach him, and destroy him. I'd conceded that he would fight back. But, I'd also already acknowledged that he would lose. My senses became even sharper as I watched him from a crazed state, barely conscious of my breath, which had become quick with energy and animalistic impulse. For the remainder of that dreadful second, I'd felt the unmistakable high of revenge.

But then, I'd stopped.

It was still true that I'd wanted to tear his neck from his body and destroy his life. And, I'd cared little for devolving into the monster that I'd known I would become if I'd acted.

But, it was the acknowledgement of the irrefutable that brought me from my darkest place. I would hurt her beyond repair. She'd never forgive me and she would be lost to me.

Forever.

That night, those reminders had been the only barriers between Jacob Black and me. My stronger instinctual desire for Bella's happiness was all that had pulled me from the gleeful planning and plotting. The animalistic impulse receded into a dark cave as I'd managed to regain control.

And, as soon as the demon had been defeated, I'd refocused my attention on the reality before me. As all of these emotions, feelings, and urges swam inside of my head, I'd watched him most carefully from behind the glass, from behind the invisible boundary that separated our worlds. My wild eyes, that were surely full of hatred, fear, rebellion, despair, and helplessness, narrowed suspiciously into his.

Of course, he'd seen everything. But, he'd not intended for me to see that thought. Anxiety mounted further as I attempted to gauge whether or not he was now aware of what I'd seen. It didn't last long. Either out of instinct, or out of the mutual understanding we now shared, his mouth had curled up into a defiant smile. His smug, juvenile countenance had altered even more completely as he'd slowly processed that in some way he'd cracked my careful veneer of indifference. And it was true, he had succeeded. Quite effectively.

I'd watched him grin as they left our meeting place between the borders. I'd forced myself to start my engine and feigned departure while his car disappeared with Bella securely at his side.

That night had been excruciatingly agonizing. I'd sat there in my car for the remaining five hours of their time together. Thinking, watching, and waiting. In that time, I'd nearly gone mad trying to untangle the complex web of emotions I'd felt, and was continuing to feel, in response to his vision. I'd considered several possibilities: How did such a thought, an errant, unfocused thought at that, become so strong? Perhaps it was my emotional connection to Bella that intensified my dream? Or, perhaps it was his desire to see it realized? Why had my body reacted in such a manner?

I'd very nearly killed him. I'd very nearly lost Bella forever.

I'd known then that it was essential to discover the root of this emotional charge. I'd need to understand it in order to prevent it. There would not always be several hundred yards, Bella, and a windshield between us.

Obsessed, I sifted and searched through each of my own feelings. I'd gone through memories of Alice's visions, Jacob, Bella, and their interactions together. I could think of nothing else. I could not pinpoint why my reaction was so strong to a silly thought, a dream, a hope. And then, as the final hour was up, an epiphanic wave of anguish coursed through me. The very reason I'd been unable to clear the thought easily, the reason the thought was so strong, and the reason the thought inspired such erratic, passionate emotions within me became so clear.

Jacob Black clung to the desperate dream much like a dying man would cling to life. Much like I'd clung to my own dreams of my future with Bella. This was Jacob Black's _hope_. And, it was _powerful_.

At this realization, the emotions I'd felt weren't simple enough to confine to tedious words. Only themes could embody my feelings. I was an outsider looking in looking in on their bliss, an unwanted guest, an intruder, a violator of joy. Despair soaked through every part of my mind and my body. If I had a soul, it would have permeated every layer of that as well.

So, in the quiet confines of my car, I'd understood. It was not the thought of losing Bella to happiness, nor was it the infinite jealousy which I'd admittedly felt. It was not any of the trivial emotions I could not confine my feelings to. No, it was the fact that his thought was the most potent reminder of the stunning, incontrovertible truth. The truth I knew, but avoided for my own sanity. The truth Bella and my family refused to consider.

Jacob Black could give her a life that I never could. The image of their joy was happy and human. She would have those things with him. Family. Warmth. Humanity. Her soul.

...

"What would you do if she changed her mind," he asked, breaking me from the wretched memory. I saw his thoughts again; he was beginning to entertain the prospect of _hoping_ more than he'd allowed himself before. He'd just pushed the thoughts away carefully, but I'd still caught them.

I took a deep breath to steady myself, reminding my depression to keep a careful distance. Things had changed since that vision. I had hope now too.

"I don't know that either…" I said, unable to pretend to be interested in his question. The vision was still fresh in my mind. I took another quiet breath to steady myself. I didn't want to bring that pain into this situation. I was helpless to control it if I truly allowed it any advantage.

Jacob chuckled, unable to gauge the distance in my response, "Would you try to kill me?" he asked. His tone was sarcastic, but there was an edge of inquiry in his voice. Was he wondering how far I would go to keep her?

"No."

"Why not?" he asked, his expression feigned humor that wasn't there in the tone of his thoughts. He was curious, but it was no laughing matter. My imagination contrived an image of Bella's lovely face contorted in horror. It was her face, as Alice had seen it, before I'd attacked her in her kitchen, before I'd left for Denali. I shrugged slightly in disgust.

"Do you really think I would hurt her that way?" I asked.

He sighed imagining his own version of Bella's pain, only this time, he saw her face after I'd left her; sad, distant, distraught. "Yeah, you're right. I know that's right, but sometimes…" he started, but his thoughts gave him away as he remembered the image of us laughing together as we stood at the practice field, my eyes were peering into hers, my hand rested on her cheek, and her gaze just as intense as mine. In his mind, he saw us as clearly in love.

But, my own version of that nights events sprang forth and I saw Bella, clearly enraptured by his werewolf state, sitting comfortably next to him, stroking his vile fur, and by all descriptions, looking almost _in love_. In response to that, I could not control the vision I'd entertained so often this very night. I saw myself crushing his skull again.

"Sometimes…it's an intriguing idea." I admitted again. Very intriguing, indeed.

Jacob understood and a wide grin spread across his face. Was he embarrassed to have let his guard down? Then, as if he'd been able to read my earlier thoughts, he pondered the utter ridiculousness of the situation. A werewolf and a vampire: mortal enemies, mythical creatures by all intents and purposes each vying for the affections of a human girl. Although a remarkably extraordinary human girl. His thoughts enjoyed the humor and he chuckled into the sleeping bag, unable to restrain himself.

"Exactly," he managed. I smiled in the darkness at the characterizations his imagination then conjured. I looked startlingly cartoonish in his image. It was actually quite funny. But then, his tone changed again. He lifted his face and his expression was suddenly introspective.

He began to remember vividly the day that Bella left him to follow Alice to Italy. I saw Jacob, standing in her living room, odd man out, elbowed aside by Bella as if his presence had been completely forgotten. Bella spoke to Alice in anxious concern about my impending doom.

He cringed at the reminder. It was a startlingly sad memory. He began to wonder what I must have felt that would have propelled me to want to commit suicide and whether the hopelessness would affect him in the same way.

"What's it like? Losing her?" _...I mean, really…_ "When you thought you'd lost her forever? How did you….cope?" he whispered.

But, his thoughts betrayed him again. He knew what I had done to an extent. Why bring this up now? I felt a surge of sour irritation at his forward question. I did not want to discuss the worst mistake of my existence with Jacob Black.

"That's very difficult for me to talk about." I curtly responded, hoping to end it there.

…_I am not trying to pry, either…I really want to know because…well, I am not sure I _could_ lose her…Ed-…leech…but, you don't have to tell me if it's too much…if you can't handle it, then I understand…_

I cut him off with a wave of my hand. His thoughts ceased. I was unnerved by the change in their tone. They were no longer jeering, but _sincere_. It made me uncomfortable. But, at the same time, for reasons I could not understand, I wanted to be honest with him. Perhaps if I let him in enough to see the pain, he would understand to an extent why I was in her life. So, I let the darkest, most painful of my memories come forward and began slowly.

"There were two different times that I thought that. The first time, when I thought I could leave her…that was..." - _images of the hotel room I had reclusively resigned to_– "…_almost_ bearable. Because I thought that she would forget me and it would be like I hadn't touched her life." My voice shook a little as the image of my blank expression staring into the mirror pushed itself into my mind. The image conjured long buried feelings of despondency. I paused for a second, composing my thoughts.

"So, for over six months I was able to stay away, to keep my promise that I wouldn't interfere again. It was getting close..." –_me staring off into the rising sun, hallucinating with near-drunken visions of her scent, her smell, her smile, the feel of her skin_– "...I was fighting but I knew I wasn't going to win; I would have come back..." – _the three times I'd arrived at the airport ready to make the flight back, only to convince myself otherwise _– "...just to check on her.

"That's what I would have told myself anyway. And if I'd found her reasonably happy..." –_ Bella sitting on the beach with Jacob_ – "...I like to think that I could have gone away again..." –_ Bella's face as she exited the woods, white, pale, broken, disoriented_ – "...but she wasn't happy...

"And I would have stayed. That's how she convinced me to stay with her tomorrow, of course. You were wondering about that before, what could possibly motivate me - what she was feeling so needlessly guilty about. She reminded me of what it did to her when I left..." – _Bella's pleading eyes_ – "...what it still does to her when I leave. She feels horrible about bringing that up, but she's right. I'll never be able to make up for that, but I'll never stop trying anyway."

I felt drained. I couldn't continue. I listened as Jacob's mind wrap around his own version of events while I was gone. I saw more images, images I'd never seen before of Bella's blank expressions, her arms wrapped defensively around her thin frame, and her sadness permeating through desperately composed smiles. My expression slipped into a cringe; but I immediately composed my face.

Honesty was one thing; vulnerability was another.

He did not seem to notice. He began to wonder what other instance I'd referenced. His curiosity peaked as he considered whether I had done something else that, he wasn't aware of, but something he could possibly use. I ignored his ulterior motive. Then, he understood as his memory flooded into his version of Bella, as she stood on the beach, soaked, pale, and blank. He wondered how it might have affected me.

"And the other time, when you thought she was dead?" he whispered.…_how did it feel to really believe that she was dead, to truly feel like she would never, ever come back?...you thought she was gone forever and that's why you tried to…_

"Yes…" I knew where he was going. His memory intensified as he considered it again, it struck me that she almost looked vampiric. What would he see when he looked at her once she changed? – "…and it will probably feel like that to you, won't it? The way you perceive us, you might not be able to see her as Bella anymore, but that's who she will be." I responded softly, hoping he understood I wasn't trying to antagonize him.

…_I don't even want to…that's not happening…"_That's not what I asked." he asked, roughly.…_I asked you how it felt, how it felt to think she was dead, because…regardless of what you think of yourself…that's exactly how she will be to me…a leech like you…_dead_…how did it feel?..._

I bristled as his rough characterization."T_hat's exactly how she will be to me…a leech like you…" _His words bounced around flustering my feelings. How could he expect me to describe such a thing?

I shot him a look of disgust. "I cannot tell you how it felt, there aren't words," I responded.

He didn't understand my sudden vitriol. His thoughts became thoroughly confused as he wondered why I'd left at all. Inspiration hit as he considered that my motives were selfish, contradictory. He wondered if he was catching me in a web of my own words. "But, you left because you didn't want to make her bloodsucker. You _want_ her to be human." His eyes narrowed intently, carefully gauging my reaction.

There was such a complex mixture of motivations behind his question. Were there even words that I could use to adequately frame the existential crisis that was my relationship with Bella? Were there words to characterize the inevitability of our situation? Could the complexity of our potential destinies even be explained? Verbose or not, I couldn't seem to conjure the right descriptions. So, I explained as best that I could.

"Jacob, from the second that I realized that I loved her, I knew there were only four possibilities. The first alternative, the best one for Bella, would be if she didn't feel as strongly for me..." – _the emotion in her eyes she awoke and realized I was back in her life_ – "...if she got over her me and moved on. I would accept that, though it would never change the way I felt. You think of me as a... –"I struggled, unsure again as to how to characterize his vast array of feelings in regards to me.

…_living monster…_he thought. I continued, unfazed by his false hostility. He _was_ listening.

"...living _stone_, hard and cold..." I said

…_well, that's what you are_…he thought.

"That's true," I acknowledged. "We are set the way we are, and it is very rare for us to experience a real change. When that happens, as when Bella entered my life, it is a permanent change. There is no going back..." Strong and vivid, Alice's vision of a newborn Bella arrived right on cue. I cringed, but continued.

"...The second alternative, the one I'd originally chosen, was to stay with her throughout her human life. It wasn't a good option for her, to waste her life with someone who couldn't be human with her, but it was the alternative I could most easily face. Knowing all along that, when she died, I would find a way to die, too. Sixty years, seventy years - it would seem like a very, very short time to me." I imaged then a delicate, aged Bella and my selfish side ached at even the imagined inevitability of her death. The image was quickly replaced with the memory of Bella lying on the floor in that Phoenix ballet studio, broken and very nearly dead.

"..._But_...then it proved much too dangerous for her to live in such close proximity with my world, it seemed like everything that could go wrong, did. Or hung over us…" -_ Victoria, hair wild, eyes sketchy as she assessed Bella and James at the baseball field, Bella writing on the ground, bleeding as Jasper lost control_ – "...waiting to go wrong. I was terrified that I wouldn't get those sixty years if I stayed near her while she was human."

Jacob silently listened. I looked up briefly to see if he'd fallen asleep. Our eyes met, his expression was wary, but almost _understanding_.

"So, I chose option three. Which turned out to be the worst mistake of my very long life, as you know. I chose to take myself out of her world, hoping to force her into the first alternative. It didn't work, and it very nearly killed us both..."-_Volterra...the sunshine filtering through the plaza- _"...what do I have left but the fourth option? It's what she wants…" The newborn Bella of the future screamed at me. I flicked my head to shake it away. He saw that and began to understand that the thought was not as attractive to me as he'd assumed.

"…at least, she thinks she does." I looked at him again, communicating my desperation. Willing him to understand that it was _her_ choice. His thoughts were confused again as he warred with his sympathetic feelings and his anger at the prospect of my unspoken words becoming reality. I wanted to explain further.

"I've been trying to delay her, to give her time to find a reason to change her mind, but she's very stubborn. You know _that_. I'll be lucky to stretch this out a few more months. She has a horror of getting old, and her birthday is in September…" I trailed off.

He seethed with his resent at the understanding that it was her decision. He blinked a few times. I watched his head sway slightly as he processed this new, frightening information. I wondered if his curiosity about us, the curiosity I'd seen in his thoughts, was now satiated as he realized that she intended to trade her soul to become my mate. He began to consider what he could do to stop it.

"I like option one," he hissed.

I looked away from him, a little disappointed that the culmination of his thoughts, so close to the brink of understanding, seemed to devolve into _that_ response. I lost the urge to continue speaking.

But then, his thoughts became more addled as he thought of the situation again with sincerity and empathy. He was uncomfortable with these thoughts, but he could not resist them. And, I realized that for the first time, Jacob's very open heart was now opening for _me_. He saw that I would do anything to sway her. He wondered briefly about my methods of stalling her, but he did not ask. I wasn't sure I would have answered. Although she'd accepted, she was still not wearing my ring. By all definitions, our engagement was still uncertain. But, if this was his chess match, surely that was my checkmate? Besides, honesty was one thing; enlightenment was another.

"You know _exactly_ how much I hate to accept this," he whispered. "But…I can see that you do love her"…_despite that your loving her means...well..."_…in your _own _way. I can't argue with you anymore."

I'd been too impatient. He understood. _Finally._ I watched him as he took a breath to prepare himself to speak again. He sounded resigned. I looked at him for a half second again before I understood. He didn't want to argue, he wanted to plea.

"Given that," he started in a tone I recognized as persuasion. "I don't think you should give up on the first alternative, not yet. I think there's a very good chance that she would be okay. After time. You know, if she hadn't jumped off that cliff in March…" - I frowned at him, but he continued - "...and if you'd waited another six months to check on her..."…_she could have loved me_…"...well, you might have found her reasonably happy. I had a game plan."

I saw then the thought from Jacob's mind. It was the two of them walking along the beach. He dropped onto one knee and gave her a ring from a mahogany box. She would have _loved_ that. A _brand new_ shiny ring, just for her. I had to chuckle at that. "Maybe it would have worked. It was a well-thought out plan." I conceded, mostly...

He didn't like that I laughed. His thoughts misinterpreted my amusement. He was then suddenly offended by my invasion of his thoughts, although he was fully aware I could not help it. He leaned forward and narrowed his eyes. I met them without restraint.

"Yeah." He sighed in mock frustration. "But…give me a year bl – Edward. I really think I could make her happy. She's stubborn, no one knows that better than I do, but she's capable of healing. She would have healed before. And she could be human, with Charlie and Renee, and she could grow up, and have kids and…be Bella." Jacob's hopeful dream returned._ ...Dark haired babies, a radiant pregnant Bella..._ He didn't think of it on purpose though, he couldn't help it. I cringed away from the emotion it stirred, but I kept his eyes.

He continued, "You love her enough that you have to see the advantages of that plan. She thinks you're very unselfish..."…_but, she's also blinded by love_…"...are you really? Can you consider the idea that I might be better for her?" he asked.

I bristled at his assumption and intensified my gaze. His blatant verbalization of my sincerest insecurities pushed frustration through me, wild and unbridled.

"I have considered it," I murmured tightly, annoyed by the intensity of the fresh emotion. "In some ways, you would be better suited for her than another human. Bella takes some looking after, and you're strong enough that you could protect her from herself, and from everything that conspires against her, and I'll owe you for that for as long as I live – forever – whichever comes first…" _Whichever Bella chooses…_I wanted to add.

"I even asked Alice if she could see that – to see if Bella would be better off with you..." I could not tell him about the vision, of course. I edited. A pregnant, radiant Bella did not equate a _better _Bella. "...she couldn't of course. She can't see you, and then Bella's sure of her course, for now…" He brightened at my last words, but I cut him off before he could speak. "…but, I am not stupid enough to make the same mistake I made before, Jacob. I won't try to force her into that first option again. As long as she wants me, I'm here." He observed my expression, which I contorted to portray confidence. He wasn't fooled, though.

"And if she were to decide she wanted me?" I raised my brow, immediately sifting his thoughts. There was something in his voice that betrayed a tone I didn't like. He misinterpreted. "Okay, it's a long shot, I'll give you that."

_Not as long as you think, Jacob._ "I would let her go." I answered.

"Just like that?" he asked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion, thinking of my abilities and what he would do to prevent me from interfering with their lives. I leaned in to observe him. His tone inspired so many questions I'd not considered in the context of this conversation.

"In the sense that I'd never show her how hard it was for me, yes…" I trailed off, unable to focus.

Why was his tone so confident all of the sudden? What was he hiding? How far would he be willing to go to win her affection? If the werewolf legend of imprinting were true, then Bella was not his intended soul mate. Therefore, one day, if destiny truly played out in the manner in which we all assumed, and at this point, I was convinced that it did despite my previous skepticism, he would ultimately move on from his love for her. Their magnetism was no match for this _imprinting_.

If that were the case, then Bella was mine. Did he know this? Did he understand this, or was he truly that blinded by his love for her? Surely, he'd thought of it as he attempted to force the imprinting upon her. I'd seen that too in his mind.

I searched his mind intently, but I saw nothing. He wasn't even thinking of that possibility. I blinked at him and he was confused by my reaction. I fought a vindictive smile that I knew would ruin the shaky familiarity. _Check Jacob Black, check._

"But I would keep watch. You see, Jacob, _you _might leave _her_ someday. Like Sam and Emily, you wouldn't have a choice. I would always be waiting in the wings, hoping for that to happen." His face betrayed his shock. He snorted in surprise. He hadn't expected that.

He didn't know that I was entirely aware of the power and irreversibility of imprinting. He thought for a moment, understanding my words. But, he was still not shaken. There was something adamant, decided about his interpretation of my words. Something I wasn't able to pinpoint.

"Well, you've been much more honest than I had any right to expect…_Edward_." I inclined my head in appreciation at his use of my proper name. Twice in one night. Progress, indeed.

"Thanks for letting me into your head." he said, the sincerity there again, despite the faint overtones of rebellion in his mind.

"As I said, I am feeling…oddly grateful for your presence tonight. It was the least I could do…" – his mind interrupted me as he began to review our conversation. I was relieved to find that he'd grasped my desperation and my love for her. He seemed to think the situation was sad somehow. His genuine feeling, for us both, was endearing. He truly was a good person – "...you know, Jacob, if it weren't for the fact that we're natural enemies and that you're also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you." I smiled, flashing my razor sharp teeth. Startled by my confession, he chuckled nonetheless.

"Maybe…if you weren't a disgusting vampire who was planning to suck the life out of the girl that I love…well, no, not even then…"_…well, maybe…_His thoughts showed his true emotions and I had to laugh at the discrepancy.

An odd camaraderie passed between us for a silent moment.

I considered how truly candid I had been. It was for my own gain, of course, but I'd been _thoroughly _honest. I wondered if he would be the same way if the situations were reversed. If I hadn't been able to read his mind? Humans always edited, of course, but would he, or his open heart, lie if it were possible? It was an interesting question. Would he reciprocate my honesty? There was only one way to find out.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked, carefully etching a neutral expression, stifling my curiosity.

"Why would you have to ask?" he asked, confused. That made sense. He didn't _completely_ understand how my talent worked.

"I can only hear if you think of it. It's just a story that Bella seemed reluctant to tell me about the other day. Something about a third wife…"

"What about it?" he asked, continuing with his thoughts.

…_it's a story she heard from our Elders about the Cold Ones, you should know the legend, well, anyway the Third Wife is the name of the…_Jacob's imagination conjured an image so violent that I couldn't help but hiss as it bombarded me.

"What?" he demanded, low and concerned..._it's not like it's not true…_he thought. He continued to think, but I didn't listen anymore. My mind scattered through my own realizations as Jacob's imagined version of the story played out again. He was searching now for a clue as to what bothered me. He didn't see.

Immediately, in my mind, I replaced the Third Wife's role with Bella's face."Of course," I seethed. "Of course! I'd rather your elders had kept that story to themselves, Jacob." I spat.

He bristled, assuming I was somehow doubting its legitimacy. I was annoyed by his low opinion of my intellect and integrity, particularly after our conversation.

"You don't like the leeches being painted as the bad guys?" he mocked, certain he'd pegged me. "You know they _are_. Then _and_ now." I met his eyes with a disgusted expression, angered that after our interaction he could still so easily assassinate my character.

"I really couldn't care less about that part. Can't you guess which character Bella would identify with?" Was he blind?

His thoughts pushed through the story, fresh and detailed. New disgust coursed through me as he began to understand. "Okay, I see your point." he conceded.…_why does it matter if she identifies with that stupid Third Wife…I don't see how that…_

I interrupted him. "She wants to be there in the clearing to do what little she can, as she puts it." I sighed at the vision of Bella in the clearing, offering herself to the altar of sacrifice for the sake of a battle that would be won regardless. If Jacob didn't know of the vision, he surely wouldn't understand why I'd stayed behind.

"That was the secondary reason for my staying with her tomorrow. She's quite inventive when she wants something." I added.

"You know, your military brother gave her the idea just as much as the story did." Jacob responded, freshly annoyed with Jasper.

He had a point, but Jasper hadn't meant to encourage her. He didn't realize how insistent Bella could be. "Neither side meant any harm," I conceded.

"And when does _this_ little truce end? He asked, brows raised and his mouth set. "First light? Or do we wait until after the fight?" he continued, sounding suspicious and anxious at the same time. It was an interesting question. Rationally, I wanted to find some way around the problem for the sake of all of us, including Bella. But, instinctually, for so many reasons, he was still my enemy. I smiled at his tone. It was clear to us both that despite the progress we'd made, we _were_ still enemies, and there was nothing that could ever change that. Nothing.

"First light," we whispered together, for once on the same page. We both chuckled a little at our mutual agreement. Enemies or not, we weren't beyond understanding the unique familiarity we'd developed. Even if only for tonight. Even if only for Bella. I watched him close his eyes, but he didn't snuggle next to her, as he probably would have before. Did I earn some of his respect?

"Sleep well, Jacob," I muttered. "Enjoy the moment."

Jacob took my words to heart and began to visualize placing sweet, tender kisses along Bella's cheeks and face. An expression formed against my will that was half revulsion and half humor.

"I didn't mean quite so literally." I groaned. But, he stopped immediately this time. Truce. It wasn't first light. Yet.

"Sorry. You could leave you know – let me see how she really feels without you sitting here – give us a little privacy." He opened one eye to peer at me. I rolled my eyes.

"Would you like me to help you sleep, Jacob?" I countered, raising my brow in feigned provocation. The thought he'd just had was still lingering around. I sighed, placing my hand over my eyes to focus on clearing it.

"You could try. I would be interesting to see who walked away, wouldn't it?" I looked at him from under my hand and almost chuckled at his false bravado. _Seven seconds, Jacob Black_, I thought.

I sighed again. "Don't tempt me too far, wolf. My patience isn't _that _perfect."

He laughed quietly, although I was sure he understood. "I'd rather not move just now if you don't mind," he said, grinning as he lay his head down next to Bella's peaceful figure. And then, Jacob began to quickly descend into a tranquil place.

I envied that, too.

There was a moment of silence before he entered that final stage of sleep that usually brought forth human dreams. I moved forward a little to watch her sleep. She looked better. I felt cheered by the turn of events. In the course of one evening, she'd faced death again. Well, we'd both faced death since for me, her death would equal my own. And now, she looked peaceful. Her heart was beating strong, her lips had a little color to them. I smiled at her.

I receded to my corner. From my position, her body still looked so brittle and pale in comparison to Jacob's form. I was sizing him up, but I didn't stop myself.

He was larger than I was, physically, by far, although not stronger. As I considered his physique, so absolutely startling in comparison to Bella's petite frame, I was almost intrigued by his transformation from the skinny child that I had first encountered outside Bella's home. Aesthetically, he was very well built. The genetic heritage he possessed forced his height, his shoulders, and his arms, to an almost intimidating girth. Intimidating to a human at least. And, with a little chagrin, I could easily discern that his large arm was firmly wrapped around her torso. Was his arm was any heavier than mine? The pressure would surely be similar, although mine was undoubtedly more intractable.

Did it really matter? Perhaps. It was petty, but I grinned anyway. He looked just as unnatural next to her as I did.

I closed my eyes, enjoying the silence. But my mind would find no rest. Because, deep down, in a place I didn't even want to look, I knew that there was still a very real possibility that Bella could choose Jacob Black. Of course, if I was honest with myself again, I knew that that fear, although perhaps irrational, was my very worst nightmare. My waking nightmare.

So, I would approach the Jacob Black _situation_ with her when she was ready. And, it _was_ a _situation._ I had to know her heart, her love. I didn't want to doubt her, but the evidence was hard to ignore. It was important to give her the choice. Besides, could she truly ever be _mine_ if she didn't choose soon? I couldn't believe that she could.

As for Jacob, I couldn't help but feel relieved by our conversation. He knew now that Bella was decided on her change. He'd suspected, but now it was confirmed. I felt better knowing that he was aware of her insistence. It _was_ only fair, as he'd put it. It felt good. I could now _try_ to approach Jacob Black as fairly as possible. I could _try_ to think of him as I hoped he would think of me, regardless of how things turned out.

A partial resolution had been reached, despite the fact that I knew he was not ready to give up. At least he understood. So, I would spend the remaining time I had to sort out, and hopefully anticipate his next actions. I didn't want to think of the Jacob Black _situation_ as a game, but it seemed as if he was intent on making it that way.

I smiled to myself as I considered my chess matches with Alice. Darkly, I humored myself by laughing at the prospect of Jacob Black being a more formidable opponent than my dearest sister. I chucked at the image of her tiny brow creased in concentration, analyzing my moves and impulsively deciding upon her own. She _was_ a formidable opponent. Yet, I always won.

I felt oddly comforted.

Jacob began dreaming, his thoughts of Bella and their potential future lingered in the air like an unpleasant aroma. I began to hum Bella's lullaby to block him out. It made it easier to concentrate on the situation, to analyze my next steps, to decide on exactly how I would try to face this situation with her, and inevitably how I would cope with her choice, regardless of what it was. I began to drift into these thoughts, allowing them to overtake me.

And, then, suddenly, in a flash of intuition a previous exchange that had taken place between Jacob and I entered my thoughts:

"_Let the best man win…" he said._

"_Sounds about right, pup…" I responded._

Yes. Let the best man win.


End file.
